Well I'm up late again tonight... I had a major anxiety attack earlier this evening regarding biochem.

As long as I have all of those before the exam and not during the exam I'll be fine.

Good weekend... well at least sorta. I mean as good as it could be considering I studied amino acids all weekend...

bed calls...

song of the night: The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most- Dashboard Confessional

Well another week have come and gone. I guess I've feeling better than I was the last time I posted which is good but I really I have no reason for this change. Maybe I've just re-become okay with being alone. Which is always good because I hated feeling the way I was before. Feeling like that makes me feel so powerless over my emotions. Not that I always want to have power over my emotions... but yeah. What I'd really like some power over is my hormones. They usually cause me more problems than my emotions.

So this weekend will be spent cramming for biochem. I have my first midterm in that course this Wednesday.

And I'm excited because tonight I am going to watch the premier of Gilmore Girls... woo hoo...

Otherwise my life is same old, same old. Song of the moment: Run - By Collective Soul and I Refuse by Sense Field

I should be in bed right but I'm not... anyhow this will be short... I found the perfect song to descibe how I am feeling and I had to share...

and the winner is: What Would Happen- Meredith Brooks

goodnight

It's late but I need to blog anyways. I'm not sure what about... but I have an overwheming desire to do so.

I talked to my Dad today. I kinda felt bad for not having phoned him since he helped me move. He sounded really good. I got a lot of news from him... lots of stuff I don't feel confortable sharing on here. Some stuff that kinda shell shocked me. My dad's horse injured its leg really bad... He spent a ton of money apparently trying to fix the leg where most people would have probably put the horse down or whatever they do to horses that get hurt.

Spent most of the day doing homework today... even so- I don't feel like I was very productive.

I'm so scared for my biochem midterm... it's too soon. ugh!

I wanted to write a huge paragraph on my state of mind right now... but I'm far too tired... and I have to get up in seven hours to go to school for the day! And when I say day- I mean I will be there for 10 hours or some sick amount of time like that...

song of the night: The Scientist- Coldplay

I had my first genetics lab today. I think it would be okay except I got a TA who has never taught the lab before and also has never taught anything in English before. Oh well, it will just be a lot more self directed than most bio labs. And i'll probably learn more from Lindsay's TA's handouts. Man, it would be great if our TA had handouts... I felt bad for him too. He was so nervous and we as students are so unforgiving as far as the language barrier goes. I'm going to try my best to be patient and such, give him the least trouble possible.

haha- the thermostat in my house is very sensitive... it just kicked in again... after being off for maybe 5 minutes.

I had some odd dreams last night. I can't remember much other than that David and this guy Ian (a cochrane guy) were in it. And they were both making me do weird things. Like climbing up a rope. But I wasn't really climbing up the rope... I was watching myself climb the rope on my computer... And they were both studying some sort of chemistry. Some really hard chem. Very theorectical.

So maybe I'll elaborate on how I've been feeling lately... maybe i'll be less vague than I was before. Or maybe I'll just keep it to myself... yeah.

Song of night: It's Not- Aimee Mann. Describes my state of being quite well... :)

sigh... biochem piling up... I haven't made much progress. 12 days until my first midterm... and i know very little.

anyways... other than that I think my stuff is going good.

as good as can be expected...

anyways... I really don't feel like pouring my heart out right now. although i have lots to pour my heart about.... don't feel like letting the world know how I feel on the inside...

goodnight to all...

song of the night: Dashboard Confessional- Standard Lines

Well another tuesday come and gone and as far as school work goes i didn't get much done... i do however understand genetics concepts better so that is good.

Not to gross all those reading out( but I will anyhow), but i feel like I am going to choke on my own phlegm and I'm starting to wonder if a shot of hard alcohol might do the trick as far as denaturing the protein lodged in my throat. Unfourtunatly I have no hard alcohol to test this theory... but the logic behind it seem about right... alcohol is pretty good a denaturing anything so yeah...although i'm not sure I'd be able to hold it in my throat for long enough to do any good....

On to less biologically gross topics (although all I can think of right now is the fact that I feel like choking...):

So I was a guinea for psych yesterday. So that was cool... but it was hard. The tester said there was no wrong answers... but I still was nervous. i mean I knew nothing about what they were asking... oh well pretty cool research anyhow.

