I'm not sure what I was going to write.... but I was going to write something. I think I like this new blogger toolbar thing better than the ad... I had to change my template a little so that it would actually look cool.

I had more important things to talk about but apparently I have no attention span. All I know is that I am confused. They really shouldn't let people like me make decisions. Really.

I do believe in free choice. Because if there wasn't free choice, I would never have to make choices. I HATE making choices. Stupid deciding what I want to do with my life.

State: At a fork in the road (one I have managed to avoid for 4 months)
Song: Frustration- Glenna

I am determined to try a new sport/do something active during this soming school year. During my days off, I have realized how amazing I feel when I am active and that I really don't want to feel like I did last school year: somewhat blob-like from sitting on my ass studying all the time. I think I will try and get registrered into a yoga class or something like that.

Or maybe I'll take up swiming again. But that looks somewhat less likely as the times that the club meets at kind of conflict with my schedule. I could try and start swimming again on my own, but I findit so much easier to do within a club with coaches and such. When I try and go myself, I have to go during rec swim where the people aren't there to seriously swim and swim way to slow or swim way to fast. Or I push myself too hard, wanting to swim like I did when I was in good shape and end up being really sore the next day. So yeah... many possibilities in my quest to stay active during the school year. All possibilities cannot take up much time either. But yeah...

I found a beaker washing job, part-time in a genetics lab at the university. I think I am going to apply. It is part-time and pays 10$/hr. for 10 hours a week. I could sure use that kind of money. And hey I've always wanted to beaker wash.

Anyhow I'm going to bed now- good night :)

On thinking...

I have so many thoughts running thought my head. Getting together with old friends tends to get me into this nostalgic/thinking/philosophical mode. yesterday was Ricki's wedding and it was beautiful and also made me feel old. When friends start having babies and getting married you start feeling the years creep up on you.

I started thinking about high school (seeing old high school friends does this) and everthing we all went through. I'm always amazed that no matter what obstacles I have faced since high school, no matter how low I have felt in the past year- nothing can compare to how I felt in Grade 11. I started thinking about where I am in my life. I'm so much happier now, most of the time at least. Half the time can't even remember how horrible Grade 11 was, because I seemed to have blocked most of the memories out of my mind, a form of protection I guess. the only place all of the memories life on are in my journals, as biased of an account that they may be.

Then I got to thinking of where I am right now. I'm going into my 3rd year of a genetics degree that half the time I am positive I will go on to be a genetic counsellor with and the other half of the time I see myself doing something else. I'm not sure what else- but definately helping people in some way. That is actually the only think I do know about what I want to do with my life. I relaly want to help people. That seems to be the only unifying thought in my mind. I don't think I want to end up in the lab as much as I like lab work sometimes.

Then I started thinking about what I would do immediately upon graduating, if I couldn't get a job in my field. Plan 1 includes getting a job as a flight attendant to help pay off my student loans. And plan 2, is to try and get a job as one of those counsellors that help university students pick their courses.

And for the grand finale- I really started thinking philosophy. I mean - I started to ask myself- Do I believe in destiny? Sometimes I think I do. Then I was thinking- is it possible to believe in destiny and in free choice? I mean if everything in destined then no choice is ever really free? I either believe in destiny or reincarnation. I think what I beleive is more reincarnation. Some people you meet, and you feel very confortable with them almost immediately- like you've known them before in another life. I know it sounds weird, but I swear that there are people in my life that are like that. The first time I met them I felt immediately at ease to tell them everything. On the same wavelenght of thought, I was also thinking about how I found it much easier to bear my soul to people when I was a teenager. Perhaps it was because of my very intact teenage invincibilty complex thinking I wouldn't get hurt and getting hurt. Maybe now that I am older, I am more guarded because now I know how it all feels... I don't know. I relaly wish I was less tired. I think I would write more if I wasn't...

In other less important news....
The quest for the lemon juicer is over. My mom bought me one at Zellers for 2$. Or something life that.

Anyhow I am going to head off to bed. Goodnight!

State: Exhausted but pensive...
Book: A year in Provence- Peter Mayle

Another place to live has been found. I am all jittery as I just finished drinking not very much homemade iced tea. Boy was it good.

Anyhow.. off to bed for me.

More updates later. I will tell more of the quest to find a place to live and all the dungeons I visited along the way. And my second quest to find a lemon juicer.

State: Wired (stupid caffeine)

There is only one phase that could accurately describe my current situation: I'm fucked. As of right now, I have nowhere to live as the place I was going to rent fell through. I sure hope I can find somewhere else to live. I'm sure I'll be able to, but it's not like I really want to go back up.

