So all of my exams are done and that feels great. If only the profs would hurry up with the grades, I would be a happy.

Yesterday, I got up around 10:30 am- did nothing until about noon. Then my mom and I went to Sam's in Kensington for lunch. Great food... it usually is there though. Then we browsed the books in the books stores, went to a used bookstore, where I bought Harry Potter 1 and 2 to complete my collection.

Then we went to the registry where I paid lots of money to get my license renewed and sent off to wherever they make the new licenses. Eventually, we made it to the Health food store, where my mom bought some seeds and some other things. Just before supper we headed off to the library where I picked up two books: "Eleven Minutes"- by Paulo Coelho and the highly recommended (by some) "The Double Helix"- by James D. Watson. I finished reading "Eleven Minutes" last night. It was very good... I want to read it again already. True to Paulo Coehlo's style there were many quotable passages with deep philosophical messages which I am not sure I absorbed the first time. The book really touched me. I related to the main character of the story quite a bit, and the story restored my hope in love and its existence and necessity.

I think next on my reading list will be "The Double Helix". I'm kind of excited as I have heard great things about the book. Well great as in James Watson is really high on himself and that makes the book really funny.

Anyhow... I want to go for a run. I feel gross right now, and I am hoping that will help. Until next time...

State: Totally relaxed
Song:-
Book: Eleven Minutes-by Paulo Coelho (so I am already done reading it... big deal)

YAY!.... in 3 and half more hours I start my Genetics 275 exam which means I am 6 and half hours away from being done school!!!

I'm so excited... I think this is a record number of exam for me to have written in three days... and it might have cost me in Ecology... I walked out of that exam feeling very, powerless and like I almost certainly failed.

But I am over that now... and happy that it's all going to be over soon and that means that it is summer!

State: Happy... lalala
Song: La la la... something happy

So I haven't really taken the time to post lately, but since I have decided that my brain might explode I decided a long-ish break couldn't hurt. So I started by watching the overtime win of Ottawa over Toronto... which was nice, but has resulted in another game 7. One I won't be watching.

Then I searched the internet to find the genetics jokes I really liked from my first University genetics course. They aren't really funny though, if you don't know the background... anyhow they can be found here. This is one of my favourites: "My RNA, I'm sorry I misread your UAAUAAUAA and inserted three tyrosines when you repeatedly asked me to stop. Something got lost in the translation. Please forgive me."

But I think I am going to go back to reviewing stuff now, as I have been breaking for two hours. Not that I want to study anymore... but I feel like I might have found some vacancy. I can always hope...

State: No vacancy... well not really
Song: Moonlight Serenade- Klaus Badelt (Pirates of the Caribbean)

So I had a fairly uneventful birthday... as was to be expected. And I am sick of studying... and it is gross out. It always seems to snow around this time of year. hmmm....

Calgary won the game last night though, so that was cool. But Montreal lost... and that sucked because they should have won that game.

I have an exam tomorrow, and I have no idea if I am ready or not. I think I am, I mean it is mutiple guess- how hard can it really be? I think I have done a good job preparing... so yeah.

Anyhow I should get back to work...

State: Bored
Song: Random Classical- at this moment:some sort of mozart

Directly above is my mini-mized self. I made many but this was the one that best represented my geeky self. You too can be mini-mized.Just click here!

State: sick of studying
Song: random classical

Okay... Lindsay is turning me into a hockey fan. Calgary lost 2-1 to the Canucks. I think I need to get out of the house. Maybe I will.

State: Cabin fever
Song: Bulletproof- Blue Rodeo

Okay... so I had this big long post all ready and then safari quit and I lost everything. So I am going to write the abridged version...

Yesterday was my pseudo-birthday. All and all- a great day. Too bad now I have to study.

Anyone looking for a chick flick should check out: The Prince and Me! It was one of the best movies of this genre that I have seen in awhile. Probably because I could totally relate to the main character and how many movies nowdays depict the horridness of organic chem labs? Not very many.

Dinner at Julio's was great although I ate too much. My fishbowl margarita also was exellent. Pretty good deal considering its size... but not as good a deal of the fishbowl cocktails at the Cocktail club probably because those are triple the size of the one I had last night.

After dinner, we met Princess. We all went to timmy's and then Daley and Heather left. Princess, lindsay and I went to Scholar's a pub that boast a large collection of books. It used to be called the library... it was quite nice except for the drunken dude that tried to pick us up. Guys like that make me so uncomfortable. So I had a good time last night...
So I took this book quiz... I quite enjoyed this book quiz although I'm not sure I am really this book. I don't really care though because it is one of my favorite books of all time.

