Eragon

I am reading Eragon right now and I really like it. I just thought I would share a quote that I really liked from it:

Eragon: What is the worth of anything we do?
Saphira: The worth is in the act. Your worth halts when you surrender the will to change and experience life. But options are before you; choose one and dedicate yourself to it. The deeds will give you new hop and purpose.
Eragon: But what can I do?
Saphira: The only true guide is your heart. Nothing less than its supreme desire can help you.
From Eragon, pg 92

I guess I feel like I am at a crossroads, especially in terms of choosing what I want to do with my life. One path, is the one I am already on and the other is to do something entirely different. The path I am already on, well lets just say it is stagnant. Never in my whole life have I felt this unmotivated. I feel like I am walking through quicksand, trying desperately not to sink.

The other path, despite being entirely different, depends on me doing well this semester. I want so desperately to get in, but I am afraid that I have made this choice to late and that I'll probably get rejected the first time around.

Well, I should get back to studying... development awaits!

Where has all my motivation gone???

Please come back... I need you now more than ever.

Do you feel sexy?

At school today, we stumbled across an article on the front page of the Edmonton Journal that was very interesting. It was about this art project that is called We Feel Fine by Jonathan Harris and Sep Kamvar. What they have done it created a website that automatically searches updated weblog entries to log any "I feel" statement in order to gauge the feeling of the world at a particular point in time.

What caught our interest in the article at least was that Edmontonians feel 14 times sexier than the rest of the country and Calgarians feel 10 times sexier. Pretty interesting... or at least I was intrigued. The website is worth a visit. I think it is a pretty neat idea.

So this goes out to all you people in Edmonton and Calgary:

Do you feel sexy?

This is cool

I was looking at the BBC news and I came across these pictures of animals in the womb. Don't worry, no animals were harm in the taking of these pictures. They were all done by computer modeling and ultra sound. Go here to see more.

It kind of reminds me of3D and 4D ultrasound pictures that you can get of your baby now. Click here if you want to see what they look like.

Well, looks like I am out of material for today. Or maybe I am just too tired to care.

New Computer

I finally have my new computer. It is so pretty and fast and I love it. I doubt you'll hear me talk about anything else for awhile. I am going to include a picture of it. And that is about it because I want to keep playing!

More later... perhaps even some pictures from my photo booth!

Who cares what "they" think?

I know that it is human nature to judge and be judged. Although I try not to be judgemental, I know sometimes I'm sure I come across as being judgemental, even if that is not my intent. I also often do not think before I speak, and this just as often gets me in trouble with people- mostly with people who are my friends. I'm not sure this is going to lead into what I want to talk about, but lets see if I can get there.

Firstly, why do people care so much about what other people think? Is this just human nature? For the most part I don't care about what people think. There are very few things that I am ashamed that I have done, and even though I am not proud of those few things, when asked I will admit to them freely despite the possibility of judgement from the other party. And I know I'm not perfect and that I have many flaws that I try to work on everyday, but sometimes I slip. You know we all make mistakes.

Second, why do people that care what other people(not family) think do things on a regular basis that they don't want the people they care about to know about? I guess it is just something I have been thinking about. I've been starting to think- why do something if I know that I'll regret/ be ashamed of it later. I think it is because I think that the only way that someone can make you feel ashamed of your actions is that if something inside of you tells you that you have something to be ashamed about or something to regret.

Maybe if I paused for a moment before blurting stuff out, I might find that I regret or feel less ashamed of things that I have said. Perhaps I could even feel proud.

OT

The more I think about it, the more I want to do occupational therapy. I met with an occupational therapist today and we chatted over dinner. It was great, she gave me some really good ideas of what I could put in my letter of intent. It really reassured me that it was something that I could do, even though my background isn't related at all. I think I want to job shadow a few more if it is possible, and if so I am for sure applying.