I'm being thinking too much again lately... not that you really can think too much... but the brainstomer in me couldn't stop. Unfourtunately I haven't been able to convert this extra thinking into studying biochem.... unfourtunately this thinking seems to be centered around something completely unrelated to school. I'm being horribly vague, however, that is intentional. I wouldn't want anyone to actually guess what I might have been thinking about... because it is something I don't want to think about and yet I can't help myself.

I think i have rambled on about everything and nothing for long enough...

time to catch some zzzz's or listen to some more Dashboard Confessional... one of the two. I really should sleep... I've been up for far too long...

ciau for now:)

Lisa :)

Not understanding genetics is the least of my worries now. The fact that I don't understand biochem is far more daunting as the book sucks as far explanations go. That class is going to be the death of me.

I think it's funny that I haven't heard half the songs in my music library on my iTunes. That might have something to do with the fact that I stole around 700 songs from Daley. It's great- I keep finding new favorite songs. And I don't even have to turn on a radio or anything. They are all just there.

I'm really excited about my psych class. We have these online discussion groups and it seems like it will be really fun. My group seem like it will be pretty good- we sound like a bunch of keeners which is good because then we are likely to do well.

I got this cool program called a Konfabulator. It's hard to explain... but you use it to open widgets some of which are desktop weather or to-do lists ect. It's really cool. Only for macs though... the website is: www.widgetgalley.com.

So my newly discovered song is The Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessional... it doesn't really describe my state of mind or anything. But I really like it. I like it a lot.

Okay, on that note I'm going to sign off for today...

Well, another day has passed and this cold does not seem to be getting better. I guess you could say it is getting better but not at the rate that I wish it to.

I'm kinda not liking the fact that I don't understand my genetics stuff. I guess I will be going in for help tomorrow. I mean I'll think i understand it and then i'll go to do the problem and I won't be able to. It really sucks...

Nothing is really new in my life although I have this horrible sinking feeling that something is not quite right. This feeling is recent as in within the past five minutes. I feel just now at this very moment very unsure of myself. As if I am not spending enough time doing homework or something crazy like that. Which is true... i haven't spent nearly enough time doing biochemistry. Especially since I have been spending a lot of time trying to understand my genetics.

So that's all of my uninteresting news... back to the grind aka "my homework"....

Well, I haven't posted in approximately 10 days... so I guess I should. So school has been in for about a week and I've already picked favourites as far as courses go. I HATE biochemistry so far and my favourite (no surprise) is my first genetics course Bio 207. Placing second would be Anthropology- which I happen to love. I could almost see myself getting converted into an arts student because of that course. hahaha... well not quite. But you never know... I could always end up being a genetic anthropologist... which would be cool. Third fav is psychology which I have always liked so that isn't really a surprise... and Microbiology is kinda tied for third with psych... because it is pretty cool too.

Anyways, enough talk about school as fascinating as school is. Unfortunately I have been sick for the past three days. Some sort of head cold that seems to be going around because no one at uni ever stays home when they are sick, including me. I actually had to go on Tuesday though... cause I had a Lab and you really can't miss those unless you are almost dying which I wasn't so yeah. sigh... damn I'm still talking about school.

I've been having really weird dreams lately... I was going to post them on here so that I could remember them but it's too late now because I forget what they were about. Maybe it's all the cold meds I've been taking lately. Or it could just be because I'm crazy. Who knows?

So it's my turn to cook tonight... and I really don't know what I am going to cook... it think it will be something really simple like tomato tuna pasta or spicy peanut chicken pasta or rice. but we've eaten a lot of chicken lately... so I don't know.

Anyways... I really should get going. I'm already behind in biochem (because I can't seem to get interested) and I want to some genetics reading done before Lindsay gets home.

Okay- very excited! My roommate Lindsay is coming in a mere 15 minutes! Woo hoo!

That's all for now folks... later!

Well, I finally got the internet connected today. I really didn't realize how much I'd miss it until it was gone and I was cut off from the world!

It's funny, I'm lying on the floor right now in Lindsay's Room (because that is where it was easiest to connect it). I couldn't move my desk in here because then I would have to move my dresser... so the floor it is.