You're Ender's Game!

by Orson Scott Card

To you, most everything is a game. It's summertime, and the living's
easy. Even when there's a war on, it's just a game to you. But even though you've
historically been able to meet every challenge, there are some doubts about what lies
ahead. Are you sure you're up to the next test? Don't forget to pay attention to your
siblings.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

That's all for now folks...

State: good...
Song: Random Classical Music
Book: Molecular Genetics of Bacteria haha j/k

I'm having one of those rare moments of calm. Calm before the storm you might say. I had a wonderful pseudo-birthday with my mom today. She drove up to Edmonton to spend a day with me as my birthday present. It was really nice. Nice not to talk about school. Nice not to think about school for a WHOLE DAY! We went shopping at west ed. I don't usually like west ed, but this time I took a map at the begining, found all the stores I wanted to go to, circled them on the map did them in a sequence that made sense. Instead of my usual wandering that leaves me frustrated at the end of it all because I didn't get to go to a store I wanted to go to.

I bought a super sweet outfit for my interview tomorrow... a dress that I really need a hot date now to wear too. I finally have my very own little black dress. I was thinking of wearing it to the dress as your favourite era safewalk party... I could be the 1920's in my dress if only I have feather boa. I also got another pair of sweet ass flood pants... and TWO pairs of shoes. I love them both. I LOVE SANDAL SEASON! The one pair is from old navy and are so pretty and actually half decently confortable for flip flops... and the other are some cheap black sandals that go really well with the job interview outfit.

Oh and I got in for being an orientation leader! sigh... I think I am going to end this now. I was going to talk about something deep and philosophical but shopping and doing my nails has distracted me now so I think I will sign off of the night!

State: Pretty good...
Song: none

So I'm not getting much done on my lab report... so I'm going to kick myself later for wasting so much time and getting so little sleep.

So I decided to procrastinate and take the following quiz:

Take the Dead German Composer Test!

Wow... I didn't know my perfectionism would shine through in the Dead Composer test but apparently it does.

BTW... Stats can kiss my ass. Fucking P values, t-tests and ANOVA. Fuck them all. And what sucks even more is I am the only person in my stupid group that seems to understand anything about stats. So I almost have all of my results written out... and my materials and methods. Argh...

So off to Safewalk I go... at least that will get my mind off school for a bit.

Hope everyone else is doing well :)

State: Stat-urated with work
Song: Anxiety- Black Eyed Peas

I guess I haven't updated in awhile. I really don't know what to say. I think I have decided to stay in my program, but I might do my degree in 5 years instead of four.

I have a hellish month of school ahead of me. It least it looks horrible. hmmm...

I think I am going home for the summer, and I'll just work at Heritage Park for the summer. It's far easier to do that instead of trying to find a job in Edmonton and paying rent and the lot.

I baked cookies last night. skor bar cookies... they are so good.

anyhow... I'm tired. I wish I didn't have any assignments left. They take away from doing actual work. mind you that is kind of a backward thought seeing as most people find assignments to be the "real" work. Not me... assignments just get in the way of me studying for the subject.

Okay... that's enough for now.

State: Bleh...
Song: Anxiety - Black Eyed Peas

Okay, so I said I'd update this with the story from last night. I will start from the begining.

As some of you know, I have been questioning remaining in my chosen program. Not because I don't enjoy genetics. It's not that. I feel the program is too narrowly focused. Which is to be expected from an Honors program. I still feel capable of doing it, but the question is whether I want to or not.

So my Safewalk evening begins and I meet my partner. Really nice guy- 4th year Biological Sciences major with a minor in psych. Another hopeful med student, which is fairly typical at the U of A. He then tells me he used to be in Honors physiology. I'm intrigued... not so typical anymore. So I asked him why he switched out. And he said he saw it coming from the end of second year. He wasn't enjoying the program much but he thought he'd give third year a try. He, like me, was stubborn and didn't really want to leave the program. So third year comes along, and he said it was like living hell. The hardest most detailed courses he's ever taken. And although he was doing well, he hated it. Not because he didn't like physiology... no because the program had become so focused that the big picture was gone. And you learn so much about ONE thing that you are like, "don't want to know any more...make it stop" So he switched out after third year and decided to do the major/minor thing.

I also liked what he said about the focus in the honors programs isn't really the material, but more the marks and although you may be smart, no fail you end up feeling like the stupid person amongst all the smart people.

