There is only one phase that could accurately describe my current situation: I'm fucked. As of right now, I have nowhere to live as the place I was going to rent fell through. I sure hope I can find somewhere else to live. I'm sure I'll be able to, but it's not like I really want to go back up.

To top it all off... the government sucks and has given me an all time low student loan- even though I have the same amount of money saved as my first year, I've made less money total, have received no scholarships, and my tuition and cost of living has gone up. It makes no sense...

I want to cry right now, and perhaps I will.

State: Losing it... :(

Okay... so I haven't been updating as much as I did before, and I guess I really don't have many excuses as to why that is. Maybe it is a good thing.

So Friday- I went to Banff with my Aunt, mom and cousin. We went up Sulfur Mountain and I got sunburned. It was fun. I also ran into my long lost friend's mom and she gave me my friend's phone number so I can call her when I get back to Edmonton.

Saturday was spent shopping- looking for the perfect pair of jeans. Sadly, success was not had. Saturday night I watched 50 First Dates at Karen's house with a bunch of people.

Yesterday, I went to work and noticed they gave me three days off in a row (W, Th, F). I'd be fine with this, only I have to come in on Wednesday anyways and it's not like I would put the day off to good use so I might as well be working. If I had know in advance that they wanted to give me three days off in a row, I would have planned something... like a camping trip. But this is such short notice, all my friends are working, and my mom isn't even home so its not like I have anyone to do anything with.

Oh... if anyone wants to come visit my nation on Nation States, it is called Linsemud and all you have to do to get there is click here.

State: Tired... and I've had lots of sleep. hmmm
Book: Nothing (unfortunately)

So I found a place to live. It's really nice, probably about a 10 minute walk (81 AVE and 110ST) from the university and a 1 minute walk to safeway which is nice. I don't care if stuff at that safeway is overpriced!!! I'm not paying $2.00 to go buy groceries somewhere else and I won't have a car so safeway it is. That is unless one of my roommates doesn't mind driving every once and awhile to safeway. I'll be living with four other people- so that will be a change from last year. I decided shared accomodation would be better because then I can live close to the university and still not pay too much in rent. The girl renting the rooms is really nice too. I felt really confortable with her, which is good because I will be living with her. The house is beautiful. It has hardwood floors throughout and this really cool floor (italian granite) in the kitchen. Anyhow... I am really excited about this!! Excited and relieved that I no longer have to go look for a place to live!!!! yay!

On the way home, my mom and I thought we would stop at Sylvan Lake... but it was too busy for our liking so we saw a sign that said 60km (or so) to Rocky Mountain House and decided we'd drive there because neither of us had ever been there. It was fun... we bought ourselves some moolattes and wandered around the town for awhile and then took the number 22 home.

Now I really want to go camping and hiking. But I have to work tomorrow so maybe next weekend!

Anyhow... I'm tired so I am going to stop writing right here.

Okay... I totally forgot I wanted to post some pictures I took when I went to watch the fireworks on Scothman's Hill with my family. So here they are:






I thought they were pretty cool anyhow. Well I have go do all that stuff I said I was going to go do before. Until next time... cheers!

Okay so I guess it has been awhile since I last posted- but honestly I haven't really felt like it as of late. Right now all I do is work and occasionally see people so nothing too exciting is happening. On tuesday I went to see the Tea Party with Caitlin, which was fun even if we only met up with each other after the show. I hadn't seen her since Daley left for Toronto and that was a long time ago.

Tomorrow I am driving up to Edmonton with my mom to go look at places to live. To avoid living in another basement/ living far from to uni on the other side of the river I have decided to look into shared accomodation. I've decided that while it might not be the right time of year to find great rental properties it is the perfect time of year to look for shared accomodation. So far the houses sounds pretty nice as do the people, but I want to meet them all seeing as I am going to have to live with whoever it is I meet all year. What I am really looking forward to is not living in a basement !!!!! And I'm pretty sure I'll live closer than I did last year to the school which is also nice. Lets just hope my apartment hunting is successful. But I have a good feeling about this time... I actually have quite a few places to look at before even going up and they have all booked times with me. Last year everyone was like, "call when you get here." and then I never saw their place.

