I'm having one of those terrible, no good, very bad days...

I got my microbiology mark back... ugh. Well on the plus side I'm not failing the course... and I guess since I did well on genetics something had to give.... and really the mark isn't that bad... I should be happy like I was in grade 11 when I got 69's on stuff... I just wish it were 70. 70 looks better...

I forgot my anthro notes at home... so I'll be taking notes in my micro notebook and transfering them later... I hate doing that.

I sent all of my bio labs through my e-mail so i could work on them at school... but alas that didn't work as planned either. My one lab that did send won't open... the other one is fucked, and yeah. So right now I am piddling away useful time that could have been spent doing that- had stupid technology worked in my favour for once. As a result I will be up later tonight putting the finishing touches on the stupid reports.... and in some ways I guess that is my own fault for not doing it last night.

So I am feeling very discouraged, very much like doing nothing at all- when in reality that is the opposite of what I SHOULD be doing! AHHHH!

Well seeing as I can't really work on my bio labs anymore I should probably go somewhere to try and finish what I can that doesn't involve stupid technology.

so yeah...

mood: irritated, tired, on the verge on a breakdown...
Song: Lonely Day - Phantom Planet

I guess I'd have to say I'm kinda down... it's never a good sign when I start bringing out the sad songs. I also can't concentrate very well on what I am trying to work at. I'm scared I'll fail and right now I don't care. That's not true, I do care but it doesn't make me any less distracted.

I want to go visit my dad. I don't want to write three midterms in the next two days. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep but I know I can't. Or just sit on a couch and watch movies. Like Bend it Like Beckham... or American Beauty or Life as a House.

I wish I could cry... I think it would help release a little of what is inside of me. Too bad I'm all dried up...

Mood: worry, with a side of guilt and exam anxiety
Song: Nothing to do with anything just a song I'm liking right now- Photograph by Blue Rodeo. (that's right I've brought out the country)

Okay... the stress is building but I just have take things one by one. I was freaking out last night... I seem to have one mental breakdown a night... well mental breakdown seems extreme, but I do freak out.

I think Lindsay thought I was crazy for going for a walk at 10:30 with Daley. Well maybe I am crazy, but i needed to get out of the house.

I had the most intense craving for medicated lip stuff. I guess old habits die hard. I could be addicted to other things, much more addictive things and I'm glad that I am not.

I'm supposed to go to a birthday party tonight... I want to go but I feel like I should neglect my school work... ugh. I hate that feeling...

Well I should go... later.

Unfortunately I can't share today's "wonderful" events with you all. It involved a waste of time and lots of bus riding and lots of waiting and me getting to know the city better. And and the end of it all I still have the same problem I started with and won't know for three days if there is any solution to it. I'm so very uncomfortable...

Anyhow...

I should go and try and sleep so I can be more productive tomorrow.

goodnight...

Mood: Irritated and uncomfortable
Song:Karma Police - Radiohead

Okay this will be short cause it's 1:00 am and I am tired!

I love turkey!

My first turkey dinner made by me and it was great!

Off to bed...

Mood: Turkey sleepy
Movie: I've been quoting Lord of the Rings ALL day... must be the food!
Song: In My Life- The Beatles...

Wow... I seem to have gotten myself into the wonderful world of cramming once again. Why do I do this to myself? I want to cry because I'm so far behind, but that will do nothing. Last year I wouldn't have cared this much, but these courses matter to me. Why have I done nothing all week? Where did my week go? Alas... I cannot answer these questions.

I've been hiding, and in fact I still am. I've put up a wall, one that probably won't come down anytime soon. I built it strong, so that I couldn't be hurt again. I'd like to take it down- take my chances with the world again, but I'm so scared I'll be hurt again. I know, though, the greatest risks taken in life are often the most rewarding experiences. Not that I have any specific risks right now. Generally though, I am scared to put myself out there when it comes to relationships. I also generally try and bury myself in my schoolwork to forget about stuff like this. I guess that should work well for the time being seeing as I have so much.

Happy to be having turkey tomorrow...

Unhappy about the state of my school affairs...it will be a wonder if I sleep tonight.

I guess I'll go try...

oh yeah... song of the night: Save Me- Aimee Mann... in fact I feel like listening to a whackload more of Aimee Mann music... she's awesome for my mood.

Wow, time flies when you are having fun! And fun I did have time weekend! I relaly should get back to studying anthro as my midterm is tomorrow but I'll do a quick blog and be on my way.

