More epiphanies and studying

I have one killer of a midterm on Thursday and I just wasn't seeming to find the motivation to study. So I was looking at possible careers as my roommate, Anne, remarked I always seem to do. the more I look into it, the more I think I want to do this. I think I want to be an occupational therapist. Their work is varied- there is almost nothing that they don't do. This also makes it hard to describe what they actually do. Anyhow- the job involves helping people which is exactly what I want to do. Now that I have a goal... a new goal, it think it will be easier to motivate myself to continue to do well so that I can actually get in... and so that I have no problems getting in. Right now- minimum entrance average on your last two years is a 3.0, competitive average is a 3.2 and I have a 3.5 right now so if I keep it up I should be good. Sara, my other roommate, said she would help me research the career by taking me to satellite club at the hospital. Satellite club is run by an occupational therapist and it is an activities club for people that have been discharged from the psych ward.

So tomorrow will be a fun filled day of studying/picking up a costume for Halloween at value village. I am being a pirate. I should go to sleep. I have been wanting to for hours now.

Before I go- sorry for not "moderating the comments". I didn't know I had to, to get them to appear. I just thought that people weren't commenting. But you were... and I thank you!

Ranting instead of working

I should be stuyding for a make-up exam I have tomorrow but I am too angry. Some forgot to put TAE in our running buffer, and I subsequently made a gel with this so called running buffer (water) and tried to run it in the so called running buffer.

At about 12:30 pm today I am told by our technician that it was a water gel and that she threw it out. I didn't know whether to cry or to walk into the lab and find the culprit and kill them. This ruined about three full days (8 hour days, no classes) of work, not to mention put me about a week behind and IT NEVER HAD TO HAPPEN. Fucking hell- I wish people were more careful when they are making something that everyone will use.

So I decided that all I would be able to do today is my mouse stuff and then go home because I was shaking that I was so upset. So upset. I cried on the way to the mouse facility. And I still don't know how I am going to work in there tomorrow.

Certainly not a good day in the life of Lisa. Not good at all.

Lab Monkey

And so it begins again. Hours spent in the lab on weekends. The more I think about it... the more I realize that I am really not in the right career. I am such a people person and I am heading towards a career that involves minimal contact with people. Well- you always interact with people but there are long periods where you don't. I guess that would be like a lot of jobs... like a desk job except that instead of a desk, I would get a lab bench and a desk.

I guess the plus side of this- is I know that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I could probably hack it for maybe about 2 or 3 years before becoming fed up with it. I mean it is awesome when things work, but when they don't- and they don't for as long time, it gets frustrating. I'm going to start researching careers, see if I can find a career where I get to work with people (yes I know every job involves working with people) but actually helping people.

If anyone has any idea of what they think I might be good at and like- please let me know. So far- people have said I could become a teacher, some sort of counsellor and someone even told me they thought I would make a good sales person.

Anyhow... I should get back to studying for my music exam. Not that I really need to study that much... but I want an A in this class, so I need to so especially well on the exams to do that because it is not curved. Yes- a class at the U of A that is not curved. I was as shocked as you might be.

Running

I have rediscovered my love of running. I went with my roommate Sara to Frank McNamara Cross Country series race. We ran an 8 km race in the river valley- a two lap race that took us from Emily Murphy Park to Kinsmen and back again. I have never ran 8 km before so all things considered I was just happy I finished the race. My time was pretty good for a newbie (with no training really) at 49:23. I'm going again next week and we will see what happen. If all goes well I am going to start training for the half marathon with Sara in October. And I didn't come in last... well almost (in my age group)... but still not last.

Anyhow... sleep calls. What a great day...

Little Miss Sunshine

The best movie that I have seen so far this year. I laughed, I cried... I clapped. I don't see a lot of movies though... so don't take my word for it. Go see it and judge for yourself.

I think one of my favourite lines was, "If you slept through High school, you'd miss some of your best suffering years." Or " Have lots of sex. Not just with one women, with lots of women." I guess the quotes were funnier in the context of the movie.

In other news... perhaps I have filled my plate too full at the buffet of life this time. Feeling overwhelmed already and it is day 2 of the second week of school. Ugh... I think I just need to suck it up and study.

I should go. I have an early morning tomorrow. I might sleep in... but I might not too.

I finally figured it out...

Ever since other people started switching to blogger beta- I wanted to... but couldn't figure out how. And now I have so now I am using it.

In other news... lost keys were found... school is busy... Lisa isn't sure how she is going to read all that she needs to.

And I need to be at school by 7:30 am so I am off to bed!