Of course there is always the possibility that I don't get in right away. I have back up plans... I might just work and try and chip away at my debt. Goodness knows, I'll probably have to borrow more if I do get into OT. Yay! Two more years of school. I'll be 26 before I even start my career. I guess I was always in for the long haul in school. At least I am close to getting this first degree.

Sigh... I'm done my lab work, so I am off to home for now.

Half-Marathon

Yesterday I officially started training for the Half-Marathon I plan on running on March 4th/2007. I know it probably seems like a leap to go from running shorter distances (longest being about 12 km) to more than double that, but I think I can do if I train my body. I know it will be difficult, but I am up for the challenge. I've joined a running room training clinic and I am pumped and ready to go.

This Sunday is our first Sunday run (which are the longer runs of the week). We are starting at 7 km which I know I can manage already. By then I should be recovered from all the sprinting I did in soccer. Oh yeah- I am playing women's recreational soccer. I think it will be fun. Or at least it was last time despite only having 7 players, which in indoor soccer means that you only have two subs for an hour long game that is split into two halves.

Ugh- I so much school work to do. I really should stay up to do some, but all I feel like doing is sleeping.

I give up...

I don't really have time or the computer speed to post everyday. Speaking of computer speed, I broke down and bought a new computer. I am very excited, although I am not sure I can afford it, somehow I can make it work. I'm sure it will be worth it when the paper writing hell starts and I need my words to come up on to the screen as fast as I typing them. You know you need a new computer when there is a delay between typing the words and seeing them on the screen. My computer has been through a lot with me. It was good to me for a good six years. I kind of feel like Strongbad when his computer blows up. Except my computer hasn't blown up yet. And I'm not getting a lappy, because I wanted a faster computer, and I am too hard on such things that I think I would break it.

Missed One...

Yesterday, I had such a good day, that I forgot to blog. Daley and Heather were up and we had fun.

The End.

P.S. More later, I'm wiped

So excited

So it seems that I haven't been doing as bad on my 499 project as I thought. I have results and working on the number of strains I am now I should be able to get something meaningful before the end of my 499. You have no idea how much this makes me smile.

In other news, I'm absolutely famished. I am thinking about booking it to Oodle Noodle, but I am scared that as soon as I leave the house, someone will come.

Meh, screw it. It's not like Oodle Noodle is that far.

Distractions

I've been so distracted and yet so focused that the same time this past week. It's weird. I think that is why I haven't posted anything really groundbreaking or stellar. I have my mind on too much things at once. Or I am thinking about stuff that I would never discuss on here. Stuff that most people would probably shake their head at and be like, " Why would you want to know that." That's the thing about Genetics. Most people who continue on with it past the first class have this weird understanding of it, and no word of a lie it is definitely like learning a new language. I mean I take for granted ever day that I know what a hypermorph is or a neomorph.

This things sound almost sci-fi like when brought out of the context of the class. No wonder people are scared of geneticists. The thing is- there is so much we don't know. So much that we might never know. Biological systems are way more complicated than anyone ever imagined. And on that note, I should go study how DNA is repaired, which I used to hate studying and now I love it.

Facebook Addict

It is amazing how much time I spend on Facebook. I don't know what it is about it. Perhaps it is because it is like an online tabloid, but instead of strangers, you know the people. It's pretty lame that I have run out of stuff to talk about, so I talk about Facebook. I guess I would like it, because I am one of those people that likes to know stuff about people.

I think is really cool that I have found two of my long lost friends from elementary/jr. high on Facebook. not that we talk that much more now, but I love to see how people are doing. I don't really talk on MSN much. I can't multitask like that and studying in more important.

Anyhow... if you haven't joined yet, I definitely won't encourage it because it is a time sucker. I mean this afternoon, I spent an hour Facebook stalking. Facebook stalking is a term that Anne and I came up with to describe when you link to someones friend and then to their friend and their friend and look at all of their pictures and who they know and so on. It really only works within networks, because then you can usually look at people's pictures even though you aren't friends with them. Now that I read that back to myself, it is kind of creepy. I mean... when you think about it like that, how many people could be Facebook stalking you at this very moment!