Anyhow... I'm going to wash and make my lunch and get ready for my busy, busy day. Oh and I don't know how many people read this but if anyone is looking for a job- we have some in my department at Heritage Park. Two girls quit on us yesterday- one because she found a new job- she's from our morning crew and the other (from the night crew) because- well I guess she couldn't hack it. Which I think is absurd. I mean if you can't endure Heritage Park, who hires pretty much anyone, than I don't know where you are going to find a job. I guess she didn't really want the job. So anyone not scared of working hard is looking for a job the hours are from 4-9 and go ahead and apply! I'm done my shameless pitch for people to come work with me. Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the summer.

State: tired
Song: No sleep- Sam Roberts
Book: I just finished Children of Dune

So today was the perfect day to do lots of thinking. I went out with Phil for lunch. That was fun, it is nice to catch up with people from High school. He's grown taller than he was, if you can imagine that.

Later on today, I sat and read my book and thought about relationships. I think I have a relationship phobia. I'm scared, as most people are, of rejection. But I'm so scared of this rejection that it prevents me from doing anything when I am interested in somebody. At the same time, it causes me to close myself off when I sense someone else might be interested in me. I think it is becuase of this phobia that I am often attracted to guys that I can't have (not single, gay, different city) because these guys are safe. Because they are not available I do not have to worry about them hurting me. Sigh... so it is my goal to get over this retarded fear of relationships that was instilled in me four long years ago... I am going to do everything in my power to develop a healthy attitude toward relationships as the one I have right now does not serve me very.

Anyhow, I guess that is all I have been thinking about lately. I got into my lab course which is good news. I don't have to worry about that anymore. Now I just need to know if I have somewhere to live next year.

I guess I'll write more when I have more revelations...

State: Pensive
Song: My Number- Tegan and Sara
Book: Dune Messiah- Frank Herbert

It's been too long since my last post and aI keep thinking of cool things I'd like to write in here, things that never seem to get written. So I guess those things will never get written.

I went out with Rachel tonight... it was lots of fun.

I'm really tired and I don't know why I am posting because I can't think of anything good to say.

Goodnight!

State: Woah, tired!
Song: I'm not a pretty girl- Ani Difranco
Book: Dune Messiah (book 2 in the series)

I was so happy at work today that Virginia was like in her very cute portugese accent, "Do you have a boyfriend, because you are really happy?" Haha... it's funny that work could possibly give me the same kind of glow that a boyfriend could. I think I must have been just happy to be back at work. It was a semi-busy day today, but I think I handled it well. Chris was funny, haha all sad because today is Sunday and the liquor stores are closed early on Sunday.

So my mom's computer is virus ridden and I think I have made problems worse. Actually, I know I have because before it would start up and now all I get is the blue screen of death. I believe (based on some research I have done using the one virus name that came up) that the stupid hotbar web broswer toolbar might have something to do with this stupid virus problems. She has some sort of TrojanDownloader virus. Anyhow, can I say I told you so to my mom? I can't but I did tell her not to buy a PC and did she listen? No... and if she had she wouldn't have this problem. I have never had a virus on my mac although apparently they exist. I know how to fix macs most of the time when they break whereas I don't really know much about the PC so it didn't make sense for my mom (who knows even less about computers than I do) to buy a computer that I won't be able to fix.

Oh well, I just hope that we can recover stuff from her computer...

Anyway, I am kind of really tired. YAY!!!! Goodnight everyone!!!

State: Good/happy/tired
Song: H.W.C.- Liz Phair
Book: Dune- Frank Herbert

Two days off is almost too much seeing as I never really got to go out with anyone. And if I sound bitter, I think it is because I am. But it really isn't anyone's fault. My days off just happened to fall on two night where anyone was busy. So I just sat at home and watched some of season 4 of Sex and the City. I won't say how much of it I watched because that would just make me sound really sad and pathetic. I also sent out a lot of e-mails to my friends. Hopefully some of them will reply.... I think I just managed to make myself seem more sad and pathetic. Oh well, at this point I really don't care anymore and I am really, really happy that I get to go back to my mindless, mind numbing job tomorrow. I guess that is what days off are for. I guess their purpose is to refresh you and make you feel like you want to work again...

So I think I am about done rambling... maybe I'll go start one of my new books that I got at the library today. Maybe that will make Sunday arrive quicker as I am not very tired because I haven't really done much today.