Haven't been up to a whole lot. Just hanging out at Jen, Megan and Daley's... doing a huge puzzle. I wonder if it is done yet...hmm.

Lindsay moves in tomorrow... exciting!

I'm really tired because I didn't sleep well last night.... 4 and half hours total.

sigh... well that's all for now folks.

So this is my last post from the good old city of Calgary. I'm tired as I have not slept well tonight... my bed partially packed up along with my comforter. I was up at 3:30 am to unpack my comforter as I was very cold. It seems fall is coming.

Well, this post is going to be short as I still have much to do before I head out on the road.

Until I get internet hooked up- Goodbye

Well it's been awhile since I've posted... I'm leaving tomorrow for Edmonton. It was supposed to be today but Dad needed the truck for something today and so we are leaving tomorrrow. It's probably best this way as I am not packed right now... well i'm partially packed but not totally packed.

It was kinda sad leaving my job last night. I mean, I really enjoyed working at Heritage Park and I will definately miss it. I should be so lucky to find a part time job like that in Edmonton.

Anyways... I will cut this post short as I have a ton to do...

My song of the moment is :Time of Our Lives by David Usher

Wow, didn't post on Sunday and now it feels like it's been forever... spent the day being lazy/domestic. I wanted to do something with my Dad but he forgot I had the day off and went and did "stuff". Which is okay because I got to see Lindsay and Michael for the last time until reading break.

After I dropped Linds and Michael off at their house I drove around aimlessly partially because the way I usually take out of Michael's was blocked by a huge hole... Somehow I ended up on 14th street headed in the right direction to take John Laurie, but I thought I was on a different street and didn't recognize where I was (although I was only a few blocks away from Daley's house...) and turned off of it only to have to turn back onto it... it was though driving around not really knowing where I was going, but really knowing... and that makes no sense. Whatever... I got home....

Only 4 more days of work and until I go back up to edmonton... kinda scary actually.

I'm excited though... I can't wait to put up my 5$ blue shower curtain...

Well time to catch some zzzz... later

Wow... I spent far too much time at my place of work today. I took my family to Heritage Park today and it was actually a lot of fun. I got to visit with my family- but not nearly as much as I would have liked. It was far too short for not having seen them in two years. And my Dad was looking really good, which makes me happy because he was very zombie like the last time I saw him and that worried me.

Feeling very much in need of a back massage...possible back injury from the moving of far too many tables and chairs... I think i might be exagerating... and spelling badly again.

Excited because tomorrow is my Friday... only five more days of working at heritage park. I think I'll miss it though. It's been a great job....

I'm in another one of those "let's put a song on repeat moods" Tonight it's Deliver Me- by Moist (thanks for the song, Ash.)

That's all for tonight... I told you there would be nothing deep and meaningful posted tonight. Especially because of my odd mood tonight... I've said tonight a lot in the past two lines. anyhow- good night until next time... ciau :)

I bought new glasses today! They are super cool... and very different from what I have now. I pick them up tomorrow morning. I bought sunglasses too... I'm almost more excited about those...

I was supposed to go to my friend's pool party tomorrow but my sister and her three kids are in from Swift Current and I'm seeing them instead. Unfortunately I couldn't convince them to go to the pool party... I haven't seen them in about two years. It doesn't feel like it's been that long but time sure flies.... and now my niece is 13. It's amazing. I used to calculate when I was 13 how old I'd be when she was finally thirteen. And I always thought it was soooo far away. But herre I am... 20 years old and she's 13. My nefew is 11 and my other niece is 9.... I can't wait to see them. They've probably changed a lot since the last time I saw them.

I could have gone to a party tonight but I didn't really feel like it. And I have to get up early tomorrow and although I'd "plan" not to stay late and "plan" not to drink it probably wouldn't happen and I'd get home at 3:00 in the morning and be dead tired. And then I'd have to get up at 8 and be all cheery with my relatives and I'd probably be more like a zombie.

Song of the day- Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley... I love this song soooo much.

No deep insights today as I didn't do a lot of thinking.... come to think of it... there probably won't be any tomorrow either. I won't have time to think....Well time to sign off... Peace to all and to all a goodnight....

Okay... so I hardly did anything productive today besides work. Which means I had a day full of thinking...