Idiot

This post is entitled idiot referring to myself. I am an idiot. In the past few weeks I have managed to lose my lab keys and misplace my other key enumerable amounts of time. Today was probably of the worst times as I forgot my keys in my lab and since my roommate was home when I got home I didn't notice until I went to leave and didn't have them. So Ryan- bless his soul- went all the way back to the university by himself (because I couldn't leave my house in case my keys weren't there) and thankfully, Monica in my project lab had keys to my job lab and let Ryan in to get them.

Sometimes I wish I could surgically attach my keys to myself somehow.

New Look

I was having trouble fixing a few of the glitches of my old page so I picked this new pre-packaged template that actually reminds me a lot of my old one, although perhaps slightly more refined.

But I should go to bed so that I can get up early and go to work tomorrow! Yay!

Has it really been that long?

I haven't felt much like blogging lately. Well I think that is more than obvious with the long amount of time since my last entry. I've been busy I guess. I am no longer working at Fort Edmonton and I am now working in a lab. I really like my lab job. I think it is the first time in a long while that I have really enjoyed Science again. My only problem is- I never feel like working on my 499. My project for my 499 is somewhat boring. Actually I am working on it right now as we speak. I think it will start going better soon. Or at least I hope.

In other news, I had a wonderful weekend. Lindsay, Michael and Jane came up to visit me and it was tons of fun. We went to the World Waterpark at West ed and dress shopping for Lindsay. I really do miss my friends. I am going to Calgary the next weekend and the weekend after to visit before school starts. I haven't really been down to Calgary since May and I really want to visit my family.

I can't think of what else I want to say so I think I will leave it at that.

Best Wedding EVER!

I have just come home from one of the best weddings I have been to in awhile. It was my roommate Nicky's wedding and she did an awesome job with it. I think what I liked most about it- was that all of our tables were named after famous scientists and she didn't sit people with people they knew- so we were forced to get to know other people. She arranged the tables so that you would have things in common with that table. Our table got along fabulously. It started out pretty formal (you know the typical questions- what are you studying etc. ) and by the end of dinner we started taking all of the chocolate boxes and reconstructing famous monuments, starting with Stonehenge. After we ran out of famous places to reconstruct, we moved on to playing dominoes with the boxes. That was fun and got a little rowdy. So much so, that we started to attract a crowd. Then people started to bring us their empty chocolate boxes and the dominoes games became more elaborate.

The dance was pretty fun too. I think we probably would have stayed later if Nicky's mother wasn't forcing her to stay until everyone was gone. So we wanted to help her out by leaving.

Anyhow... I should be off to bed. This is the first weekend I have had off in awhile and I am going to Elk Island National Park tomorrow. I'm kind of excited to get out of the city- it should be fun!

Devonshire Cream

Devonshire cream has to be the most sinful and most amazing thing I have ever tasted lately. For those of you that don't know what this most delectable treat is I will have to enlighten you. It is whipped cream mixed with cream cheese. I thought I was forever in love with cream cheese icing until I found out about Devonshire cream. It tastes amazing on the scones that our pastry chef Jean makes. But I can think of many other thing this would taste amazing on... for example on angel food cake with strawberrys instead of normal whipped cream. I am going to have to find the recipe for this, although I am pretty sure work would give it to me. It isn't like it is some closely garded trade secret.

Well... since I am done yamming on and on about Devonshire Cream... I've been doing good lately. Besides having a crisis/revelation that I will never be happy couped up in a lab everything is just fine. It is funny, because it doesn't even bother me that I don't want to do lab work, after all this time and effort trying to get lab experience so that I could get said lab jobs. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to finding something I really want to do. Want that is- I'm not sure. But one thing is for sure. I HAVE TO WORK WITH PEOPLE. After spending years thinking I don't like working with people, I have discovered that I actually really enjoy it. more than enjoy it- I LOVE it.

Now I just need to find the right career involving people and everything will be good. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Anyhow... I should sleep. Big day in the lab tomorrow. Woot!

New Post on the Food Blog

So I haven't been very good at posting on either of my blogs lately, but really you haven't missed much. So if you want to check out my post on hot dogs in a bowl, click here.

Maybe if I feel like it, I'll post again later!

Post Number 350

I'm getting really bad for not blogging. Mostly because I had been really busy and something's got to give. I was thinking that would do some huge update to say how my life has been up until now but part of me doesn't really feel like it. Really it isn't that fascinating... or at least I don't think so.