Listening to him, I thought- that could end up being me. Just a couple of days ago I mentioned to Daley, that maybe I should stay in the program just to finish it. Which has to be the stupidest reason I have EVER heard to stay in a program. Mostly that stems from me not wanting to give up. He called that the science student stubborness. Which again is stupid. Because it really isn't giving up. I still have to convince myself of that though... The honors programs here, and probably a lot of other places, are so rigid. And I think that if I continue, I will end up hating something that I love.

Walking around, talking, thinking, laughing, just being last night gave me a chance to reflect. I had completely lost track of my ultimate goal when I went into genetics. Getting caught up in the program, in getting good grades to stay in the program, I lost my focus. I still want to be a genetic counsellor. So I am going to go for it. But in a different way. I think I basically decided to switch out of my program last night. Do a major in biosci, minor in psych. I think I like psych enough to get a minor in it. It also allows me to take a lot of the biosci courses I really wanted to take but couldn't with my honors degree and not take the ones I didn't want to take. And I'll decide what I am doing next if I don't get into genetic counselling. Pretty much everything I want to do requires some sort of degree before I can do it anyhow.... but it doesn't have to be an honors degree.

It was simply a great night. One of my best shifts ever. We soon got on to other more interesting topics such as playing pranks on people and I have to say, I was in the company of quite the master mind. When we got back to the office, we filled out the incident report sad we missed the Northern light everybody had talked about but happy that we saw 6 bunnies in Quad. Just as we walk outside though- there they are- the most beautiful Northern Lights I have ever seen.

So yeah... I'm a horrible story teller...

So that was my night. My happy elated feeling has been ruined by the prospect of trying to find a summer job. stupid working. bah.

Anyhow seeing as I was so excited last night, I only got 3 hours of sleep I am going to go to bed now. Goodnight Everyone!

State: tired... anxious
Song: Globes and Maps -Something Coporate

Okay... I can't write much right now because I am going to class in like 5 minutes.... well leaving for school. But I think I may have had a HUGE HUGE HUGE revelation last night. Thanks to my wonderful safewalk partner.

It was one of those magical sort of nights. Northern Lights dancing above, six bunnies, hanging out in Quad.

Lets just say a huge light bulb went off in my head and I think I will be happier from now on. Light bulbs can be kind of annoying, as I didn't really sleep last night. My revelation indiced a sort of insomnia. Hopefully, I am able to sleep tonight!

I will tell the WHOLE story... when I get home.

For now you will just have to wait :)

State: Still excited... sort of annoyed I couldn't sleep
Song:I'm too excited for a song...

I'm wondering if I should listen to the wise advice of Aimee Mann...
hmmmm....
This is my song of the moment:

Wise Up
by: Aimee Mann
It's not
what you thought
when you first
began it
You got
what you want
Now you can hardly stand it, though
but now you know
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

You're sure
there's a cure
And you have finally found it
You think
one drink
will shrink you 'til you're underground
and living down
But it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

Prepare a list
of what you need
before you sign
away the deed
'Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
No, it's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No it's not going to stop
So just give up

I better get back to work... although I am kind of enjoying it. It happens now and again... which makes me question myself even more.

State: confused...
Song: See above :)

So, it has been a long time since I have written anything on here. Not because I haven't had anything to say, but more because I haven't really felt like typing stuff out. I'm been letting the thoughts stew in my head. I might continue to let them stew.

I'm not sure I want to sell my soul to the gods of genetics. As my roommate always says... "You are supposed to like it." Yeah... I know... but the more I learn the less I seem to want to. I do like my eukaryotic genetics course although it is kinda weird and I never know quite what I need to know... but it is interesting. I don't really like bacterial genetics that much. Or at least it doesn't feel like I like it. I'm not even sure anymore. Oh well... I hate talking about this stuff it's stupid and I wish I could just make up my mind.

I saw the Barbarian Invasions last night. It was really good but very very sad. the kind of movie where you have to hold back the sobbing. And it was educational- I now know what a blowjob is in french.

Right now I am working on my lab report that is due in a little less than two weeks. Yes, that's right it isn't due tomorrow and I am working on it. And it is coming along quite well. I'm planning on finishing it today. Or at least the rough draft.

I had more to talk about but I can't remember what it is anymore. I was feeling very philosophical earlier today. But I guess that passed. Darn.

State: Off...
Song: No Sleep - Sam Roberts

So I just got back from my Safewalk shift and I have to say this one went much better than the one before. I just don't think that me and the conservative guy, who likes american history really hit it off. My partner was really nice tonight and we actually never ran out of things to talk about, and I think he actually listened to me. The guy I walked with on Sunday would ask me questions at the begining of the night and then he asked me the same questions about an hour later.

