My First Post in My New Hobby Blog

I have finally made my first post in my new food blog. The only thing it doesn't have but needs is pictures. But alas my camera's batteries were dead and I was hungry and said meal that I talk about in the entry was devoured.

The address is: http://tequilalimes.blogspot.com/. And it is also a link in the "Links" section of this page!

Check it out!

g'night!

Why was I so scared?

So I finally did something I should have a long time ago: I told someone I care about exactly how I was feeling. It wasn't easy... it just sort of came out. I tried to bring it into the conversation, but it is hard to talk seriously with someone that that likes to joke about things. And then I got frustrated and started to cry. I think the fear of sharing these feelings comes from times in the past where I completely opened up and got really hurt. I was scared of it happening again, but it didn't. So my goal is to get over this fear completely and free myself from emotional constipation.

Anyhow... I had a productive day in the lab and it was nice to get to hang out with Ryan. Reading week is actually going to be spent reading. And relaxing of course... but I want to have my oral presentation done and over with before school starts back.

So disappointed...

Ugh... I hate doing poorly, when I think I could have done better. I feel like that is the story of my life in this lab course. I wish there were some sort of effort mark in the class. You know, 5% to tell you that yes you did try hard even if your mark does not reflect it. I feel like I need to do more, always more to do better in that class. At times, I love the challenge. At other times, like right now, I just feel burnt out. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to do as well as I might like. I need to become more consistant. I've decided, especially in regards to my lab course, I am going to start doing all the background readings and making myself a notebook that describes exactly why we are doing everything- reagents, steps, everything. As well as some more general knowledge about lab techniques.

I think if I do that, I'll have the background I need to possibly do better in this class. I hate floundering like I am right now. It feels awful. Its almost like part of me has stopped caring. Anyhow, I need sleep if I am going to face the lab tomorrow.

Randomness... a google thing... taken from Steph's blog

Your Name
Lisa Rae
http://davepics.com/Album/2003/05-23.Lindy_Prom.SDLX/tn/dsc01011.jpg.html

First Pet's Name
Marmalade
http://www.swallowhillfarm.com/photos/Apple%20Marmalade.jpg

Favourite thing to to do on a Saturday
Relax
http://www.wiwi.uni-bielefeld.de/~wolf/software/relax/relax_files/hello2.jpg

What You Wanted To Be When You Grew Up
Interior Designer
http://www.aperfectworld.org/10303.htm

The Last 4 Numbers Of Your Phone #
(0532)
http://science.ksc.nasa.gov/shuttle/missions/sts-96/images/high/KSC-99PP-0532.jpg

Have a great Valentine's Day everyone :)

Children, wake up, hold your mistake up

So much stress... it's funny because I think I thrive on it. Maybe I'm just a masochist, but when I'm not being challenged I'm not happy. Challenge is interesting. I guess I like to see how far I can push myself and how much I can accomplish. I think unless I can find a career that is ever changing and constantly challenging, I will end up changing careers a lot because of this.

So if I complain about how much I have to do, or how stressed I am or mention how I broke down into tears, it isn't because I am unhappy. In fact, despite the amount of stress I am under right now, I think I am the happiest I have been in awhile. And as weird as that might sound, it is surprisingly true. I know I wish for easier times at times like these, but when it's an easy time I wish I had more to do.... so it is a catch-22.

Anyhow... The title of this entry... it's a line from my favourite song of the moment- Wake up by the Arcade Fire.

I should sleep and not be tired tomorrow.

Do I need to sell my soul to do well in 420?

I just finished the first of many hellish weeks to come. I wish I hadn't spent so much time on my stupid stupid lab course because what did I get back? Crap sequences on most of my stuff. I think I have one that might be useable... ONE. I bombed my debate yesterday. I froze up and forgot what I was going to say. Even though I practiced.

Not to mention I probably did crappy on the assignment I handed in... needless to say it is back to the drawing board for my lab course. I think I'll set up a new set of phage lysates... and see if I can get anything interesting.

I think today will be better. Unless I find out that my one sequence is crap too.

I feel like I'm losing my soul to this course. What if research is beyond what I am capable? I don't want it to be... but what if it is?