Ever since I started posting regularly, I can't seem to stop. Oh well, I'm sure that eventually I will and then I'll start up again like I always do. This post will not be nearly as long or as philosophical as the last one- sorry my brain already hurts from studying the endomembrane system/lab stuff for my non-lab course all day.

Saturday was good. I didn't get much done though. I went to the gym, puttered around the house for awhile and did some laundry. Wow. It sounds really boring when you put it that way. Then I went to my friend Princess' house and we watched the movie Igby Goes Down. It was pretty good- or at least I enjoyed the sick and twistedness of the movie.

Today, I woke up and I thought it was 10:45 so I got up- but it was really only 9:45 as my computer informed me. So I called my mom to make sure... and sure enough today is the day we switch back to standard time. So then I putted around for an extra hour and Princess called and invited me over to study. I made my way over to her house and proceeded to get gobs of studying done.

Anyhow... I am now dead tired and so I will sleep :)

State: good, indeed.
Song: Gone- Switchfoot

So, I am sitting here, eating ice cream for breakfast, thinking about some of the things that Aja, Sarah and I, talked about last night at Pharoes. I mean normally- we are not the philosophizing type- the depth of our conversations usually don't get any deeper than: "He's hot- you should jump him!" or talking about some geeky science thing.

Well last night, we were just sitting there, finishing up our lasagnas and it was either Aja or Sarah that asked, "What is the point of life?"

I know- that is probably the most clichéd thing that either of them could have brought up- but I think it is one thing that often crosses our mind. I mean, why are we here? This convesation could have gone on for awhile- but it didn't. I think it is because we all like the idea that even though you can find out a lot about something works, why something is there etc. there will always be something that remains unknown. Something, that no matter how many theories they put out on it, there are things that science will never find any evidence to support. Probably because we aren't supposed to find out. I agree with Aja and Sarah- I kind of hope we never find everything out. Call it anti-science- but yeah. I hope we never discover how to genetically engineer humans. I guess it just creeps me out. I'm all for discovering what causes a lot of genetic disorders- but I guess it is all about where do you draw the line? I don't think human beings should be cloned either. Again- creepy. Don't ask me for anymore reasons than that.... I can't really descibe why- but to me it just seems intuitively wrong.

So then, this morning- I was reading this entry and he got me thinking some more. The first part of this entry that inspired me what this:

What does it mean when I say that I want to be the real me? Seeing how I am someone who always changes, is it possible to pin down an element of me that is always "real", always "me". We all change, don't we? Are we not dynamic creatures?

So how do we know what the "real us" is? What defines who we really are? I mean my thoughts and views have changed over the years, but has that changed who I am? To me, I always feel like the same person- changed but at the same time the same. For example, I used to be totally against drinking in high school. This was probably because everyone that was drinking around me (underage at that) was drinking for the wrong reasons, and abusing alcohol at that. Now I have a much more liberal view on alcohol: use it, but don't abuse it. That probably came from more positive experiences. But because this view has changed, has this changed who I am? It may have changed some other people's perception of me, but to me it doesn't define who I am. That leads me to the question- do experiences define who we are? Because in our society we are often judged based on experiences we have or haven't had. People judge us and assume stuff about us just becuase we belong to a certain group, or in the past have acted in a certain way. But do any of these "experiences" matter when it comes to defining the "real" you?

Which leads me to the next thing that found to be really true:

You cannot bare yourself and be open in front of those internet crowds, probably because you worry too much about what they think.

I worry too much about what people will think about me when I write stuff on here and therefore I often censor my thoughts, opinions and even my experiences because I guess I don't want to ruin a certain "image" I have. I am afraid that people will judge me because I did something they never thought I would do or acted "out of character" to what they think I am like. I really shouldn't be afraid of this judgement and I should be able to share all of my experiences... but I can't. Maybe only a select few people are meant to know the "real you", or maybe no one seeing as I cannot even define exactly who I am at this moment. Maybe it is one of the mysteries of life.... that we will never truly know. I know that I reveal and conceal information from people based on what I want them to know of me. I've shown different facets of myself to various different people based on what I have felt confortable sharing... but at this moment, I'm pretty sure I haven't shown anyone everything. And you know what: I am okay with that.

State: Oddly philosophical
Song: (from last night times 2) Sex Bomb- Tom Jones

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I passed 304! oh yeah! And not just with 50%... no with 69%!!!

