Children, wake up, hold your mistake up

So much stress... it's funny because I think I thrive on it. Maybe I'm just a masochist, but when I'm not being challenged I'm not happy. Challenge is interesting. I guess I like to see how far I can push myself and how much I can accomplish. I think unless I can find a career that is ever changing and constantly challenging, I will end up changing careers a lot because of this.

So if I complain about how much I have to do, or how stressed I am or mention how I broke down into tears, it isn't because I am unhappy. In fact, despite the amount of stress I am under right now, I think I am the happiest I have been in awhile. And as weird as that might sound, it is surprisingly true. I know I wish for easier times at times like these, but when it's an easy time I wish I had more to do.... so it is a catch-22.

Anyhow... The title of this entry... it's a line from my favourite song of the moment- Wake up by the Arcade Fire.

I should sleep and not be tired tomorrow.

Do I need to sell my soul to do well in 420?

I just finished the first of many hellish weeks to come. I wish I hadn't spent so much time on my stupid stupid lab course because what did I get back? Crap sequences on most of my stuff. I think I have one that might be useable... ONE. I bombed my debate yesterday. I froze up and forgot what I was going to say. Even though I practiced.

Not to mention I probably did crappy on the assignment I handed in... needless to say it is back to the drawing board for my lab course. I think I'll set up a new set of phage lysates... and see if I can get anything interesting.

I think today will be better. Unless I find out that my one sequence is crap too.

I feel like I'm losing my soul to this course. What if research is beyond what I am capable? I don't want it to be... but what if it is?