Man, this week has been a real rollercoster ride. One minute I'm happy and the other I'm in tears. I had a wonderful afternoon with my father. We went out for lunch and saw the Last Samurai. It was a much better movie than I expected. Of course a warning- if you are emotional like me you might spend the last hour crying.

Despite the sad movie I was happy when I got home. Jane had called when I got home. I called her back. It was nice to talk to her. I guess I'm more angry, no not angry, hurt upset by the past couple days than I thought. I just , I don't know what I was thinking but for some reason I feel horrible. I don't know what to do. I know what I don't want to do, but I know I'll end up doing it anyhow so it doesn't matter.

Why am I unable to tell them how I feel? I think I'm mostly afraid of being blamed for whatever even when I will know that it isn't my fault. So I guess that's why I feel it best not to say anything at all. Why do I keep my emotions so bottled up? It isn't healthy. Sometimes I keep my emotions so tightly under wraps that I don't even know myself what I am feeling.

I think I am going to go rent myself a funny movie to cheer myself up. Maybe it will keep me from crying for a couple of hours. I hope I don't regret posting this later. Oh who gives a fuck anymore?/

State: Upset and Distraught
Song: Divided- Tegan and Sara