Roommates can be frustrating sometimes. I like my roommates, but they aren't the sort of people I would ever become friends with if I didn't live with them. They can be so closeminded about the world sometimes it makes me want to scream!!!

I guess I have been thinking a lot today. I feel old. And really, I'm not getting any younger. But then again nobody is. Lately, I feel like I am going to end up an old maid. I'm lonely, but not in that depressing, sad, desperate lonely kind of way. The kind of lonely that catches you off guard. The kind where you suddenly realize,"Wow, its been a long time since I've even been interested in someone." I mean maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I'm trying to protect myself. From what? I can't remember anymore. Heartbreak, most likely. Rejection, yet another possibility. Why are my standards so high? And my internet is being a bitch. I realize the fairy tale only exists in movies. I realized, that provided a guy flirts with me, I am able to flirt back should I choose to and most importantly feel comfortable doing so. Maybe I'm not cut out for traditional dating. You know, where you sorta know the person and then date to get to know them. I freeze up in situations like that. Random guy asks me out on a date and I am likely without thinking to flat out tell them no. Mind you they are random, and sometimes creepy. Most guys I am able to flirt with, I know fairly well. The dilemma is: how do get to know a guy well enough without becoming his friend, but at the same time not jumping into the dating?

I mean the last time (ahem 5 years ago- yes its now been 5 years), it was easier. I had a friend with a big mouth, who told the guy I liked, that liked him, and we took it from there. And I guess we were never friends to begin with. And things were simpler when I hadn't experienced true heartbreak before. I wasn't afraid to take the plunge. I don't think it works to be friends with the guy first. It hasn't, in my limited experience, worked for me. 5 years... that is way too long.

State: Disbelief
Song: Konstantine- Something Corporate