Okay, so I said I'd update this with the story from last night. I will start from the begining.

As some of you know, I have been questioning remaining in my chosen program. Not because I don't enjoy genetics. It's not that. I feel the program is too narrowly focused. Which is to be expected from an Honors program. I still feel capable of doing it, but the question is whether I want to or not.

So my Safewalk evening begins and I meet my partner. Really nice guy- 4th year Biological Sciences major with a minor in psych. Another hopeful med student, which is fairly typical at the U of A. He then tells me he used to be in Honors physiology. I'm intrigued... not so typical anymore. So I asked him why he switched out. And he said he saw it coming from the end of second year. He wasn't enjoying the program much but he thought he'd give third year a try. He, like me, was stubborn and didn't really want to leave the program. So third year comes along, and he said it was like living hell. The hardest most detailed courses he's ever taken. And although he was doing well, he hated it. Not because he didn't like physiology... no because the program had become so focused that the big picture was gone. And you learn so much about ONE thing that you are like, "don't want to know any more...make it stop" So he switched out after third year and decided to do the major/minor thing.

I also liked what he said about the focus in the honors programs isn't really the material, but more the marks and although you may be smart, no fail you end up feeling like the stupid person amongst all the smart people.

Listening to him, I thought- that could end up being me. Just a couple of days ago I mentioned to Daley, that maybe I should stay in the program just to finish it. Which has to be the stupidest reason I have EVER heard to stay in a program. Mostly that stems from me not wanting to give up. He called that the science student stubborness. Which again is stupid. Because it really isn't giving up. I still have to convince myself of that though... The honors programs here, and probably a lot of other places, are so rigid. And I think that if I continue, I will end up hating something that I love.

Walking around, talking, thinking, laughing, just being last night gave me a chance to reflect. I had completely lost track of my ultimate goal when I went into genetics. Getting caught up in the program, in getting good grades to stay in the program, I lost my focus. I still want to be a genetic counsellor. So I am going to go for it. But in a different way. I think I basically decided to switch out of my program last night. Do a major in biosci, minor in psych. I think I like psych enough to get a minor in it. It also allows me to take a lot of the biosci courses I really wanted to take but couldn't with my honors degree and not take the ones I didn't want to take. And I'll decide what I am doing next if I don't get into genetic counselling. Pretty much everything I want to do requires some sort of degree before I can do it anyhow.... but it doesn't have to be an honors degree.

It was simply a great night. One of my best shifts ever. We soon got on to other more interesting topics such as playing pranks on people and I have to say, I was in the company of quite the master mind. When we got back to the office, we filled out the incident report sad we missed the Northern light everybody had talked about but happy that we saw 6 bunnies in Quad. Just as we walk outside though- there they are- the most beautiful Northern Lights I have ever seen.

So yeah... I'm a horrible story teller...

So that was my night. My happy elated feeling has been ruined by the prospect of trying to find a summer job. stupid working. bah.

Anyhow seeing as I was so excited last night, I only got 3 hours of sleep I am going to go to bed now. Goodnight Everyone!

State: tired... anxious
Song: Globes and Maps -Something Coporate