So, I am sitting here, eating ice cream for breakfast, thinking about some of the things that Aja, Sarah and I, talked about last night at Pharoes. I mean normally- we are not the philosophizing type- the depth of our conversations usually don't get any deeper than: "He's hot- you should jump him!" or talking about some geeky science thing.

Well last night, we were just sitting there, finishing up our lasagnas and it was either Aja or Sarah that asked, "What is the point of life?"

I know- that is probably the most clichéd thing that either of them could have brought up- but I think it is one thing that often crosses our mind. I mean, why are we here? This convesation could have gone on for awhile- but it didn't. I think it is because we all like the idea that even though you can find out a lot about something works, why something is there etc. there will always be something that remains unknown. Something, that no matter how many theories they put out on it, there are things that science will never find any evidence to support. Probably because we aren't supposed to find out. I agree with Aja and Sarah- I kind of hope we never find everything out. Call it anti-science- but yeah. I hope we never discover how to genetically engineer humans. I guess it just creeps me out. I'm all for discovering what causes a lot of genetic disorders- but I guess it is all about where do you draw the line? I don't think human beings should be cloned either. Again- creepy. Don't ask me for anymore reasons than that.... I can't really descibe why- but to me it just seems intuitively wrong.

So then, this morning- I was reading this entry and he got me thinking some more. The first part of this entry that inspired me what this:

What does it mean when I say that I want to be the real me? Seeing how I am someone who always changes, is it possible to pin down an element of me that is always "real", always "me". We all change, don't we? Are we not dynamic creatures?

So how do we know what the "real us" is? What defines who we really are? I mean my thoughts and views have changed over the years, but has that changed who I am? To me, I always feel like the same person- changed but at the same time the same. For example, I used to be totally against drinking in high school. This was probably because everyone that was drinking around me (underage at that) was drinking for the wrong reasons, and abusing alcohol at that. Now I have a much more liberal view on alcohol: use it, but don't abuse it. That probably came from more positive experiences. But because this view has changed, has this changed who I am? It may have changed some other people's perception of me, but to me it doesn't define who I am. That leads me to the question- do experiences define who we are? Because in our society we are often judged based on experiences we have or haven't had. People judge us and assume stuff about us just becuase we belong to a certain group, or in the past have acted in a certain way. But do any of these "experiences" matter when it comes to defining the "real" you?

Which leads me to the next thing that found to be really true:

You cannot bare yourself and be open in front of those internet crowds, probably because you worry too much about what they think.

I worry too much about what people will think about me when I write stuff on here and therefore I often censor my thoughts, opinions and even my experiences because I guess I don't want to ruin a certain "image" I have. I am afraid that people will judge me because I did something they never thought I would do or acted "out of character" to what they think I am like. I really shouldn't be afraid of this judgement and I should be able to share all of my experiences... but I can't. Maybe only a select few people are meant to know the "real you", or maybe no one seeing as I cannot even define exactly who I am at this moment. Maybe it is one of the mysteries of life.... that we will never truly know. I know that I reveal and conceal information from people based on what I want them to know of me. I've shown different facets of myself to various different people based on what I have felt confortable sharing... but at this moment, I'm pretty sure I haven't shown anyone everything. And you know what: I am okay with that.

State: Oddly philosophical
Song: (from last night times 2) Sex Bomb- Tom Jones