Anyhow... I'm sure i'll be really excited about that until I realize that class average is 69%... then I won't be happy. But for now- I am happy I passed!

I'm going to theater sports tonight and Pharoes it is going to rock!!!

State: Slightly Elated!

When my alarm clock startled me awake this morning I was positive I had really made a mistake and it was really Saturday. I almost turned it off and rolled back over to continue my really weird dream ( which was fun too).

So here I am all ready to go... for a class I don't really even like anymore. I hate how a prof can either make or break a course. I mean, if I didn't love genetics as much as I do, I probably would have dropped 304.

Well I better get going... I want to leave early enough so I have time to chat people up before my class.

State: annoyed it isn't saturday
Song: I'm only sleeping- the Beatles

hmmm... I got asked to go to banff and stay at a hostel with this guy in my Cell Biology class. The first thing that popped into my head was no way- this guy annoys me. At the same time, for some reason I am physically attracted to him. It's strange. Anyhow... I said no. Lindsay thought I should just use him for his body lol... tempting but no. I may be sexually frustrated, but not enough to jump an annoying boy from my class. I say boy because he is probably at least 2 years younger than me.

I'm sure it is pure coincidence, but my horoscope for the week points at these travel possibilities:

Aries - (March 21-April 19)
A month of mystery begins. Subconscious urges burst to the surface; you'll feel greed and lust, you'll learn secrets and uncover valuable data; you'll diagnose situations and people's motives. You'll see, and later you'll understand. Examine your own motives, make sure they're unsullied by even a small smudge of selfishness. That said, some great stuff can come: your inspiration and luck soar high in government and employment zones Sunday/Monday, you impress someone deeply Monday/Tuesday, and a great friend, potential mate or travel opportunity might arrive Friday night or Saturday!

Actually... a lot of that is true subconscious urges= sexual frustration... anyhow, I'll leave it at that.

But Daley- you will be happy to know I have a plan of action (with numerous- backup plans and backup for the backup plans). Something will go down before the 5th (if even only the day before the 5th- yay genetics mixer!).

Anyhow... that's all I will say about that.

I really don't know why I am still up- but I have been more productive tonight. I am proud of myself. I guess you could say I needed some time off from the studying. I took a "brain break" and I feel refreshed and ready to study. I plan to have all my study notes for my two exams that are a long ways away (as done as I can make them) by the end of the weekend.

Anyhow... I should sleep. Really.

State: Good
Song: My Number- Tegan and Sara

So I wanted to write last night, but blogger wouldn't let me sign in when I had all the stuff I wanted to say in my head. Unfortunately, it is all gone now.

I really don't remember what I wanted to write although I think sometime last night for about the millionth time ever- I discovered the meaning of life. But now it is gone and therefore I will undoubtedly have to discover it again.

Ah, I safewalked tonight. The guy I walked with was funny. He didn't like quantum mechanics in chem either. He found it hard to believe there are "waves of eletrons" surrounding the nucleus of an atom. He likened studying quantum mechanics to studying faeries- you can't see them but you know they exist. Or something like that. It was a lot funnier when he said it.

Anyhow... I spent time today working on my topic for my grant proposal. No, not a real grant proposal. A fake one that I have to do all the work I would do if I were actually going to work on what I propose I am. But I am not... so it is kind of anticlimatic. So far, I think I am doing something on mitochondria and apotosis- programmed cell death. But it is still early. I have a good month to write the paper I am surprised I have already started.

I have really cut back this year on the procrastination. It's amazing how much less stressed out one is when they do not procrastinate like I did last year. AMAZING!

Anyhow... I have nothing really important to say... so I will leave this at -well- this.

State: Pretty good
Book: Science review

So think I fixed the problems my blog was having in Firefox and virtually every other browser except for Safari. Those of you who use Firefox- if you could tell me if it is fixed or not that would be great :)

I was/am really excited today for no apparent reason.

I had a midterm today and I think it might have gone well. Which is good... yay mitochondria. And I even made an appointment to meet with the Prof I want to supervise me next year. So that is good :)

So yeah... I am going to do lots of work tomorrow. Really I am... I was just too excited to sit still today so there was no point in making myself sit still and do work in the library when I felt like this.

Oh and Bonnie from work called and apparently things bad things are happening at work... she asked if I would be a reference for my boss which is kind of weird but I said okay. Apparently she is being accused of a whole bunch of things she didn't do. ANYHOW... that really sucks for her. But she is not getting fired or anything. I think that the person that accused her of everything might get fired though. Crazy stuff going on...

