Long Time No Post...

Wow... It has certainly been awhile. That last post summed up most of what I went through for the past year. I agonized about what I was going to do with my life. Rated the pros and cons of each possible career choice and sometime in October 2007 I put in an application for Education and forgot about it, and continued my numb existence. Being numb isn't all bad. I can say now that it is better than being depressed and far worst than actually being happy. Also- with numbness blogging becomes almost impossible because you aren't feeling and I don't know about you, but I can't write without feeling. So I didn't write. I filled my time with anything to take my mind off the fact that I felt like I was in a stagnant pond, stuck in the mud, unable to move.

I plugged along at the job I hated, when in February- I got a letter saying I was accepted into the Faculty of Education- Major Biology, Minor chemistry. At this point I still wasn't sure this was something I wanted to do. I mean I resisted the idea with every fiber of my being since I could remember. I didn't want teaching to be my fall back plan. I wanted what I picked to be the plan all along. Life, unfortunately, does not work that way. I no longer desire to be a genetic counselor which was the original plan. The more I thought about teaching, the more it seemed like the right thing to do. That brings me to the end of April: my self imposed deadline for deciding. So I decided to take the plunge... and here I am today the night before day 3 of my second degree.

So far so good... I like my classes. I can't remember a time that I have liked all of my classes so this might be a first. I have high hopes for this decision... so hopefully it turns out better than my last.

In other, less important, fluffier news- I have recently become addicted (yes addicted) to the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. I would like to compare her books to maybe cigarette smoking if you had no idea cigarette smoking was addictive and you picked them up because you thought they looked cool and kept doing it because it felt good. Sigh... that is what happened to me when I picked up Twilight. I had no idea how big the books were (or how addictive the series was) when I unsuspectingly picked up the first book at the airport. The back of the book made it sound corny- girl falls madly in love for vampire that thirsts for her blood but something about the pretty black book made me pick it up. I was past the point of no return about 10 minutes into the flight.

I have since read the whole series and I am in the process of re-reading the series. I can't wait until the movie comes out, although I'm sure it won't compare to the books at all. At least they got the casting of the leading man right. Robert Pattinson (Harry Potter fans might recognize him as Cedric Diggory) is perfect for the role I think, both in looks and in the way he is portraying the character. And the schoolgirl in me thinks he is dreamy... I better stop before I start gushing about Rob Pattinson the way Bella gushes about Edward in the book. I guess there are more harmful things I could be addicted too like cigarettes or heroin or worst crystal meth. It would also be better not to be addicted to anything at all. I'm going to have to work on that. That, and going to bed at a decent time.

Mood: Tired and Wired
Music: I'm On Fire- Paper Lions

Lab Monkey

And so it begins again. Hours spent in the lab on weekends. The more I think about it... the more I realize that I am really not in the right career. I am such a people person and I am heading towards a career that involves minimal contact with people. Well- you always interact with people but there are long periods where you don't. I guess that would be like a lot of jobs... like a desk job except that instead of a desk, I would get a lab bench and a desk.

I guess the plus side of this- is I know that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I could probably hack it for maybe about 2 or 3 years before becoming fed up with it. I mean it is awesome when things work, but when they don't- and they don't for as long time, it gets frustrating. I'm going to start researching careers, see if I can find a career where I get to work with people (yes I know every job involves working with people) but actually helping people.

If anyone has any idea of what they think I might be good at and like- please let me know. So far- people have said I could become a teacher, some sort of counsellor and someone even told me they thought I would make a good sales person.

Anyhow... I should get back to studying for my music exam. Not that I really need to study that much... but I want an A in this class, so I need to so especially well on the exams to do that because it is not curved. Yes- a class at the U of A that is not curved. I was as shocked as you might be.

Little Miss Sunshine

The best movie that I have seen so far this year. I laughed, I cried... I clapped. I don't see a lot of movies though... so don't take my word for it. Go see it and judge for yourself.

I think one of my favourite lines was, "If you slept through High school, you'd miss some of your best suffering years." Or " Have lots of sex. Not just with one women, with lots of women." I guess the quotes were funnier in the context of the movie.

In other news... perhaps I have filled my plate too full at the buffet of life this time. Feeling overwhelmed already and it is day 2 of the second week of school. Ugh... I think I just need to suck it up and study.

I should go. I have an early morning tomorrow. I might sleep in... but I might not too.

Post Number 350

I'm getting really bad for not blogging. Mostly because I had been really busy and something's got to give. I was thinking that would do some huge update to say how my life has been up until now but part of me doesn't really feel like it. Really it isn't that fascinating... or at least I don't think so.

So I officially hate the curve... and finally have been bitten in the ass by it. 0.5 of a % away from a B+. Ugh... officially (or unofficially as it is right now) my lowest mark in a genetics course to date. And it is stupid because there is no spread in the class (our highest mark was 80%, most people getting the class average which is 62%) and somehow they have to hand out a variety of grades. I highly don't recommend it, to any0ne who might be thinking of taking human genetics for fun not to. It is a 4th year survey course of the worse kind- the kind where you really leave it knowing as much as you did when you started and wonder why you wasted your money taking a course that didn't teach you anything new. I learned more in my physiology course I didn't study for until the final. And that is saying something.

Anyhow... I'm off to get my hair cut- it really needs it after almost a whole year of growing.

So disappointed...

Ugh... I hate doing poorly, when I think I could have done better. I feel like that is the story of my life in this lab course. I wish there were some sort of effort mark in the class. You know, 5% to tell you that yes you did try hard even if your mark does not reflect it. I feel like I need to do more, always more to do better in that class. At times, I love the challenge. At other times, like right now, I just feel burnt out. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to do as well as I might like. I need to become more consistant. I've decided, especially in regards to my lab course, I am going to start doing all the background readings and making myself a notebook that describes exactly why we are doing everything- reagents, steps, everything. As well as some more general knowledge about lab techniques.

I think if I do that, I'll have the background I need to possibly do better in this class. I hate floundering like I am right now. It feels awful. Its almost like part of me has stopped caring. Anyhow, I need sleep if I am going to face the lab tomorrow.

What makes someone smart?

I've been pretty busy lately, it is a wonder I have had time to think of anything philosophical at all, but I guess this is something that has been nagging at me for a bit. It is something you run into a lot at University I guess...

People have often told me I'm smart. It is funny- because I don't see myself as being smart at all. Now this may sounds like the opposite of being conceited or smug or people might think I'm just being modest because no one likes it when someone thinks they are smart and then lets the world know. No- I actually don't see myself as smart and I am always surprised when I do well on things.

Is it weird not to feel smart? Just because I do well in school or at my job should I feel smart? I don't know its weird. Maybe it is a lack of self confidence... or maybe it is just because I am so put off by people who know they are smart and are convinced most other people are stupid and act like we should worship the ground they walk on. Barf. These are often the same people that assume that because someone doesn't have a 3.0 or higher, we shouldn't give them a chance to do anything. Newsflash again- some of the smartest people aren't actually that great at exams and traditional style school. When you give them something applied they excel and yet we turn these people away from Grad schools and Med schools because their GPA was sub-standard. I mean being a doctors isn't only about knowing facts. It is about interacting with patients and problem solving to diagnose and give patients the best care. Some med schools are doing a good job of selecting people to do this, others, however, are not.

Ugh... obviously this is something I get a little riled up about.

Anyhow... I must get to bed- I have a lot to learn about radiation tomorrow!