Sometimes I don't even know why I post on here. I mean, what is the point? Half the time I can't even share what is on my mind completely. Half the time, I feel like I hide things on here just as much as I hide things from people in real life, if not more. Perhaps it is because I don't want my life to be an open book. But at the same time, I wonder why I only post my superficial thoughts? Why don't I post anything that is really, really important to me? Maybe it is because those things are too important to share? But that doesn't seem quite right...

Anyhow I don't know where I am going with this and also don't feel the need to explain my self, even if I did have some idea of what I am talking about. Sometimes I miss high school and how I would share my deepest darkest thoughts with anyone who would listen. At the same time, I am also happy that I am not back in the high school with its raging hormones and misunderstandings. I can only think of a couple of people with whom I can share everything with. I think what triggered these thoughts was the fact that some people haven't been returning my e-mails. Its rather annoying actually. Back in high school I probably would have taken it personally. Now not so much, although it did cross my mind that they might be mad at me.

I'm not even sure what I have been writing at this point, but I guess I hate to admit the next thing I am going to admit. I'm lonely, plain and simple. I hate admiting this to myself because I want to be okay by myself, independent. I am okay by myself, happy even. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'd like something more. Is that so wrong? Does it make me a bad person to not want to be alone? I'm not sure... I'm really not sure about many things. At the same time I feel suspended in time. The summer is passing so quickly, I can't believe we are almost half way through June. It's insane.

And now for something completely different: I was looking at the Vote Anders Out site and it has given me more reasons NOT to vote conservative. What an idiot! Thanks for the link, Daley. I'm now searching for which canidate I will bestow my vote. It will be for any one of the other canidates running. I didn't know we had a Marxist-Leninist Party in Canada. Our very own communist party. I'm sure I'm that left-wing though. I also discovered The Canadian Action Party. They have a fairly interesting message, the site is worth checking out anyhow, if only for the sake of learning about one of the political parties of Canada.

I'm not sure if I want to vote for the Liberal canidate in my riding, Justin Thompson. I might have been the clichés in his website that turned me off. Who knows? I am still undecided. Apparently Justin takes the road less travelled... WTF? He is a Aberhart Alumnus though...

Anyhow, I think I have done enough babbling for one evening and hope that tomorrow night will be more eventful. Oh yeah I saw The Stepford Wives with my mom tonight. I thought it was pretty funny, but the audience didn't seem to get many of the jokes. Oh well it was amusing anyhow...

Until next time...

State: Lonely/happy (yes, I think you can be both)
Book: None
Song: Deliver Me- Sarah Brightman

I didn't realize that I haven't posted since last Sunday. Wow. My week had been fairly uneventful since then except for Monday when I went to RIcki's house and played Sequence with Ricki, Dave, Micki, Jane and Eric. Then we all said good bye to Jane and Eric. I was sad to see them go; we had some good times together.

Also on Monday I got to watch the end of the hockey game. It was sad to see the Flames lose, but at the same time I am so happy for how well they did. I mean it is pretty amazing for the 6th place team to become the western conference champions.

Work was pretty busy this week. We had a grade 9 grad pretty much every day this week. I'm very tired. for the first time in my life I suspect iron deficiency. We'll see though...

And the biggest news of all: I have my own vehicle for the next little while. The summer anyhow... so I think I am going to spruce it up tomorrow... It needs washing inside and out. It is definately a fixer-upper! But it does run... and once I get the brakes adjusted it will be ready to be my transportation to and from work!

State: tired,but good
Book: While I Was Gone by- Sue Miller

I was really hoping I'd get to see the Flames win the Cup tonight but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I had fun tonight. I went to Kilkenny's to watch the game and that was pretty good. The atmosphere was great, everyone cheering the Flames on loudly.

What was also interesting is that I met my long lost friend Janel's brother David at the bar. He came over and talked to us in between periods. He was very very drunk!!! And him and Jane got into this argument about tapwater, but her arguments made a lot more sense because she was sober. He was funny and said to me at one point after he's been hitting on me for awhile, "Don't be offended, I'd hit on you more if you weren't my sister's friend." I think I would have been more creeped out by him had I not known him since I was like 7 years old. It was entertaining anyhow...

