I'm thinking about doing the 101 things in 1001 days. Why? Because I have a lot of things that I want to do and I feel like because I don't have them written down, I am falling short of reaching my goals... it is just a idea.
I have a start date in mind already. Graduation day. I think it is June 12 or 11/07. I'll have to check to make sure. It will literally be the first day of the next 1001 days of my life. That gives me some time to come up with some goals that I think I want to do.
Anyhow... I should go to bed. That should probably be a goal of mine. Bed. Sleep. 8 hours of it. Whenever possible.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
"I say my day is spent and my spirit's dead"
I don't know where to start. The title of this post is from a song called Legs Away by a band called Mother Mother. I quite enjoy them and you should go check them out because they are awesome.
The title sums up how I have been feeling since the semester began. I'm beyond procrastinating. I've full out given up. I sit and home and do nothing. I'm not even going out and having fun, or thinking of studying. I haven't even felt like posting on here because- honestly what would I post about. How am I feeling? Shitty, but I don't really like to let people in on that. I'm sick of hiding it. Pretending I'm okay. Because I'm not okay. I'm so far from okay that I don't even know who am I anymore. I look in the mirror and think, "This isn't you. You don't slack off like this. You work hard despite not liking the class, because you don't like to do badly." Well I am doing bad now...
If I could tell you what I think is wrong- well I'd probably say everything. But that is a lie, an exaggeration. I think I am having trouble because I have no solid goal. I feel like I'm losing it. Maybe I am. For example- it is midnight the night before my Anatomy midterm and I haven't studied and I have an assignment due tomorrow and I haven't started. And I'm not freaking out. It is like it doesn't even phase me. And it isn't like I don't have goals, I do. I need to do well in my classes because I really do want to get into occupational therapy. Am I self sabotaging my life?
It looks like I am probably going to withdraw from Anatomy. Five years in my degree and I have never had to withdraw from anything, but there is no way I can salvage that class. I feel bad for letting it get this far. I probably should have gone to talk to someone when I first started feeling like this. I thought it was just a mood swing, that I would swing back to normal like I normally do. But I never did...
Have no fear. I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor tomorrow after I fail my Anatomy exam. Because I can't go on "living" like this. I don't really feel like I am living right now. I'm going through the motions. It is time to start living again.
The title sums up how I have been feeling since the semester began. I'm beyond procrastinating. I've full out given up. I sit and home and do nothing. I'm not even going out and having fun, or thinking of studying. I haven't even felt like posting on here because- honestly what would I post about. How am I feeling? Shitty, but I don't really like to let people in on that. I'm sick of hiding it. Pretending I'm okay. Because I'm not okay. I'm so far from okay that I don't even know who am I anymore. I look in the mirror and think, "This isn't you. You don't slack off like this. You work hard despite not liking the class, because you don't like to do badly." Well I am doing bad now...
If I could tell you what I think is wrong- well I'd probably say everything. But that is a lie, an exaggeration. I think I am having trouble because I have no solid goal. I feel like I'm losing it. Maybe I am. For example- it is midnight the night before my Anatomy midterm and I haven't studied and I have an assignment due tomorrow and I haven't started. And I'm not freaking out. It is like it doesn't even phase me. And it isn't like I don't have goals, I do. I need to do well in my classes because I really do want to get into occupational therapy. Am I self sabotaging my life?
It looks like I am probably going to withdraw from Anatomy. Five years in my degree and I have never had to withdraw from anything, but there is no way I can salvage that class. I feel bad for letting it get this far. I probably should have gone to talk to someone when I first started feeling like this. I thought it was just a mood swing, that I would swing back to normal like I normally do. But I never did...
Have no fear. I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor tomorrow after I fail my Anatomy exam. Because I can't go on "living" like this. I don't really feel like I am living right now. I'm going through the motions. It is time to start living again.
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