I'm sick of being sick. Sure I'm home from the hospital but only because I am not sick enough for them to keep me there anymore. I mean I still don't feel like myself again. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever feel like myself again.

I don't know how people deal with having cancer. I feel so weak(in mind/soul) compared to them. I'm sitting here, crying, thinking poor me and there are people that are suffering far worse than I in the world. Yet, thinking about them, still doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel like a horrible person for still feeling the way that I do. I feel so isolated. I haven't seen any of my friends since I have been back because of being too sick. Honestly, I'd give anything to be well enough to see one of my friends right now. It was so great to talk to Craig on the phone last night. Finally, I felt like I was connecting with someone outside my immediate family. On the note of family- they have been great through this whole ordeal. I saw my aunt that I rarely see, my sister and nephew, my Dad and Carol. Really it is amazing how you don't see family until something bad happens.

One thing, although I am feeling lonely, bored, restless, being sick has given me a greater appreciation for life.

I'm going to Brooks tomorrow to pick up some more clothing. Not that it will fit me properly. I'm 12 pounds lighter than I was when I went into the hospital. The funny things is, everything still fits me around the waist. It is just too big elsewhere. Actually, in all honesty, my clothing (except for my jeans) fits me better than it did before I got sick. My jeans are really baggy and they aren't supposed to fit like that.

Anyhow, I think that it enough complaining/ranting for today. I'll probably post again tomorrow. Or maybe not. We'll see. My snack calls so bye for now.