So I went to Daley's fire pit thing tonight and that was fun. I even took some pictures that if I weren't so lazy, I would post them on here. Don't worry... I wouldn't post those scary ones of Daley without asking.

I also got my hair trimmed today and now it feels much lighter.

I'm also less scared of moving now that I have the cell number of the girl I am moving in with. What scares me more is that I will have no one to help me with my boxes and such. I have Rachel conditionally booked... I am hoping that doesn't fall through.

Anyhow... I should get to bed.

The next time I write on here will probably be from the comfort of my new home in Edmonton :)

State: Excited/still sickish
Song: Wild Horses- Daniel Letterle

I had all ths stuff I wanted to write when I was high on cold medication, but now I can't remember any of it. I'm sure it will eventually come to me. Although it won't be as eloquent as I had it in my head. Anyhow... that will be for later. I'm too busy right now.

I'm feeling better though. I guess that is all that really counts.

State: feeling better
Song: Century Plant- The Company of Camp
Book: A Year in Provence- Peter Mayle

Kill me now. I feel like I have been run over by a truck. aka- I feel like I am getting sick.

P.S- Anyone want to help me move on Wednesday?

State: bleh
Song: Only Hope- Switchfoot
Book: I just finished Life of Pi by: Yann Martel and I am back to reading A Year In Provence.

Okay... so this may be very lame and very shallow of me but... haha I've fallen in love with diving. Okay... so I have been watching the Olympics- and last night I caught a glimse of the canadian diver- Alexandre Despatie. Not only is he really hot- but he can dive too. He is first now going into the finals... and yeah.
Here is a picture so you can see him too:

Anyhow... I have to go get ready for work. For more Alex go to hiswebsite.

Go Alex!!!

I'm not sure what I was going to write.... but I was going to write something. I think I like this new blogger toolbar thing better than the ad... I had to change my template a little so that it would actually look cool.

I had more important things to talk about but apparently I have no attention span. All I know is that I am confused. They really shouldn't let people like me make decisions. Really.

I do believe in free choice. Because if there wasn't free choice, I would never have to make choices. I HATE making choices. Stupid deciding what I want to do with my life.

State: At a fork in the road (one I have managed to avoid for 4 months)
Song: Frustration- Glenna

I am determined to try a new sport/do something active during this soming school year. During my days off, I have realized how amazing I feel when I am active and that I really don't want to feel like I did last school year: somewhat blob-like from sitting on my ass studying all the time. I think I will try and get registrered into a yoga class or something like that.

Or maybe I'll take up swiming again. But that looks somewhat less likely as the times that the club meets at kind of conflict with my schedule. I could try and start swimming again on my own, but I findit so much easier to do within a club with coaches and such. When I try and go myself, I have to go during rec swim where the people aren't there to seriously swim and swim way to slow or swim way to fast. Or I push myself too hard, wanting to swim like I did when I was in good shape and end up being really sore the next day. So yeah... many possibilities in my quest to stay active during the school year. All possibilities cannot take up much time either. But yeah...

I found a beaker washing job, part-time in a genetics lab at the university. I think I am going to apply. It is part-time and pays 10$/hr. for 10 hours a week. I could sure use that kind of money. And hey I've always wanted to beaker wash.

Anyhow I'm going to bed now- good night :)

On thinking...

I have so many thoughts running thought my head. Getting together with old friends tends to get me into this nostalgic/thinking/philosophical mode. yesterday was Ricki's wedding and it was beautiful and also made me feel old. When friends start having babies and getting married you start feeling the years creep up on you.

I started thinking about high school (seeing old high school friends does this) and everthing we all went through. I'm always amazed that no matter what obstacles I have faced since high school, no matter how low I have felt in the past year- nothing can compare to how I felt in Grade 11. I started thinking about where I am in my life. I'm so much happier now, most of the time at least. Half the time can't even remember how horrible Grade 11 was, because I seemed to have blocked most of the memories out of my mind, a form of protection I guess. the only place all of the memories life on are in my journals, as biased of an account that they may be.

Then I got to thinking of where I am right now. I'm going into my 3rd year of a genetics degree that half the time I am positive I will go on to be a genetic counsellor with and the other half of the time I see myself doing something else. I'm not sure what else- but definately helping people in some way. That is actually the only think I do know about what I want to do with my life. I relaly want to help people. That seems to be the only unifying thought in my mind. I don't think I want to end up in the lab as much as I like lab work sometimes.

Then I started thinking about what I would do immediately upon graduating, if I couldn't get a job in my field. Plan 1 includes getting a job as a flight attendant to help pay off my student loans. And plan 2, is to try and get a job as one of those counsellors that help university students pick their courses.