Anyhow... I don't have much to say. No midterms for like 14 days :)

State: Happy :)
Song: Piggies and You've Got to Hide Your Love Away - The Beatles

Question of the moment: What posseses all profs in genetics to name fictive organisms after the class in which the test is being given? For example: Geneticus threeohonius or Geneticus threeoninius?

Hmmm... Can't they think of anything a little more creative? My 207 prof was creative. yay LOTR exam!

anyhow... back to work.

I'm taking a little study break. I don't feel so hot. So therefore all you get for the update is this quiz result:

You rule. in 15 years, you won't be as known as you
are now, but most of the people that will know
you then will like you (or else I'll beat them
with a stick). You're nice to listen to.


What band from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Until next time...

State: I hope I don't have food poisoning...
Song: Where is my mind?- The Pixies

So much for going to bed early tonight... I was really hoping my roommate and her friends would have headed out earlier, but alas I was not in luck. Mind you, they were entertaining. I managed to avoid beer-bonging... which was good. I didn't really feel like it- not the most enjoyable way to drink a beer.

Anyhow... I should go to bed, because you know- I have to learn a shit load about mitochondria tomorrow.

State: tired....
Song: Bad Day-Something Corporate (except it wasn't really a bad day... except I feel a little sad now that I couldn't go tonight)

DR. ADAMES MUST DIE!!!!!

He has fulfilled all rumors about himself from what he has pulled with the exam he wrote us. I am more than mad, I am FUMING, no ENRAGED!

There was basically ONE QUESTION- worth 24 marks for his portion of the exam.(ie- 50% of the exam, 15% of my final grade) I say that because... if you didn't get the first part right .... there was pretty much no way to get marks on the rest. Fucking asshole. Everyone I talked to after said they found it horrible too. At least the other half of the exam was fair.

So yeah... I kinda liked the little quizzes Steph posted on her website so I decided to do them and post them....

How to make a Lisa

Ingredients: 5 parts competetiveness 3 parts brilliance 5 parts instinct

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of curiosity

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!

You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

And that is all for now... maybe I'll make myself a grocery list and finally go shopping!

State: Peripherally Mad- Just don't say the words MIDTERM, GENETICS 304, anything GENETICS RELATED TO ME... and you'll be fine.
Song: Bad Day- Something Corporate

I'm in a rut as far as marks go... not a bad rut, just a not good rut. You know? Maybe not... Hmmm. Ah whatever...

I was thinking about going to my friend Sarah's Halloween party as Hermione- but then I decided that one really wouldn't require too much of a costume. And yeah....

I had more to talk about , but I can't think of it anymore. Damn...

Oh- I managed to talk in class today. I think I managed to get an 8.75/10 in participation. Considering I am pertrified of speaking in front of that many people I think I did well. I even got the question right. And I was all shaking and I could bearly write after. Mild phobia really... Groups of 40 or less I have no problem speaking in but as soon as you double that number I am a wreck.

Oh well...

I should get to bed...

Goodnight :)

So guess you can say I had a fun weekend. My roommates and I went out to Cook County last night and I have to say- I have never been out to a more cowboy places. Very country. I didn't really like the music... and yeah. Thankfully, we left at 12:30 to come home, because the music was starting to get to me. More fun was had at home anyhow... ;) I when to bed around 2:33 (lol)... I didn't fall asleep right away. It was weird because I'd look at my clock like every 3 minutes and it would feel like an hour had passed... anyhow... I think I fell asleep around 3:00 am.

In other equally boring news, I spent the rest of my time this weekend studying. So I guess I am going to head off to the library to study some more. I am really scared for my next midterm. I think it is going to be really hard.

Until I have more exciting news (which will probably be never)...

State: Tired, and yet not

So in the spirit of stupid quizes... I did the one on colours on Daley's site, and didn't agree with the colour so I went to quizzila and pick a new stupid quiz, which may in fact win for stupiest quiz ever. But it is probably true so I'll post it anyhow.