I guess I was kinda in my own little world all day... a hazy daze just like the weather today. All the smoke looks like a fog....

Anyhow so I was thinking today... (while my internal radio played California by Phantom Planet on repeat) and I started feeling rather nostalgic. Actually... I've been feeling very nostalgic for quite awhile now... it's odd. I can't help but think of the past lately. I think it might be being back in Calgary for the summer. It almost feels like I'm preparing for my life to start again. Although it's not like life has ended here... but it feels like I'm living in the past and yet at the same time not.

I feel like I'm floating in between two times... the past and the future.

And then I was thinking about how long it's been since I've actually liked a person. As more than a friend that is. And when I say *actually* liked I mean... personality and all. I mean I've had some crushes- purely physical though and no one I'd feel comfortable pursuing anything with. People who don't know I exist and people who after I talked to them didn't seem so appealing after all. And then the people I have *actually* liked have been completely unavalible in their own special ways... ( I don't want to go into detail on this one as it is personal) I'm starting to wonder whether I ever will like again. But then I started thinking more rationally and realized I'm only human and of course I'll like again... it's just a matter of time...

As okay as I am with being single... I guess I am starting to feel a little lonely. I guess I just want what most people want... someone to share their life with. But I'm also willing to wait... as long as it takes...

And on that note I think i'll end this for the night... goodnight to all!

Well it's my Friday and it's yet another night in for me. But I'm okay with that... I guess I kinda would have liked to go out but whatever...

Anyways... I have a rant tonight and it's something I was thinking about at work today. Okay, I was talking to my co-worker Karyn and she's been "getting to know" this guy who picked her up at the gas station. Anyways, apparently last night they "defined" their relationship as being "friends with benefits". For the record, I hate the term "friends with benefits". Okay I have no problem with people having flings and such. But please don't call it friends with benefits.... call it what it is. The reason why I dislike the term so much is because friends - if that is what you are- DON'T makeout with each other. They don't fool around with each other... etc. Or at least them didn't the last time I checked... but I guess you are going to say well that's why we are friends with benefits... the more I rant the more I realize I really don't hate that particular label "friends with benefits" ... I hate all labels. I mean why put yourself into a box? Because society needs to know blah blah... well society can go to hell. The moment the world can stop labeling people and trying to sort us into groups and categories and such is the moment that we will find peace in the world...

I guess I'll end on that note... I'm really not this angry in real life... I just had to write down what was going through my head at work today. And if it doesn't make sense... it doesn't... it is what it is... Well that's all for tonight... goodnight to all...

Another Monday has come and gone although for me it felt more like Thursday. That's because my day off is Wednesday. I am looking forward to my day off very much as I am going to the eye doctor and getting my hair cut. Well, I'm really only getting my hair shaped into some sort of style. Everything seemed to go my way today which was really nice. The day had a nice flow to it... and nothing seemed to bother me. I bought the coolest (and cheapest) fabric to make my duvet cover with and although I was running late for work I managed to get there with plenty of time to spare. I even got the worst area to clean in the park (worst meaning greatest number of windows and most sauna-like). I guess it comes back to the discussion I had last night with Caitlin. It's all your perspective. I guess I just chose to look at getting the trains (the area I cleaned) as a good thing. And then suddently it was.

Speaking of the conversation I had with Caitlin- it was great. I was starting to think I was incapable of have intellectual conversation and that would mean I was turning into some mindless bimbo which is certainly not my goal in life. I think I must quote part of what she said last night because it was so good, so well written and so what I believe:

" things are what you make of them, and you mold them by how you approach them. everything is a completely neutral stimulus, but it's your history and perspective which define it's meaning, which is personal to you

   perspective is a great thing, but unfortunately most people dont realize that you can change it with a little effort. people would rather sit there, put no effort in, and be miserable. it's insane. when you think about it, all it takes is a little effort, and you can change your perspective to one that brings you happiness..... and you will undoubtedly be happier in the long run...... "

When I think back to how we all were in grade ten when I met most of my friends I can't help but be proud of us and how far most of us have come in our lives. I am lucky to have the friends that I do as each one of them inspires me to be best that I be... (I know gag... but it's true...)

So yeah... tomorrow is my "friday" and that is exciting. And considering the late hour of my evening last night, I'm not that tired. So life is good...