And for the grand finale- I really started thinking philosophy. I mean - I started to ask myself- Do I believe in destiny? Sometimes I think I do. Then I was thinking- is it possible to believe in destiny and in free choice? I mean if everything in destined then no choice is ever really free? I either believe in destiny or reincarnation. I think what I beleive is more reincarnation. Some people you meet, and you feel very confortable with them almost immediately- like you've known them before in another life. I know it sounds weird, but I swear that there are people in my life that are like that. The first time I met them I felt immediately at ease to tell them everything. On the same wavelenght of thought, I was also thinking about how I found it much easier to bear my soul to people when I was a teenager. Perhaps it was because of my very intact teenage invincibilty complex thinking I wouldn't get hurt and getting hurt. Maybe now that I am older, I am more guarded because now I know how it all feels... I don't know. I relaly wish I was less tired. I think I would write more if I wasn't...

In other less important news....
The quest for the lemon juicer is over. My mom bought me one at Zellers for 2$. Or something life that.

Anyhow I am going to head off to bed. Goodnight!

State: Exhausted but pensive...
Book: A year in Provence- Peter Mayle

Another place to live has been found. I am all jittery as I just finished drinking not very much homemade iced tea. Boy was it good.

Anyhow.. off to bed for me.

More updates later. I will tell more of the quest to find a place to live and all the dungeons I visited along the way. And my second quest to find a lemon juicer.

State: Wired (stupid caffeine)

There is only one phase that could accurately describe my current situation: I'm fucked. As of right now, I have nowhere to live as the place I was going to rent fell through. I sure hope I can find somewhere else to live. I'm sure I'll be able to, but it's not like I really want to go back up.

To top it all off... the government sucks and has given me an all time low student loan- even though I have the same amount of money saved as my first year, I've made less money total, have received no scholarships, and my tuition and cost of living has gone up. It makes no sense...

I want to cry right now, and perhaps I will.

State: Losing it... :(

Okay... so I haven't been updating as much as I did before, and I guess I really don't have many excuses as to why that is. Maybe it is a good thing.

So Friday- I went to Banff with my Aunt, mom and cousin. We went up Sulfur Mountain and I got sunburned. It was fun. I also ran into my long lost friend's mom and she gave me my friend's phone number so I can call her when I get back to Edmonton.

Saturday was spent shopping- looking for the perfect pair of jeans. Sadly, success was not had. Saturday night I watched 50 First Dates at Karen's house with a bunch of people.

Yesterday, I went to work and noticed they gave me three days off in a row (W, Th, F). I'd be fine with this, only I have to come in on Wednesday anyways and it's not like I would put the day off to good use so I might as well be working. If I had know in advance that they wanted to give me three days off in a row, I would have planned something... like a camping trip. But this is such short notice, all my friends are working, and my mom isn't even home so its not like I have anyone to do anything with.

Oh... if anyone wants to come visit my nation on Nation States, it is called Linsemud and all you have to do to get there is click here.

State: Tired... and I've had lots of sleep. hmmm
Book: Nothing (unfortunately)

So I found a place to live. It's really nice, probably about a 10 minute walk (81 AVE and 110ST) from the university and a 1 minute walk to safeway which is nice. I don't care if stuff at that safeway is overpriced!!! I'm not paying $2.00 to go buy groceries somewhere else and I won't have a car so safeway it is. That is unless one of my roommates doesn't mind driving every once and awhile to safeway. I'll be living with four other people- so that will be a change from last year. I decided shared accomodation would be better because then I can live close to the university and still not pay too much in rent. The girl renting the rooms is really nice too. I felt really confortable with her, which is good because I will be living with her. The house is beautiful. It has hardwood floors throughout and this really cool floor (italian granite) in the kitchen. Anyhow... I am really excited about this!! Excited and relieved that I no longer have to go look for a place to live!!!! yay!

On the way home, my mom and I thought we would stop at Sylvan Lake... but it was too busy for our liking so we saw a sign that said 60km (or so) to Rocky Mountain House and decided we'd drive there because neither of us had ever been there. It was fun... we bought ourselves some moolattes and wandered around the town for awhile and then took the number 22 home.

Now I really want to go camping and hiking. But I have to work tomorrow so maybe next weekend!

Anyhow... I'm tired so I am going to stop writing right here.

Okay... I totally forgot I wanted to post some pictures I took when I went to watch the fireworks on Scothman's Hill with my family. So here they are:






I thought they were pretty cool anyhow. Well I have go do all that stuff I said I was going to go do before. Until next time... cheers!

Okay so I guess it has been awhile since I last posted- but honestly I haven't really felt like it as of late. Right now all I do is work and occasionally see people so nothing too exciting is happening. On tuesday I went to see the Tea Party with Caitlin, which was fun even if we only met up with each other after the show. I hadn't seen her since Daley left for Toronto and that was a long time ago.

