Reflecting on the Past

I was just packing what is left in my old room up today because my mom is moving and I got the urge to read my old journals. I found a letter I wrote to myself when I was 15 to be opened on my 18th birthday. I think I might share it with everyone- because even at the ripe "old" age of 22 I haven't acheived my dream. I don't know what made me think 18 would be a magic number, but it seems to be when you are younger. The comments in italics are me now, the rest I wrote when I was 15. Anyhow... without further ado...

How Life Will be When I'm 18

I have a dream and a reality image about what my life will be life when I am eighteen. I will start with my dream and end with my reality.

Dream
1) I will know what to do for the rest of my life
2) I will have a steady, without intercourse, relationship with a member of the opposite sex
3) I will be going to my dream school- an American Ivy league one- on full scholarship
4) I will be less screwed up than I was when I wrote this
5) I will have starred in at least one school play
6) I will have a sense of accomplishment and fulfilment
7) I will be happy with myself for who I am

Reality
1) I probably will still have no idea of what going to do with my life (still true to this day)
2) I don't really want a boyfriend, they tie you down (okay- being tied down isn't so bad)
3) I probably won't have taken the SAT's which are necessary for American schools and will not have enough money or scholarship money to go (nor do I want to go anymore)
4) I'll probably be just as screwed up as I am now (I think I have managed to become less screwed up thank goodness)
5) I don't think I will ever have a lead role because I prefer playing second string (that and I don't want to act anymore AT ALL!)
6) I can still hope for a sense of accomplishment and fulfilment (this I can say is coming)
7) I will hope to God that after changing schools to get away from those who bring me down, I will be happy with myself for who I am. (Changing schools didn't do this for me, I had to change my attitude and develop better self-esteem. I learned you can't run away from your problems- they have a tendency to follow you)

I don't think being eightteen will change much, except for the fact that I will now be allowed to legally drink alcohol (and vote and buy cigarettes) and that I will have finished my quest through public education.

The Dream is my eternal optimism coming through, and the reality is what I have observed from the world around me... so that is my view on how life will be three year from now.

Anyhow... I have to go, I just thought it was kind of interesting.