After the flames lost :( , we went to play pool. It was fun, but I found the pool hall had the same sort of atmosphere as the bowling alley I used to go to in Cochrane. And that was kind of creepy or something. It kind of seems wrong to play pool anywhere other than Caitlin's Rec center.

State: Content
Song: Escape- Rupert Holmes
Book: Same as last post...

Okay... so I added Trackbacks for Daley's amusement... and yeah I don't have much else to say at this point! I went to see Harry Potter last night. It was very good, but I think I enjoyed the last two better... I found this one skimmed the surface too much. I was prepared for the fact that I might not like this movie as the third book was my favourite and as I expected I was disappointed.

Anyhow... I should go now.

State: Still tired...
Song: Will we rock you- Queen ( or whatever that song is called!)
Book: Same as last post...

So work today was like Murphy's Law. The SHIT HIT THE FAN in a big way. I'm playing with the layout of my blog and well it's still a work in progess. You'll notice I've added some pictures to the sidebar and I have been trying to get it to look better in IE but it just ain't happening for the time being. In the meantime, I did manage to get it to not cover up the blogger ad. As good as that looked when I use Safari, I didn't like seeing it all covered up when I was elsewhere using IE.

Anyhow... so work sucked today and I am going to try and forget about it because there is nothing I can do right now and what I really need right now is sleep.

Goodnight everyone!!!

State: Dead Tired... somewhat concerned about being fired
Song: Where is My Mind?- The Pixies
Book: Same as previous post.

So the hockey game was just a little disappointing. It probably would have been more disappointing if I had actually heard most of the game. 4-1 for Tampa this time. They are even now and this series far from over. I have faith the flames can still hurt the Lighting... but really I didn't start writing this post at 3:00 am to talk hockey.

Why I started writing this post is right now, beyond me. I had all of these thoughts running through my head and now I can't think of any of them.

Thought #1: I think I was more responsible as a teenager than I am now.
Thought #2: I think that the summer makes me stupid.
Thought #3: Maybe the summer doesn't make me stupid, but I am too busy studying during the school year to realize my stupidity and therefore have no time to act stupid, making the summer my outlet for my craziness/stupidity.
Thought #4: I could just be very very tried.
Thought #5: I work too much.
Thought #6: I like work.
Thought #7: I wish money didn't exist.
Thought #8: *smiles to self* This is the first time in a long time :)
Thought #9: ~sigh~
Thought #10: I should go to bed because I can no longer type the word "thought"

Buenas Noches mi amigos!

State: Sleepdrunken
Song: I can't get enough of you baby- Smashmouth
Book: Fall On Your Knees- Ann-Marie MacDonald

You see, if you wait long enough to post- the flames winning 4-1 isn't old news! Except this time they won 4-1 against Tampa Bay in the Stanley Cup Finals!!!! GO FLAMES GO!

It had been brought to my attention that May 11 was a long time ago. Well, indeed it was. Although, to me it seems like it was yesterday.

What have I been up to lately? Well I work all the time and then I get these days off. What do I do on these so-called days off? I spend time with my friends. I saw Shrek 2 on friday. It was most excellent!!!

I think I am losing brain cells rapidily.... perhaps even forgetting the basics such as reading and writing and typing.

AHHHHH.....!!!! Help me!!! I think I have lost my mind!

State: Slowly going crazy
Song: what song?
Book: Uther- by Jack Whyte

So I am sitting here....thinking, " Wow I sure did have a lot of things to say earlier!" Unfourtunately, all of these thoughts have slipped out of my head.

I went to Jane's house for some Hot tubbing and ended up spending the night. It's surprising how well two people can sleep in a single bed.

My job is going well although I am not sure how I am going to handle this being the assistant lead hand thing. My name is now on the big sheet as being the lead hand on Sunday and Monday... scary. I guess I should try to not come into work hungover on those days. (lol j/k)

Anyhow... not much to say. Hope all is well with everyone... For now, I am going to hit the hay because I have to drive my mom to work tomorrow.