I'm just lucky that I don't know too many people on Facebook or it might consume my life. And that is just sick and frankly, kind of creepy.

The Tally

It took me less time than I thought. Thanks to google search this blog button. Only 17 out of 369 posts, in guess 370 if you include this one are about being lonely. Which is surprising, because I thought I bitched about being lonely more than that. Sweet. That's only 4.6% of all of my posts which is really nothing. Wow.

I really need to sleep.

Loneliness

I had the best music class today. We watched Bugs Bunny and listened to Aida. I was thinking about my past few posts.... and really if I wasn't doing this posting thing, I would have put them up because I really had nothing to write about. I've become less introspective as I have gotten older. I think I'm past my introspective prime.

Or am I? Maybe I don't look inside myself anymore because I'm scared of what I will find. Or maybe that isn't it at all? Maybe its just that I am finally happy with my life. I'm no longer lonely, although I find it harder to be alone now than ever. Does that make sense?I guess it does, I mean humans are social creatures, so it would make sense that I am happier with someone than without. It's weird, because I wasn't really unhappy before, I was just lonely.

Maybe it is because I have surrounded myself with such great people I can't help but want to spent time with them. I mean this is the first time since second year university that I have actually liked and enjoyed the company of my roommates. I mean, we're friends and we do stuff together which doesn't often happen when a bunch of random people move in together.

But at the same time, can one really be happy and lonely at the same time? I think they can, as long as they don't dwell on the fact that they are lonely. I'd be kind of interested to look back and see how many posts in my blogging past were about being lonely. Maybe I will and I'll get back to you sometime this month- you know while I am posting everyday. Or not. We'll see. I'll keep you posted. Quite literally.

Write-Off

Okay... so this weekend is officially a write-off. I don't know if I have ever slacked this bad in my whole university career. I have two midterm next week and I don't seem to care much at all.

I went to my first soccer game today, but didn't get to play. I also went to Costco and spent a bit of money. Less than a hundred. 78$ to be exact, which is exactly what each of my other roommates spent. Weird. Anyhow... I think I am going to head off early and hopefully get up early tomorrow and study lots!

Yours, in procrastination.

Lisa

Do it later

My computer has gotten even slower if that is possible. Therefore... this is all you get for a post today.

Post for tonight

This is good to be short and sweet. I can't talk for long, but today was pretty good. I pretty much didn't do a whole lot except for read my book.

Tonight has been a Buffy the Vampire slayer marathon. Tomorrow a homework-a-thon.

I must go continue Buffy. Until next time. Adios.

The Absentminded Undergrad Student

I had quite the absentminded day today. First, I left my keys in the bathroom on our floor. Thank god the grad student I work for in that lab found them and brought them back to me. When I made my probe for my Southern Blot that I forgot to add buffer and enzymes don't work very well without buffer so I ended up with unlabeled DNA and had to repeat the reaction.

On a completely different note, I've consumed more sugar in the past two days that one person ever should. I feel like an addict, because I start to get really sleepy because I am coming down off the high and thus I eat more sugary things and the cycle starts all over again. I need to stop. I bought the Halloween candy so that I could use it when I need a sugar buzz... like when I am writing papers, not for everyday use. I need to hide it so I forget about it.

I think every day this month, except for yesterday, I am going to post a Demotivator from Despair, Inc.. They are quite funny and I want to share them with everyone. I will try and find ones that are associated with the post. Anyhow.... until tomorrow at the same Bat-time, same Bat-channel, this is Lisa signing out. Goodnight!

NaBloPoMo

I've joined this contest. I have to post every day for the entire month of November. Seeing as I have been doing very little in the way of posting this could be difficult. If this doesn't get me posting more, I don't know what will.

In other news, I'm starting to take residence in my lab. I don't know why I pay rent for my house, because I even have food in the fridge here. It's sick. I should also study more for my lecture classes, but we know that isn't going to happen tonight.