We got off early though because he was sick. The shift mostly comprised of riding the bus from the school to the Fac and then back. We took our break in the safewalk office and the dispatcher told us we could go home. I've decided I really like the 10-1 shift. It's nice and peaceful out and there are more walks I think so you keep busier. I don't know it just seemed like it went by a lot faster.

Anyhow so far so good on the homework doing schedule although it is exhausting. My safewalk shift helped me forget I spent all that time studying though. It broke the evening up a little.

Anyhow... off to bed. Although I still do get to sleep in tomorrow. Yay for 12 o'clock classes!

State: Content but EXHAUSTED
Song: Completely random.... I have one line of a Dido song going around in my head... "be careful what you wish for" so something like that....

Hmmm... I just watched American Beauty. That movie never ceases to amaze me. Every time I watch it, I see something that I didn't see the last time. I always feel better about life after watching that movie.

I'm half-way caught up on my Wall of Work... which was, of course, cause for celebration. Lindsay and I walked to Safeway and picked ourself up some ice cream. Some Hagen Daaz ice cream to be precise. And you know what I found out tonight that really shocked me? There is no GST on ice cream. So I guess the canadian government deams ice cream to be a necessity. Well good on them. Too bad they don't consider feminine products necessary.

I don't really have much to say other than, I was pretty happy today. For the first time in a long time, I was happy sitting down reading my boring textbooks. And you know what, they weren't even that boring. For the first time in a long time, things feel right in my life. And that feel good.

State: Contented
Song: Dancing Bag Song- American Beauty

Okay... I just posted my post from last night because the internet wasn't working last night. Now I am going to do what I said I'd so last night:
The wall of work, by popular (well maybe not popular) demand:

Now I am going to go shopping for supper food and other food so I must be off!

State: Much better

Has anyone seen the movie Beyond the Valley of the Dolls? So Lindsay and I were watching Sex and the City and we kinda just kept watching and we ended up watching one of the weirdest, almost porn movies - well knowing Bravo it probably was porn.

It was weird because it wasn't quite graphic, it didn't quite have a story line, and yeah. And at the end- there were MORALS! Lindsay and I killed ourselves laughing. It was great. Ashley- this really whorish/porn star girl never knew the true meaning of love because she took advantage of boys and didn't have any regard for their feelings. The commentator guy went through all the "bad" characters and said what went wrong in their lives and what the "moral" of the story was.

I kind of think Austin Powers was loosely based on the movie.... or movies like it.

And you know the begining of "Smoke Two Joints" by Sublime- with the talking at the begining? The talking bit is from this movie. Lindsay looked at me funny when I started reciting the lines...

A memorable line : "I'd like to strap you on."- Whorish Ashley

Oh and, I can't forget :
Dirty old man: "Would you like something stronger than that?"( refering to non-alcoholic drink)
Kelly: "Yes, I would but they don't serve that at bars"

Okay I am going to sleep... hard to believe I am still awake.

Goodnight everyone... hope everyone had a groovy Friday night!

State: Exhausted but happy
Song: Incenses and Peppermints by ? it is on the Austin Power 1 soundtrack and this movie as well

Well, seeing as I am still awake I figured I would write something in here. I just finnished my lab report and while I think it is okay- I don't feel I'll get much higher than 60 something on it. I don't know. It just seems like a 60 something paper. Or maybe expectations are too high? Although I've never gotten 60 something on any lab report before this. Wow... I've blabbed on and on about nothing. But the evil that is my ecology lab report is over. sigh. That is until about two weeks from now, when I have another due. I'd like to think I'll start that one sooner and avoid pulling all nighter to finish them but I don't know. Pulling all nighters and lab reports seem to go hand in hand for me. Maybe I've conditioned myself into doing it this way. But that really isn't true. I didn't stay up nearly this late for my micro labs, probably because I found them more interesting to write. Sigh... I think that was my problem tonight. That and stupid excel.

I guess I should go to sleep for the half-hour fourty-five minutes I'll get. yay for morning labs.

okay I have said nothing of use, but I'm sure i probably entertained a few... if not at least people won't bug me about updating.

State: Sleepdrunken
Song: none

Okay some people want me to update so I guess I will. I want to implement a reward system for doing my homework.

I've been wondering about stuff lately. Psych sure puts a lot of ideas into my head. I wish I wasn't so tired so I could actually write everything that is blazing through my head right now. Self-perception is a powerful thing. I'm wondering if what we perceive ourselves as is what we really are? Or do we become what we perceive of ourselves? Would altering one's self-perception alter how other people see the person or would the world's perception remain the same?

Anyhow that is all for now. Sorry it isn't longer.

State: Pensive
Song: Song off of Lindsay's CD that I can't remember the name of