State: Falling asleep sitting up
Song: Inaudible Melodies- Jack Johnson
Book: To Be Someone -Louise Voss

P.S.- This snow thing is kind of getting a little old...
P.P.S- YAY! THE FLAMES WON 4-1

Okay, okay... I'll post. I think I have a little bit more to say now that a few weeks have passed. I mean, last week mainly consisted of me getting up at 5:45 am every morning except thursday so I could get to work for 7 and working until 3:30. I'd get home and basically only have enough energy to read because I wouldn't have gone to bed early enough for the time I have to get up in the morning. Needless to say this put a damper on my social life.

Since I have last posted, I have read three books: The Double Helix, by James Watson, Happiness TM, by Will Ferguson, and The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing by Melissa Bank. All of them were really good.

So yesterday was my first day off in six days. I really enjoyed it. I didn't really mind that I didn't get two days off because I'm not sure... I get more money and I can always use the money.

Okay, okay- back to yesterday. So I went out with Wei, Byron, Craig, Jessie, Marcus, Keith and Greg for ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI! It was really good- but I was so stuffed afterwards. After spending 3 hours stuffing our bodies with SUSHI we made our way to Wei's house where we watched select scenes from Chicago and I had my first taste of Sake. The Sake was quite enjoyable. So we finished the one bottle of Sake, and cracked open the bottle Craig had brought over- but it was turning into rice vinegar so we decided it wouldn't be safe to drink and proceeded to go out and purchase more Sake.

When we got back, I think Byron was already tipsy and was raving about how we should go Kareokeing... so after we watched most of Chicago and everyone (except the drivers) had more Sake, Craig took Byron down to Schooners while the rest of us- except our trusty DD, drank some Bailey's and chatted. By then it was 11:30 so we decided we should head over to the Kareokee place...

There was hardly anyone at the Kareokee place (Schooners) and it was mostly us getting up to sing, which let me tell you is probably not a good thing. We also played pool. I've discovered that I must have improved since the beginning of last summer because I was a lot better at playing than I thought I was.

After sitting and chatting for awhile, we decided it was almost time to go. Craig wanted to smoke a cigar, and I said I would smoke one with him. We went to 7-11 and bought a really cheap, disgusting cigar. We had some challenge with the wind lighting it. And I realized why I only ever smoke anything like once a year- it was so disgusting. I got a nice buzz, but it wasn't worth it for the after taste.

So we waited in front of Wei's house while he drove Jessie home... And then I was going to stay over, but I decided that I should probably go home at 3:30 am.. so Wei drove me home.

So that was my wild and exciting evening. And I wasn't even that tired today- nor did I get sick. Maybe it was because I actually got drunk this time- who knows?

Anyhow- today at work they would announce on the radios: This is a call to all radios- the Flames have scored a goal, the scored is now 1-0. It cracked me up... and I didn't miss any of the goals considering I didn't get to watch the game. And I am very happy that they won... it was quite exciting :)

I hope that has pleased those of you (Daley) that have been asking for an update. As for myself, I am going to sign off until next time I have a WILD and CRAZY adventures... which hopefully happens sooner rather than later.

State: getting tired...
Song:Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen

So all of my exams are done and that feels great. If only the profs would hurry up with the grades, I would be a happy.

Yesterday, I got up around 10:30 am- did nothing until about noon. Then my mom and I went to Sam's in Kensington for lunch. Great food... it usually is there though. Then we browsed the books in the books stores, went to a used bookstore, where I bought Harry Potter 1 and 2 to complete my collection.

Then we went to the registry where I paid lots of money to get my license renewed and sent off to wherever they make the new licenses. Eventually, we made it to the Health food store, where my mom bought some seeds and some other things. Just before supper we headed off to the library where I picked up two books: "Eleven Minutes"- by Paulo Coelho and the highly recommended (by some) "The Double Helix"- by James D. Watson. I finished reading "Eleven Minutes" last night. It was very good... I want to read it again already. True to Paulo Coehlo's style there were many quotable passages with deep philosophical messages which I am not sure I absorbed the first time. The book really touched me. I related to the main character of the story quite a bit, and the story restored my hope in love and its existence and necessity.

I think next on my reading list will be "The Double Helix". I'm kind of excited as I have heard great things about the book. Well great as in James Watson is really high on himself and that makes the book really funny.

Anyhow... I want to go for a run. I feel gross right now, and I am hoping that will help. Until next time...

State: Totally relaxed
Song:-
Book: Eleven Minutes-by Paulo Coelho (so I am already done reading it... big deal)