"I say my day is spent and my spirit's dead"

I don't know where to start. The title of this post is from a song called Legs Away by a band called Mother Mother. I quite enjoy them and you should go check them out because they are awesome.

The title sums up how I have been feeling since the semester began. I'm beyond procrastinating. I've full out given up. I sit and home and do nothing. I'm not even going out and having fun, or thinking of studying. I haven't even felt like posting on here because- honestly what would I post about. How am I feeling? Shitty, but I don't really like to let people in on that. I'm sick of hiding it. Pretending I'm okay. Because I'm not okay. I'm so far from okay that I don't even know who am I anymore. I look in the mirror and think, "This isn't you. You don't slack off like this. You work hard despite not liking the class, because you don't like to do badly." Well I am doing bad now...

If I could tell you what I think is wrong- well I'd probably say everything. But that is a lie, an exaggeration. I think I am having trouble because I have no solid goal. I feel like I'm losing it. Maybe I am. For example- it is midnight the night before my Anatomy midterm and I haven't studied and I have an assignment due tomorrow and I haven't started. And I'm not freaking out. It is like it doesn't even phase me. And it isn't like I don't have goals, I do. I need to do well in my classes because I really do want to get into occupational therapy. Am I self sabotaging my life?

It looks like I am probably going to withdraw from Anatomy. Five years in my degree and I have never had to withdraw from anything, but there is no way I can salvage that class. I feel bad for letting it get this far. I probably should have gone to talk to someone when I first started feeling like this. I thought it was just a mood swing, that I would swing back to normal like I normally do. But I never did...

Have no fear. I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor tomorrow after I fail my Anatomy exam. Because I can't go on "living" like this. I don't really feel like I am living right now. I'm going through the motions. It is time to start living again.