Today was a good day over all though and yesterday was too. Things have been going good for me in the lab which is good, and makes me happy. Its at times like this I think about doing grad school. Then I remember how much I miss people at the end of the day and I remember why it wouldn't be the best career choice.

Anyhow... I should go home. Hopefully I can rescue Anne from school and walk home with her!

More epiphanies and studying

I have one killer of a midterm on Thursday and I just wasn't seeming to find the motivation to study. So I was looking at possible careers as my roommate, Anne, remarked I always seem to do. the more I look into it, the more I think I want to do this. I think I want to be an occupational therapist. Their work is varied- there is almost nothing that they don't do. This also makes it hard to describe what they actually do. Anyhow- the job involves helping people which is exactly what I want to do. Now that I have a goal... a new goal, it think it will be easier to motivate myself to continue to do well so that I can actually get in... and so that I have no problems getting in. Right now- minimum entrance average on your last two years is a 3.0, competitive average is a 3.2 and I have a 3.5 right now so if I keep it up I should be good. Sara, my other roommate, said she would help me research the career by taking me to satellite club at the hospital. Satellite club is run by an occupational therapist and it is an activities club for people that have been discharged from the psych ward.

So tomorrow will be a fun filled day of studying/picking up a costume for Halloween at value village. I am being a pirate. I should go to sleep. I have been wanting to for hours now.

Before I go- sorry for not "moderating the comments". I didn't know I had to, to get them to appear. I just thought that people weren't commenting. But you were... and I thank you!

Ranting instead of working

I should be stuyding for a make-up exam I have tomorrow but I am too angry. Some forgot to put TAE in our running buffer, and I subsequently made a gel with this so called running buffer (water) and tried to run it in the so called running buffer.

At about 12:30 pm today I am told by our technician that it was a water gel and that she threw it out. I didn't know whether to cry or to walk into the lab and find the culprit and kill them. This ruined about three full days (8 hour days, no classes) of work, not to mention put me about a week behind and IT NEVER HAD TO HAPPEN. Fucking hell- I wish people were more careful when they are making something that everyone will use.

So I decided that all I would be able to do today is my mouse stuff and then go home because I was shaking that I was so upset. So upset. I cried on the way to the mouse facility. And I still don't know how I am going to work in there tomorrow.

Certainly not a good day in the life of Lisa. Not good at all.

Lab Monkey

And so it begins again. Hours spent in the lab on weekends. The more I think about it... the more I realize that I am really not in the right career. I am such a people person and I am heading towards a career that involves minimal contact with people. Well- you always interact with people but there are long periods where you don't. I guess that would be like a lot of jobs... like a desk job except that instead of a desk, I would get a lab bench and a desk.

I guess the plus side of this- is I know that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I could probably hack it for maybe about 2 or 3 years before becoming fed up with it. I mean it is awesome when things work, but when they don't- and they don't for as long time, it gets frustrating. I'm going to start researching careers, see if I can find a career where I get to work with people (yes I know every job involves working with people) but actually helping people.

If anyone has any idea of what they think I might be good at and like- please let me know. So far- people have said I could become a teacher, some sort of counsellor and someone even told me they thought I would make a good sales person.

Anyhow... I should get back to studying for my music exam. Not that I really need to study that much... but I want an A in this class, so I need to so especially well on the exams to do that because it is not curved. Yes- a class at the U of A that is not curved. I was as shocked as you might be.

Running

I have rediscovered my love of running. I went with my roommate Sara to Frank McNamara Cross Country series race. We ran an 8 km race in the river valley- a two lap race that took us from Emily Murphy Park to Kinsmen and back again. I have never ran 8 km before so all things considered I was just happy I finished the race. My time was pretty good for a newbie (with no training really) at 49:23. I'm going again next week and we will see what happen. If all goes well I am going to start training for the half marathon with Sara in October. And I didn't come in last... well almost (in my age group)... but still not last.