Well Lindsay's friend Jenny came for the weekend so on friday we picked her up from the bus depot and proceeded back to out hovel. We made fajitas and carrot cake for our wonderful night in which consisted of good conversation, great TV(Gilmore Girls and Sex in the City) and even better food (mmm carrot cake!). Up early the next day for our date with our bacteria and then it was off to the gym. After the gym we head to west ed for some shopping- ugh I hate west ed more with every visit. Bought a cool shirt that only set me back 7$. Made our way back to the Hovel for a quick nap before heading out for supper and drinks at O'Byrnes. The food was some pretty damn good bar food and my tequila sunrises weren't bad either. To top it all off- I won an Alexander Keith's mug! It's quite nice! We decided we would have to go out more often as we had loads of fun and got our minds off of school for a few of hours. We even made a pact to go out after finals. We even shook on it...

So after the walk home that seemed shorter than the walk there (hmm I wonder why?) we got ready for bed, ate some more carrot cake and chatted some more...

today was spent studying for anthro... all and all a great weekend!

Back to the grind!

Mood: Contented
Song: Flake- Jack Johnson

Well I'm up late again tonight... I had a major anxiety attack earlier this evening regarding biochem.

As long as I have all of those before the exam and not during the exam I'll be fine.

Good weekend... well at least sorta. I mean as good as it could be considering I studied amino acids all weekend...

bed calls...

song of the night: The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most- Dashboard Confessional

Well another week have come and gone. I guess I've feeling better than I was the last time I posted which is good but I really I have no reason for this change. Maybe I've just re-become okay with being alone. Which is always good because I hated feeling the way I was before. Feeling like that makes me feel so powerless over my emotions. Not that I always want to have power over my emotions... but yeah. What I'd really like some power over is my hormones. They usually cause me more problems than my emotions.

So this weekend will be spent cramming for biochem. I have my first midterm in that course this Wednesday.

And I'm excited because tonight I am going to watch the premier of Gilmore Girls... woo hoo...

Otherwise my life is same old, same old. Song of the moment: Run - By Collective Soul and I Refuse by Sense Field

I should be in bed right but I'm not... anyhow this will be short... I found the perfect song to descibe how I am feeling and I had to share...

and the winner is: What Would Happen- Meredith Brooks

goodnight

It's late but I need to blog anyways. I'm not sure what about... but I have an overwheming desire to do so.

I talked to my Dad today. I kinda felt bad for not having phoned him since he helped me move. He sounded really good. I got a lot of news from him... lots of stuff I don't feel confortable sharing on here. Some stuff that kinda shell shocked me. My dad's horse injured its leg really bad... He spent a ton of money apparently trying to fix the leg where most people would have probably put the horse down or whatever they do to horses that get hurt.

Spent most of the day doing homework today... even so- I don't feel like I was very productive.

I'm so scared for my biochem midterm... it's too soon. ugh!

I wanted to write a huge paragraph on my state of mind right now... but I'm far too tired... and I have to get up in seven hours to go to school for the day! And when I say day- I mean I will be there for 10 hours or some sick amount of time like that...

song of the night: The Scientist- Coldplay

I had my first genetics lab today. I think it would be okay except I got a TA who has never taught the lab before and also has never taught anything in English before. Oh well, it will just be a lot more self directed than most bio labs. And i'll probably learn more from Lindsay's TA's handouts. Man, it would be great if our TA had handouts... I felt bad for him too. He was so nervous and we as students are so unforgiving as far as the language barrier goes. I'm going to try my best to be patient and such, give him the least trouble possible.

haha- the thermostat in my house is very sensitive... it just kicked in again... after being off for maybe 5 minutes.

I had some odd dreams last night. I can't remember much other than that David and this guy Ian (a cochrane guy) were in it. And they were both making me do weird things. Like climbing up a rope. But I wasn't really climbing up the rope... I was watching myself climb the rope on my computer... And they were both studying some sort of chemistry. Some really hard chem. Very theorectical.

So maybe I'll elaborate on how I've been feeling lately... maybe i'll be less vague than I was before. Or maybe I'll just keep it to myself... yeah.

Song of night: It's Not- Aimee Mann. Describes my state of being quite well... :)

sigh... biochem piling up... I haven't made much progress. 12 days until my first midterm... and i know very little.

anyways... other than that I think my stuff is going good.

as good as can be expected...

anyways... I really don't feel like pouring my heart out right now. although i have lots to pour my heart about.... don't feel like letting the world know how I feel on the inside...

goodnight to all...

song of the night: Dashboard Confessional- Standard Lines

Well another tuesday come and gone and as far as school work goes i didn't get much done... i do however understand genetics concepts better so that is good.

Not to gross all those reading out( but I will anyhow), but i feel like I am going to choke on my own phlegm and I'm starting to wonder if a shot of hard alcohol might do the trick as far as denaturing the protein lodged in my throat. Unfourtunatly I have no hard alcohol to test this theory... but the logic behind it seem about right... alcohol is pretty good a denaturing anything so yeah...although i'm not sure I'd be able to hold it in my throat for long enough to do any good....

On to less biologically gross topics (although all I can think of right now is the fact that I feel like choking...):

So I was a guinea for psych yesterday. So that was cool... but it was hard. The tester said there was no wrong answers... but I still was nervous. i mean I knew nothing about what they were asking... oh well pretty cool research anyhow.