To top it all off... the government sucks and has given me an all time low student loan- even though I have the same amount of money saved as my first year, I've made less money total, have received no scholarships, and my tuition and cost of living has gone up. It makes no sense...

I want to cry right now, and perhaps I will.

State: Losing it... :(

Okay... so I haven't been updating as much as I did before, and I guess I really don't have many excuses as to why that is. Maybe it is a good thing.

So Friday- I went to Banff with my Aunt, mom and cousin. We went up Sulfur Mountain and I got sunburned. It was fun. I also ran into my long lost friend's mom and she gave me my friend's phone number so I can call her when I get back to Edmonton.

Saturday was spent shopping- looking for the perfect pair of jeans. Sadly, success was not had. Saturday night I watched 50 First Dates at Karen's house with a bunch of people.

Yesterday, I went to work and noticed they gave me three days off in a row (W, Th, F). I'd be fine with this, only I have to come in on Wednesday anyways and it's not like I would put the day off to good use so I might as well be working. If I had know in advance that they wanted to give me three days off in a row, I would have planned something... like a camping trip. But this is such short notice, all my friends are working, and my mom isn't even home so its not like I have anyone to do anything with.

Oh... if anyone wants to come visit my nation on Nation States, it is called Linsemud and all you have to do to get there is click here.

State: Tired... and I've had lots of sleep. hmmm
Book: Nothing (unfortunately)

So I found a place to live. It's really nice, probably about a 10 minute walk (81 AVE and 110ST) from the university and a 1 minute walk to safeway which is nice. I don't care if stuff at that safeway is overpriced!!! I'm not paying $2.00 to go buy groceries somewhere else and I won't have a car so safeway it is. That is unless one of my roommates doesn't mind driving every once and awhile to safeway. I'll be living with four other people- so that will be a change from last year. I decided shared accomodation would be better because then I can live close to the university and still not pay too much in rent. The girl renting the rooms is really nice too. I felt really confortable with her, which is good because I will be living with her. The house is beautiful. It has hardwood floors throughout and this really cool floor (italian granite) in the kitchen. Anyhow... I am really excited about this!! Excited and relieved that I no longer have to go look for a place to live!!!! yay!

On the way home, my mom and I thought we would stop at Sylvan Lake... but it was too busy for our liking so we saw a sign that said 60km (or so) to Rocky Mountain House and decided we'd drive there because neither of us had ever been there. It was fun... we bought ourselves some moolattes and wandered around the town for awhile and then took the number 22 home.

Now I really want to go camping and hiking. But I have to work tomorrow so maybe next weekend!

Anyhow... I'm tired so I am going to stop writing right here.

Okay... I totally forgot I wanted to post some pictures I took when I went to watch the fireworks on Scothman's Hill with my family. So here they are:






I thought they were pretty cool anyhow. Well I have go do all that stuff I said I was going to go do before. Until next time... cheers!

Okay so I guess it has been awhile since I last posted- but honestly I haven't really felt like it as of late. Right now all I do is work and occasionally see people so nothing too exciting is happening. On tuesday I went to see the Tea Party with Caitlin, which was fun even if we only met up with each other after the show. I hadn't seen her since Daley left for Toronto and that was a long time ago.

Tomorrow I am driving up to Edmonton with my mom to go look at places to live. To avoid living in another basement/ living far from to uni on the other side of the river I have decided to look into shared accomodation. I've decided that while it might not be the right time of year to find great rental properties it is the perfect time of year to look for shared accomodation. So far the houses sounds pretty nice as do the people, but I want to meet them all seeing as I am going to have to live with whoever it is I meet all year. What I am really looking forward to is not living in a basement !!!!! And I'm pretty sure I'll live closer than I did last year to the school which is also nice. Lets just hope my apartment hunting is successful. But I have a good feeling about this time... I actually have quite a few places to look at before even going up and they have all booked times with me. Last year everyone was like, "call when you get here." and then I never saw their place.

Anyhow... I'm going to wash and make my lunch and get ready for my busy, busy day. Oh and I don't know how many people read this but if anyone is looking for a job- we have some in my department at Heritage Park. Two girls quit on us yesterday- one because she found a new job- she's from our morning crew and the other (from the night crew) because- well I guess she couldn't hack it. Which I think is absurd. I mean if you can't endure Heritage Park, who hires pretty much anyone, than I don't know where you are going to find a job. I guess she didn't really want the job. So anyone not scared of working hard is looking for a job the hours are from 4-9 and go ahead and apply! I'm done my shameless pitch for people to come work with me. Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the summer.