Anyhow... sleep calls. What a great day...

Little Miss Sunshine

The best movie that I have seen so far this year. I laughed, I cried... I clapped. I don't see a lot of movies though... so don't take my word for it. Go see it and judge for yourself.

I think one of my favourite lines was, "If you slept through High school, you'd miss some of your best suffering years." Or " Have lots of sex. Not just with one women, with lots of women." I guess the quotes were funnier in the context of the movie.

In other news... perhaps I have filled my plate too full at the buffet of life this time. Feeling overwhelmed already and it is day 2 of the second week of school. Ugh... I think I just need to suck it up and study.

I should go. I have an early morning tomorrow. I might sleep in... but I might not too.

I finally figured it out...

Ever since other people started switching to blogger beta- I wanted to... but couldn't figure out how. And now I have so now I am using it.

In other news... lost keys were found... school is busy... Lisa isn't sure how she is going to read all that she needs to.

And I need to be at school by 7:30 am so I am off to bed!

Idiot

This post is entitled idiot referring to myself. I am an idiot. In the past few weeks I have managed to lose my lab keys and misplace my other key enumerable amounts of time. Today was probably of the worst times as I forgot my keys in my lab and since my roommate was home when I got home I didn't notice until I went to leave and didn't have them. So Ryan- bless his soul- went all the way back to the university by himself (because I couldn't leave my house in case my keys weren't there) and thankfully, Monica in my project lab had keys to my job lab and let Ryan in to get them.

Sometimes I wish I could surgically attach my keys to myself somehow.

New Look

I was having trouble fixing a few of the glitches of my old page so I picked this new pre-packaged template that actually reminds me a lot of my old one, although perhaps slightly more refined.

But I should go to bed so that I can get up early and go to work tomorrow! Yay!

Has it really been that long?

I haven't felt much like blogging lately. Well I think that is more than obvious with the long amount of time since my last entry. I've been busy I guess. I am no longer working at Fort Edmonton and I am now working in a lab. I really like my lab job. I think it is the first time in a long while that I have really enjoyed Science again. My only problem is- I never feel like working on my 499. My project for my 499 is somewhat boring. Actually I am working on it right now as we speak. I think it will start going better soon. Or at least I hope.

In other news, I had a wonderful weekend. Lindsay, Michael and Jane came up to visit me and it was tons of fun. We went to the World Waterpark at West ed and dress shopping for Lindsay. I really do miss my friends. I am going to Calgary the next weekend and the weekend after to visit before school starts. I haven't really been down to Calgary since May and I really want to visit my family.

I can't think of what else I want to say so I think I will leave it at that.

Best Wedding EVER!

I have just come home from one of the best weddings I have been to in awhile. It was my roommate Nicky's wedding and she did an awesome job with it. I think what I liked most about it- was that all of our tables were named after famous scientists and she didn't sit people with people they knew- so we were forced to get to know other people. She arranged the tables so that you would have things in common with that table. Our table got along fabulously. It started out pretty formal (you know the typical questions- what are you studying etc. ) and by the end of dinner we started taking all of the chocolate boxes and reconstructing famous monuments, starting with Stonehenge. After we ran out of famous places to reconstruct, we moved on to playing dominoes with the boxes. That was fun and got a little rowdy. So much so, that we started to attract a crowd. Then people started to bring us their empty chocolate boxes and the dominoes games became more elaborate.

The dance was pretty fun too. I think we probably would have stayed later if Nicky's mother wasn't forcing her to stay until everyone was gone. So we wanted to help her out by leaving.

Anyhow... I should be off to bed. This is the first weekend I have had off in awhile and I am going to Elk Island National Park tomorrow. I'm kind of excited to get out of the city- it should be fun!