I'm boring


why is YOUR livejournal annoying?
brought to you by Quizilla

State: meh- I hate participating in class and thus will probably get a big fat zero in participation and therefore I'm sad

Hmm... so here is the question of the night: Why is Lisa NOT stressed out about school? The only thing I can think that it might be is that I have NO LABS and therefore NO ASSIGNMENTS. This means I actually have TIME to do my homework. It is an amazing thing really. I have TIME to keep up with my readings. And because I am not spending all my time in the lab I have time to study for my midterms. Crazy this time thing. Most of the time I feel like I still don't have enough though. I still put off stuff in my classes. For all I know, I am doing really crappy right now in school...

Anyhow... enough about that. I had a fun day today. I wrote a Biol 201 midterm (cell biology) - I hesitate to say it was easy- because I am not sure on how I did... but I think it went okay. And then after- I went to the mall with Aja and Sarah (red haired one for those of you who know who I am talking about). I bought some kick ass jeans... then we went to Jill's dinner party. That was AWESOME!!! I am so full though... great food and tons of it. But we seemed to have a thing for dips... lol.

Anyhow... I can't believe what a change it is from last year. I actually like my courses this year. Like last year- I couldn't believe how much better 2nd classes were from 3rd year classes. And those weren't even that good. I mean I hated biochem with a passion. And this year the only course I'm not super keen on is cell bio... but that is because I have taken most of the stuff before in my other classes. Learning about cell membranes and how phosphlipids are synthesized is good like maybe once.... but 3 times over... it gets a little dry.

So I guess I'll go read my journal article I have to read for tomorrow...

Goodnight!!!

State: happy
Song: Wild Horses

So I was studying in the Harry Potter library (ie Rutherford North) today... and Sarah my genetics buddy came and we had a gay old study time.

We realized something VERY important about the course we were studying. Its called Genetics 390: Principles of Gene Manipulation. So we are sitting there, talking about different stuff you can do to DNA and we both came to the same WONDERFUL CONCLUSION! Every technique in the WHOLE freaking course involves taking was we know about DNA stability and messing it up so that we can in turn do what we want with the DNA. Anyhow... this makes my life a whole LOT easier. At first I didn't see how it was all connected, but BAM tonight I saw the light and it all makes sense. I feel like I can do any problem he throws my way! Sigh... it might just be enough.

Sigh... so in other news, i bought myself a genetics t-shirt today. That's right... you know you are a genetics geek when you wear a double helix on your shirt. Anyhow... they are actually pretty nice this year.... mine is going to be white with red sleeves :)

Woah... and I think I like someone. And I think I need to rest my mind muscle, because I feel like if I don't soon, I am not going to sleep...

State: Woah major neural activity done today....

P.S.- Chad and I decided people go into genetics because they are scared of math... I think it is true. I mean who else, but a geneticist would decide that we don't need anymore chemistry (inorganic)(ie-math-y chemm) after first year-- when all the biochem, microbiology, cell biology ect. people need to take it.... hmmm its not like what they are doing is so different from what we are doing.

Okay... so I thought I would do a quick post before I headed off to bed. But it has totally slipped my mind on what I wanted to post about... darn.

Anyhow... I really like the Amelie soundtrack. Especially to study to...

Goodnight and maybe I'll find something more useful to post about later.

So... I guess I didn't do as badly on that quiz as I thought I would. 80% isn't too shabby. I would have been happy with that is high school... and it was a good 10% above class average so yay!

Anyhow... so I decided that warranted a night of rest and so I have given myself one. But so far, all I have done is clean and eat too much food. damn. I'm kind of lonely too. That is my own fault though, so I don't really feel sorry for me.

I really don't know what to write.... I could tell stories from my life... but most of the people who read this probably know of the really good ones.

lol I love mitochondria.... I'm such a geek. The farther I get in this thing they call university, the more I realize that... and the more accepted that geekyness is. Anyhow... perhaps I'll just go check on my laundry and leave this post at this. And I think I'll leave you with the lyrics of a song, that is kind of my song right now:

Fear

Morning smiles
like the face
of a newborn child,
innocent, unknowing.

Winter's end
promises
of a long lost friend.
Speaks to me of comfort

but I fear
I have nothing to give.
I have so much
to lose here in this lonely place.
Tangled up in your embrace
there's there's nothing I'd like better than
to fall.

but I fear
I have nothing to give.

Wind in time
rapes the flower
trembling on the vine
and nothing yields to shelter
from above.
They say temptation will destroy our love.
The never ending hunger

but I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much
to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in our embrace
there's nothing I'd like better than
to fall

but I fear
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to lose.
I have nothing to give.
We have so much to lose...
- Sarah McLachlan