So I officially hate the curve... and finally have been bitten in the ass by it. 0.5 of a % away from a B+. Ugh... officially (or unofficially as it is right now) my lowest mark in a genetics course to date. And it is stupid because there is no spread in the class (our highest mark was 80%, most people getting the class average which is 62%) and somehow they have to hand out a variety of grades. I highly don't recommend it, to any0ne who might be thinking of taking human genetics for fun not to. It is a 4th year survey course of the worse kind- the kind where you really leave it knowing as much as you did when you started and wonder why you wasted your money taking a course that didn't teach you anything new. I learned more in my physiology course I didn't study for until the final. And that is saying something.

Anyhow... I'm off to get my hair cut- it really needs it after almost a whole year of growing.

Dead End or Existential Crisis?

I'm having another- 'why am I here and what am I doing with my life?' crisis. A couple of days or weeks ago, I started to feel mediocre and that my life is going nowhere. I feel like I am at a dead end and I don't know what I am going to do.

I honestly can't bring myself to write much more right now, because I am falling asleep and I want to go to bed.

I just hope I'll see a sign. Something to tell me I am on the right path.

Sicker than a Dog

My body seems to like to quit on me when I least want it to. I have so much due in the next few days and I feel like my head is going to explode. Yesterday, I didn't move off the couch. Today, I got slightly more done, but still not that much considering what is still left.

Is my body trying to tell me something? Ugh... I don't need a lesson right now. I need a mind that can process things and energy to work.

Why?

My First Post in My New Hobby Blog

I have finally made my first post in my new food blog. The only thing it doesn't have but needs is pictures. But alas my camera's batteries were dead and I was hungry and said meal that I talk about in the entry was devoured.

The address is: http://tequilalimes.blogspot.com/. And it is also a link in the "Links" section of this page!

Check it out!

g'night!

Why was I so scared?

So I finally did something I should have a long time ago: I told someone I care about exactly how I was feeling. It wasn't easy... it just sort of came out. I tried to bring it into the conversation, but it is hard to talk seriously with someone that that likes to joke about things. And then I got frustrated and started to cry. I think the fear of sharing these feelings comes from times in the past where I completely opened up and got really hurt. I was scared of it happening again, but it didn't. So my goal is to get over this fear completely and free myself from emotional constipation.

Anyhow... I had a productive day in the lab and it was nice to get to hang out with Ryan. Reading week is actually going to be spent reading. And relaxing of course... but I want to have my oral presentation done and over with before school starts back.

So disappointed...

Ugh... I hate doing poorly, when I think I could have done better. I feel like that is the story of my life in this lab course. I wish there were some sort of effort mark in the class. You know, 5% to tell you that yes you did try hard even if your mark does not reflect it. I feel like I need to do more, always more to do better in that class. At times, I love the challenge. At other times, like right now, I just feel burnt out. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to do as well as I might like. I need to become more consistant. I've decided, especially in regards to my lab course, I am going to start doing all the background readings and making myself a notebook that describes exactly why we are doing everything- reagents, steps, everything. As well as some more general knowledge about lab techniques.

I think if I do that, I'll have the background I need to possibly do better in this class. I hate floundering like I am right now. It feels awful. Its almost like part of me has stopped caring. Anyhow, I need sleep if I am going to face the lab tomorrow.

Randomness... a google thing... taken from Steph's blog

Your Name
Lisa Rae
http://davepics.com/Album/2003/05-23.Lindy_Prom.SDLX/tn/dsc01011.jpg.html

First Pet's Name
Marmalade
http://www.swallowhillfarm.com/photos/Apple%20Marmalade.jpg

Favourite thing to to do on a Saturday
Relax
http://www.wiwi.uni-bielefeld.de/~wolf/software/relax/relax_files/hello2.jpg

What You Wanted To Be When You Grew Up
Interior Designer
http://www.aperfectworld.org/10303.htm

The Last 4 Numbers Of Your Phone #
(0532)
http://science.ksc.nasa.gov/shuttle/missions/sts-96/images/high/KSC-99PP-0532.jpg

Have a great Valentine's Day everyone :)

Children, wake up, hold your mistake up

So much stress... it's funny because I think I thrive on it. Maybe I'm just a masochist, but when I'm not being challenged I'm not happy. Challenge is interesting. I guess I like to see how far I can push myself and how much I can accomplish. I think unless I can find a career that is ever changing and constantly challenging, I will end up changing careers a lot because of this.

So if I complain about how much I have to do, or how stressed I am or mention how I broke down into tears, it isn't because I am unhappy. In fact, despite the amount of stress I am under right now, I think I am the happiest I have been in awhile. And as weird as that might sound, it is surprisingly true. I know I wish for easier times at times like these, but when it's an easy time I wish I had more to do.... so it is a catch-22.

Anyhow... The title of this entry... it's a line from my favourite song of the moment- Wake up by the Arcade Fire.

I should sleep and not be tired tomorrow.