Tomorrow I am driving up to Edmonton with my mom to go look at places to live. To avoid living in another basement/ living far from to uni on the other side of the river I have decided to look into shared accomodation. I've decided that while it might not be the right time of year to find great rental properties it is the perfect time of year to look for shared accomodation. So far the houses sounds pretty nice as do the people, but I want to meet them all seeing as I am going to have to live with whoever it is I meet all year. What I am really looking forward to is not living in a basement !!!!! And I'm pretty sure I'll live closer than I did last year to the school which is also nice. Lets just hope my apartment hunting is successful. But I have a good feeling about this time... I actually have quite a few places to look at before even going up and they have all booked times with me. Last year everyone was like, "call when you get here." and then I never saw their place.

Anyhow... I'm going to wash and make my lunch and get ready for my busy, busy day. Oh and I don't know how many people read this but if anyone is looking for a job- we have some in my department at Heritage Park. Two girls quit on us yesterday- one because she found a new job- she's from our morning crew and the other (from the night crew) because- well I guess she couldn't hack it. Which I think is absurd. I mean if you can't endure Heritage Park, who hires pretty much anyone, than I don't know where you are going to find a job. I guess she didn't really want the job. So anyone not scared of working hard is looking for a job the hours are from 4-9 and go ahead and apply! I'm done my shameless pitch for people to come work with me. Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the summer.

State: tired
Song: No sleep- Sam Roberts
Book: I just finished Children of Dune

So today was the perfect day to do lots of thinking. I went out with Phil for lunch. That was fun, it is nice to catch up with people from High school. He's grown taller than he was, if you can imagine that.

Later on today, I sat and read my book and thought about relationships. I think I have a relationship phobia. I'm scared, as most people are, of rejection. But I'm so scared of this rejection that it prevents me from doing anything when I am interested in somebody. At the same time, it causes me to close myself off when I sense someone else might be interested in me. I think it is becuase of this phobia that I am often attracted to guys that I can't have (not single, gay, different city) because these guys are safe. Because they are not available I do not have to worry about them hurting me. Sigh... so it is my goal to get over this retarded fear of relationships that was instilled in me four long years ago... I am going to do everything in my power to develop a healthy attitude toward relationships as the one I have right now does not serve me very.

Anyhow, I guess that is all I have been thinking about lately. I got into my lab course which is good news. I don't have to worry about that anymore. Now I just need to know if I have somewhere to live next year.

I guess I'll write more when I have more revelations...

State: Pensive
Song: My Number- Tegan and Sara
Book: Dune Messiah- Frank Herbert

It's been too long since my last post and aI keep thinking of cool things I'd like to write in here, things that never seem to get written. So I guess those things will never get written.

I went out with Rachel tonight... it was lots of fun.

I'm really tired and I don't know why I am posting because I can't think of anything good to say.

Goodnight!

State: Woah, tired!
Song: I'm not a pretty girl- Ani Difranco
Book: Dune Messiah (book 2 in the series)

I was so happy at work today that Virginia was like in her very cute portugese accent, "Do you have a boyfriend, because you are really happy?" Haha... it's funny that work could possibly give me the same kind of glow that a boyfriend could. I think I must have been just happy to be back at work. It was a semi-busy day today, but I think I handled it well. Chris was funny, haha all sad because today is Sunday and the liquor stores are closed early on Sunday.

So my mom's computer is virus ridden and I think I have made problems worse. Actually, I know I have because before it would start up and now all I get is the blue screen of death. I believe (based on some research I have done using the one virus name that came up) that the stupid hotbar web broswer toolbar might have something to do with this stupid virus problems. She has some sort of TrojanDownloader virus. Anyhow, can I say I told you so to my mom? I can't but I did tell her not to buy a PC and did she listen? No... and if she had she wouldn't have this problem. I have never had a virus on my mac although apparently they exist. I know how to fix macs most of the time when they break whereas I don't really know much about the PC so it didn't make sense for my mom (who knows even less about computers than I do) to buy a computer that I won't be able to fix.

Oh well, I just hope that we can recover stuff from her computer...

Anyway, I am kind of really tired. YAY!!!! Goodnight everyone!!!

State: Good/happy/tired
Song: H.W.C.- Liz Phair
Book: Dune- Frank Herbert

Two days off is almost too much seeing as I never really got to go out with anyone. And if I sound bitter, I think it is because I am. But it really isn't anyone's fault. My days off just happened to fall on two night where anyone was busy. So I just sat at home and watched some of season 4 of Sex and the City. I won't say how much of it I watched because that would just make me sound really sad and pathetic. I also sent out a lot of e-mails to my friends. Hopefully some of them will reply.... I think I just managed to make myself seem more sad and pathetic. Oh well, at this point I really don't care anymore and I am really, really happy that I get to go back to my mindless, mind numbing job tomorrow. I guess that is what days off are for. I guess their purpose is to refresh you and make you feel like you want to work again...