Devonshire Cream

Devonshire cream has to be the most sinful and most amazing thing I have ever tasted lately. For those of you that don't know what this most delectable treat is I will have to enlighten you. It is whipped cream mixed with cream cheese. I thought I was forever in love with cream cheese icing until I found out about Devonshire cream. It tastes amazing on the scones that our pastry chef Jean makes. But I can think of many other thing this would taste amazing on... for example on angel food cake with strawberrys instead of normal whipped cream. I am going to have to find the recipe for this, although I am pretty sure work would give it to me. It isn't like it is some closely garded trade secret.

Well... since I am done yamming on and on about Devonshire Cream... I've been doing good lately. Besides having a crisis/revelation that I will never be happy couped up in a lab everything is just fine. It is funny, because it doesn't even bother me that I don't want to do lab work, after all this time and effort trying to get lab experience so that I could get said lab jobs. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to finding something I really want to do. Want that is- I'm not sure. But one thing is for sure. I HAVE TO WORK WITH PEOPLE. After spending years thinking I don't like working with people, I have discovered that I actually really enjoy it. more than enjoy it- I LOVE it.

Now I just need to find the right career involving people and everything will be good. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Anyhow... I should sleep. Big day in the lab tomorrow. Woot!

New Post on the Food Blog

So I haven't been very good at posting on either of my blogs lately, but really you haven't missed much. So if you want to check out my post on hot dogs in a bowl, click here.

Maybe if I feel like it, I'll post again later!

Post Number 350

I'm getting really bad for not blogging. Mostly because I had been really busy and something's got to give. I was thinking that would do some huge update to say how my life has been up until now but part of me doesn't really feel like it. Really it isn't that fascinating... or at least I don't think so.

So I officially hate the curve... and finally have been bitten in the ass by it. 0.5 of a % away from a B+. Ugh... officially (or unofficially as it is right now) my lowest mark in a genetics course to date. And it is stupid because there is no spread in the class (our highest mark was 80%, most people getting the class average which is 62%) and somehow they have to hand out a variety of grades. I highly don't recommend it, to any0ne who might be thinking of taking human genetics for fun not to. It is a 4th year survey course of the worse kind- the kind where you really leave it knowing as much as you did when you started and wonder why you wasted your money taking a course that didn't teach you anything new. I learned more in my physiology course I didn't study for until the final. And that is saying something.

Anyhow... I'm off to get my hair cut- it really needs it after almost a whole year of growing.

Dead End or Existential Crisis?

I'm having another- 'why am I here and what am I doing with my life?' crisis. A couple of days or weeks ago, I started to feel mediocre and that my life is going nowhere. I feel like I am at a dead end and I don't know what I am going to do.

I honestly can't bring myself to write much more right now, because I am falling asleep and I want to go to bed.

I just hope I'll see a sign. Something to tell me I am on the right path.

Sicker than a Dog

My body seems to like to quit on me when I least want it to. I have so much due in the next few days and I feel like my head is going to explode. Yesterday, I didn't move off the couch. Today, I got slightly more done, but still not that much considering what is still left.

Is my body trying to tell me something? Ugh... I don't need a lesson right now. I need a mind that can process things and energy to work.

Why?

My First Post in My New Hobby Blog

I have finally made my first post in my new food blog. The only thing it doesn't have but needs is pictures. But alas my camera's batteries were dead and I was hungry and said meal that I talk about in the entry was devoured.

The address is: http://tequilalimes.blogspot.com/. And it is also a link in the "Links" section of this page!

Check it out!

g'night!

Why was I so scared?

So I finally did something I should have a long time ago: I told someone I care about exactly how I was feeling. It wasn't easy... it just sort of came out. I tried to bring it into the conversation, but it is hard to talk seriously with someone that that likes to joke about things. And then I got frustrated and started to cry. I think the fear of sharing these feelings comes from times in the past where I completely opened up and got really hurt. I was scared of it happening again, but it didn't. So my goal is to get over this fear completely and free myself from emotional constipation.