I'm being thinking too much again lately... not that you really can think too much... but the brainstomer in me couldn't stop. Unfourtunately I haven't been able to convert this extra thinking into studying biochem.... unfourtunately this thinking seems to be centered around something completely unrelated to school. I'm being horribly vague, however, that is intentional. I wouldn't want anyone to actually guess what I might have been thinking about... because it is something I don't want to think about and yet I can't help myself.

I think i have rambled on about everything and nothing for long enough...

time to catch some zzzz's or listen to some more Dashboard Confessional... one of the two. I really should sleep... I've been up for far too long...

ciau for now:)

Lisa :)

Not understanding genetics is the least of my worries now. The fact that I don't understand biochem is far more daunting as the book sucks as far explanations go. That class is going to be the death of me.

I think it's funny that I haven't heard half the songs in my music library on my iTunes. That might have something to do with the fact that I stole around 700 songs from Daley. It's great- I keep finding new favorite songs. And I don't even have to turn on a radio or anything. They are all just there.

I'm really excited about my psych class. We have these online discussion groups and it seems like it will be really fun. My group seem like it will be pretty good- we sound like a bunch of keeners which is good because then we are likely to do well.

I got this cool program called a Konfabulator. It's hard to explain... but you use it to open widgets some of which are desktop weather or to-do lists ect. It's really cool. Only for macs though... the website is: www.widgetgalley.com.

So my newly discovered song is The Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessional... it doesn't really describe my state of mind or anything. But I really like it. I like it a lot.

Okay, on that note I'm going to sign off for today...

Well, another day has passed and this cold does not seem to be getting better. I guess you could say it is getting better but not at the rate that I wish it to.

I'm kinda not liking the fact that I don't understand my genetics stuff. I guess I will be going in for help tomorrow. I mean I'll think i understand it and then i'll go to do the problem and I won't be able to. It really sucks...

Nothing is really new in my life although I have this horrible sinking feeling that something is not quite right. This feeling is recent as in within the past five minutes. I feel just now at this very moment very unsure of myself. As if I am not spending enough time doing homework or something crazy like that. Which is true... i haven't spent nearly enough time doing biochemistry. Especially since I have been spending a lot of time trying to understand my genetics.

So that's all of my uninteresting news... back to the grind aka "my homework"....

Well, I haven't posted in approximately 10 days... so I guess I should. So school has been in for about a week and I've already picked favourites as far as courses go. I HATE biochemistry so far and my favourite (no surprise) is my first genetics course Bio 207. Placing second would be Anthropology- which I happen to love. I could almost see myself getting converted into an arts student because of that course. hahaha... well not quite. But you never know... I could always end up being a genetic anthropologist... which would be cool. Third fav is psychology which I have always liked so that isn't really a surprise... and Microbiology is kinda tied for third with psych... because it is pretty cool too.

Anyways, enough talk about school as fascinating as school is. Unfortunately I have been sick for the past three days. Some sort of head cold that seems to be going around because no one at uni ever stays home when they are sick, including me. I actually had to go on Tuesday though... cause I had a Lab and you really can't miss those unless you are almost dying which I wasn't so yeah. sigh... damn I'm still talking about school.

I've been having really weird dreams lately... I was going to post them on here so that I could remember them but it's too late now because I forget what they were about. Maybe it's all the cold meds I've been taking lately. Or it could just be because I'm crazy. Who knows?

So it's my turn to cook tonight... and I really don't know what I am going to cook... it think it will be something really simple like tomato tuna pasta or spicy peanut chicken pasta or rice. but we've eaten a lot of chicken lately... so I don't know.

Anyways... I really should get going. I'm already behind in biochem (because I can't seem to get interested) and I want to some genetics reading done before Lindsay gets home.

Okay- very excited! My roommate Lindsay is coming in a mere 15 minutes! Woo hoo!

That's all for now folks... later!

Well, I finally got the internet connected today. I really didn't realize how much I'd miss it until it was gone and I was cut off from the world!

It's funny, I'm lying on the floor right now in Lindsay's Room (because that is where it was easiest to connect it). I couldn't move my desk in here because then I would have to move my dresser... so the floor it is.

Haven't been up to a whole lot. Just hanging out at Jen, Megan and Daley's... doing a huge puzzle. I wonder if it is done yet...hmm.

Lindsay moves in tomorrow... exciting!

I'm really tired because I didn't sleep well last night.... 4 and half hours total.

sigh... well that's all for now folks.

So this is my last post from the good old city of Calgary. I'm tired as I have not slept well tonight... my bed partially packed up along with my comforter. I was up at 3:30 am to unpack my comforter as I was very cold. It seems fall is coming.

Well, this post is going to be short as I still have much to do before I head out on the road.

Until I get internet hooked up- Goodbye