So I think I am about done rambling... maybe I'll go start one of my new books that I got at the library today. Maybe that will make Sunday arrive quicker as I am not very tired because I haven't really done much today.

Sometimes I don't even know why I post on here. I mean, what is the point? Half the time I can't even share what is on my mind completely. Half the time, I feel like I hide things on here just as much as I hide things from people in real life, if not more. Perhaps it is because I don't want my life to be an open book. But at the same time, I wonder why I only post my superficial thoughts? Why don't I post anything that is really, really important to me? Maybe it is because those things are too important to share? But that doesn't seem quite right...

Anyhow I don't know where I am going with this and also don't feel the need to explain my self, even if I did have some idea of what I am talking about. Sometimes I miss high school and how I would share my deepest darkest thoughts with anyone who would listen. At the same time, I am also happy that I am not back in the high school with its raging hormones and misunderstandings. I can only think of a couple of people with whom I can share everything with. I think what triggered these thoughts was the fact that some people haven't been returning my e-mails. Its rather annoying actually. Back in high school I probably would have taken it personally. Now not so much, although it did cross my mind that they might be mad at me.

I'm not even sure what I have been writing at this point, but I guess I hate to admit the next thing I am going to admit. I'm lonely, plain and simple. I hate admiting this to myself because I want to be okay by myself, independent. I am okay by myself, happy even. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'd like something more. Is that so wrong? Does it make me a bad person to not want to be alone? I'm not sure... I'm really not sure about many things. At the same time I feel suspended in time. The summer is passing so quickly, I can't believe we are almost half way through June. It's insane.

And now for something completely different: I was looking at the Vote Anders Out site and it has given me more reasons NOT to vote conservative. What an idiot! Thanks for the link, Daley. I'm now searching for which canidate I will bestow my vote. It will be for any one of the other canidates running. I didn't know we had a Marxist-Leninist Party in Canada. Our very own communist party. I'm sure I'm that left-wing though. I also discovered The Canadian Action Party. They have a fairly interesting message, the site is worth checking out anyhow, if only for the sake of learning about one of the political parties of Canada.

I'm not sure if I want to vote for the Liberal canidate in my riding, Justin Thompson. I might have been the clichés in his website that turned me off. Who knows? I am still undecided. Apparently Justin takes the road less travelled... WTF? He is a Aberhart Alumnus though...

Anyhow, I think I have done enough babbling for one evening and hope that tomorrow night will be more eventful. Oh yeah I saw The Stepford Wives with my mom tonight. I thought it was pretty funny, but the audience didn't seem to get many of the jokes. Oh well it was amusing anyhow...

Until next time...

State: Lonely/happy (yes, I think you can be both)
Book: None
Song: Deliver Me- Sarah Brightman

I didn't realize that I haven't posted since last Sunday. Wow. My week had been fairly uneventful since then except for Monday when I went to RIcki's house and played Sequence with Ricki, Dave, Micki, Jane and Eric. Then we all said good bye to Jane and Eric. I was sad to see them go; we had some good times together.

Also on Monday I got to watch the end of the hockey game. It was sad to see the Flames lose, but at the same time I am so happy for how well they did. I mean it is pretty amazing for the 6th place team to become the western conference champions.

Work was pretty busy this week. We had a grade 9 grad pretty much every day this week. I'm very tired. for the first time in my life I suspect iron deficiency. We'll see though...

And the biggest news of all: I have my own vehicle for the next little while. The summer anyhow... so I think I am going to spruce it up tomorrow... It needs washing inside and out. It is definately a fixer-upper! But it does run... and once I get the brakes adjusted it will be ready to be my transportation to and from work!

State: tired,but good
Book: While I Was Gone by- Sue Miller

I was really hoping I'd get to see the Flames win the Cup tonight but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I had fun tonight. I went to Kilkenny's to watch the game and that was pretty good. The atmosphere was great, everyone cheering the Flames on loudly.

What was also interesting is that I met my long lost friend Janel's brother David at the bar. He came over and talked to us in between periods. He was very very drunk!!! And him and Jane got into this argument about tapwater, but her arguments made a lot more sense because she was sober. He was funny and said to me at one point after he's been hitting on me for awhile, "Don't be offended, I'd hit on you more if you weren't my sister's friend." I think I would have been more creeped out by him had I not known him since I was like 7 years old. It was entertaining anyhow...

After the flames lost :( , we went to play pool. It was fun, but I found the pool hall had the same sort of atmosphere as the bowling alley I used to go to in Cochrane. And that was kind of creepy or something. It kind of seems wrong to play pool anywhere other than Caitlin's Rec center.

State: Content
Song: Escape- Rupert Holmes
Book: Same as last post...