Anyhow... I had a productive day in the lab and it was nice to get to hang out with Ryan. Reading week is actually going to be spent reading. And relaxing of course... but I want to have my oral presentation done and over with before school starts back.

So disappointed...

Ugh... I hate doing poorly, when I think I could have done better. I feel like that is the story of my life in this lab course. I wish there were some sort of effort mark in the class. You know, 5% to tell you that yes you did try hard even if your mark does not reflect it. I feel like I need to do more, always more to do better in that class. At times, I love the challenge. At other times, like right now, I just feel burnt out. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to do as well as I might like. I need to become more consistant. I've decided, especially in regards to my lab course, I am going to start doing all the background readings and making myself a notebook that describes exactly why we are doing everything- reagents, steps, everything. As well as some more general knowledge about lab techniques.

I think if I do that, I'll have the background I need to possibly do better in this class. I hate floundering like I am right now. It feels awful. Its almost like part of me has stopped caring. Anyhow, I need sleep if I am going to face the lab tomorrow.

Randomness... a google thing... taken from Steph's blog

Your Name
Lisa Rae
http://davepics.com/Album/2003/05-23.Lindy_Prom.SDLX/tn/dsc01011.jpg.html

First Pet's Name
Marmalade
http://www.swallowhillfarm.com/photos/Apple%20Marmalade.jpg

Favourite thing to to do on a Saturday
Relax
http://www.wiwi.uni-bielefeld.de/~wolf/software/relax/relax_files/hello2.jpg

What You Wanted To Be When You Grew Up
Interior Designer
http://www.aperfectworld.org/10303.htm

The Last 4 Numbers Of Your Phone #
(0532)
http://science.ksc.nasa.gov/shuttle/missions/sts-96/images/high/KSC-99PP-0532.jpg

Have a great Valentine's Day everyone :)

Children, wake up, hold your mistake up

So much stress... it's funny because I think I thrive on it. Maybe I'm just a masochist, but when I'm not being challenged I'm not happy. Challenge is interesting. I guess I like to see how far I can push myself and how much I can accomplish. I think unless I can find a career that is ever changing and constantly challenging, I will end up changing careers a lot because of this.

So if I complain about how much I have to do, or how stressed I am or mention how I broke down into tears, it isn't because I am unhappy. In fact, despite the amount of stress I am under right now, I think I am the happiest I have been in awhile. And as weird as that might sound, it is surprisingly true. I know I wish for easier times at times like these, but when it's an easy time I wish I had more to do.... so it is a catch-22.

Anyhow... The title of this entry... it's a line from my favourite song of the moment- Wake up by the Arcade Fire.

I should sleep and not be tired tomorrow.

Do I need to sell my soul to do well in 420?

I just finished the first of many hellish weeks to come. I wish I hadn't spent so much time on my stupid stupid lab course because what did I get back? Crap sequences on most of my stuff. I think I have one that might be useable... ONE. I bombed my debate yesterday. I froze up and forgot what I was going to say. Even though I practiced.

Not to mention I probably did crappy on the assignment I handed in... needless to say it is back to the drawing board for my lab course. I think I'll set up a new set of phage lysates... and see if I can get anything interesting.

I think today will be better. Unless I find out that my one sequence is crap too.

I feel like I'm losing my soul to this course. What if research is beyond what I am capable? I don't want it to be... but what if it is?

Time to Vote... so what are you waiting for???

I've already voted today. It was surprisingly easy to get registered despite not being on the voter's list for my riding, Edmonton-Strathcona. So you can't tell me that it is hard to vote, because it really isn't. And most polling stations seem to be very close to where people live. Mine was about a block away from my house. Honestly- I don't think anyone should have an excuse to not vote. So what are you waiting for? Go vote!

And if you don't vote, don't complain to me about how much you hate the government.

What makes someone smart?

I've been pretty busy lately, it is a wonder I have had time to think of anything philosophical at all, but I guess this is something that has been nagging at me for a bit. It is something you run into a lot at University I guess...

People have often told me I'm smart. It is funny- because I don't see myself as being smart at all. Now this may sounds like the opposite of being conceited or smug or people might think I'm just being modest because no one likes it when someone thinks they are smart and then lets the world know. No- I actually don't see myself as smart and I am always surprised when I do well on things.

Is it weird not to feel smart? Just because I do well in school or at my job should I feel smart? I don't know its weird. Maybe it is a lack of self confidence... or maybe it is just because I am so put off by people who know they are smart and are convinced most other people are stupid and act like we should worship the ground they walk on. Barf. These are often the same people that assume that because someone doesn't have a 3.0 or higher, we shouldn't give them a chance to do anything. Newsflash again- some of the smartest people aren't actually that great at exams and traditional style school. When you give them something applied they excel and yet we turn these people away from Grad schools and Med schools because their GPA was sub-standard. I mean being a doctors isn't only about knowing facts. It is about interacting with patients and problem solving to diagnose and give patients the best care. Some med schools are doing a good job of selecting people to do this, others, however, are not.

Ugh... obviously this is something I get a little riled up about.

Anyhow... I must get to bed- I have a lot to learn about radiation tomorrow!

I can't believe I am saying this...

I love it here right now... I never thought I would say that about EDMONTON!!! Need sleep, might say more later.

Where did she go?

When did I become so anti-social? Has living in the middle of nowhere turned me into a solitude loving hermit?

Best New Year's In Many Years...

Before I tell you about my wonderful New Year's, I will start with the story of my less than perfect move.

It took an hour for us to actually get the U-haul. Then we spent the rest of the 28th packing my apartment and loading it into the truck. By the time we had finished cleaning my place I was almost passing out with exhaustion. I gave my keys to my landlords and we got a hotel to sleep in for the night.

We left early the next morning- a foggy dreary day. My car had been acting up a bit but we chose to ignore it (bad move) and keep going. We followed some very slow moving vehicles heading to some middle of nowhere oil field for a bit and tired not to fall asleep.

My car died in Killam so we figured it was the battery and put a new one in. (Again, bad move). By the time I reached Sherwood Park I was driving in erie silence. I knew that as soon as I reached a stop light I was screwed and that the car was going to die again. And so it did. So my mom picked me up in the moving truck, and we drove to Canadian Tire. The Canadian Tire guys gave me a number to call for the pick-up truck and I beat the police to calling him by about 5 minutes. So we left the car at Canadian Tire to be fixed and proceeded to my new place to unload. At this point neither my mom nor I really wanted to unpack and we snapped at each other a few times and I cried. All and all... not a cool time.

We got everything unpacked and headed to Pharos for Lasagne. While there, I received a call from the Canadian Tire mechanic telling my that my alternator needed to be replaced (and that turns out to be pretty expensive). When we got back we set up our sleeping places (I got my mattress, my mom took my box spring) and we went to sleep. Best sleep I had in a longtime.

My mom went home the next day (the 30th) and I picked up my car. I proceeded to start the enormous job that will be unpacking and went to bed at around midnight. the next day, i got up and 8:30 to clean up the mess I made a bit before having to leave for Innisfail to ring in the New Year!

It was so nice to see Ryan. It feels like forever since I had seen him. I felt bad that his Christmas gift wasn't ready for him when I saw him. He got me mittens with idiot strings and the beautiful necklace pictured right.

We hung out and played some Settlers of Catan (with the Knights and Cities expansion pack) and ate some appetizer that Ryan's mom made (so good!). After, we went over to one of Ryan's friend's houses in Red Deer which was fun. We left early so that we could beat the crazies home and rang in the new year on the road. We watched The Brothers' Grimm when we got home (or rather Ryan watched it, I fell asleep on him). He said it wasn't that great though, so I didn't miss much apparently.

So that was my New Year's. It was nice, rather tame but nice. I'm not much into the wild party New Year's, nor have I ever been. All the best to everyone in the New Year.