State: tired
Song: No sleep- Sam Roberts
Book: I just finished Children of Dune

So today was the perfect day to do lots of thinking. I went out with Phil for lunch. That was fun, it is nice to catch up with people from High school. He's grown taller than he was, if you can imagine that.

Later on today, I sat and read my book and thought about relationships. I think I have a relationship phobia. I'm scared, as most people are, of rejection. But I'm so scared of this rejection that it prevents me from doing anything when I am interested in somebody. At the same time, it causes me to close myself off when I sense someone else might be interested in me. I think it is becuase of this phobia that I am often attracted to guys that I can't have (not single, gay, different city) because these guys are safe. Because they are not available I do not have to worry about them hurting me. Sigh... so it is my goal to get over this retarded fear of relationships that was instilled in me four long years ago... I am going to do everything in my power to develop a healthy attitude toward relationships as the one I have right now does not serve me very.

Anyhow, I guess that is all I have been thinking about lately. I got into my lab course which is good news. I don't have to worry about that anymore. Now I just need to know if I have somewhere to live next year.

I guess I'll write more when I have more revelations...

State: Pensive
Song: My Number- Tegan and Sara
Book: Dune Messiah- Frank Herbert

It's been too long since my last post and aI keep thinking of cool things I'd like to write in here, things that never seem to get written. So I guess those things will never get written.

I went out with Rachel tonight... it was lots of fun.

I'm really tired and I don't know why I am posting because I can't think of anything good to say.

Goodnight!

State: Woah, tired!
Song: I'm not a pretty girl- Ani Difranco
Book: Dune Messiah (book 2 in the series)

I was so happy at work today that Virginia was like in her very cute portugese accent, "Do you have a boyfriend, because you are really happy?" Haha... it's funny that work could possibly give me the same kind of glow that a boyfriend could. I think I must have been just happy to be back at work. It was a semi-busy day today, but I think I handled it well. Chris was funny, haha all sad because today is Sunday and the liquor stores are closed early on Sunday.

So my mom's computer is virus ridden and I think I have made problems worse. Actually, I know I have because before it would start up and now all I get is the blue screen of death. I believe (based on some research I have done using the one virus name that came up) that the stupid hotbar web broswer toolbar might have something to do with this stupid virus problems. She has some sort of TrojanDownloader virus. Anyhow, can I say I told you so to my mom? I can't but I did tell her not to buy a PC and did she listen? No... and if she had she wouldn't have this problem. I have never had a virus on my mac although apparently they exist. I know how to fix macs most of the time when they break whereas I don't really know much about the PC so it didn't make sense for my mom (who knows even less about computers than I do) to buy a computer that I won't be able to fix.

Oh well, I just hope that we can recover stuff from her computer...

Anyway, I am kind of really tired. YAY!!!! Goodnight everyone!!!

State: Good/happy/tired
Song: H.W.C.- Liz Phair
Book: Dune- Frank Herbert

Two days off is almost too much seeing as I never really got to go out with anyone. And if I sound bitter, I think it is because I am. But it really isn't anyone's fault. My days off just happened to fall on two night where anyone was busy. So I just sat at home and watched some of season 4 of Sex and the City. I won't say how much of it I watched because that would just make me sound really sad and pathetic. I also sent out a lot of e-mails to my friends. Hopefully some of them will reply.... I think I just managed to make myself seem more sad and pathetic. Oh well, at this point I really don't care anymore and I am really, really happy that I get to go back to my mindless, mind numbing job tomorrow. I guess that is what days off are for. I guess their purpose is to refresh you and make you feel like you want to work again...

So I think I am about done rambling... maybe I'll go start one of my new books that I got at the library today. Maybe that will make Sunday arrive quicker as I am not very tired because I haven't really done much today.

Sometimes I don't even know why I post on here. I mean, what is the point? Half the time I can't even share what is on my mind completely. Half the time, I feel like I hide things on here just as much as I hide things from people in real life, if not more. Perhaps it is because I don't want my life to be an open book. But at the same time, I wonder why I only post my superficial thoughts? Why don't I post anything that is really, really important to me? Maybe it is because those things are too important to share? But that doesn't seem quite right...

Anyhow I don't know where I am going with this and also don't feel the need to explain my self, even if I did have some idea of what I am talking about. Sometimes I miss high school and how I would share my deepest darkest thoughts with anyone who would listen. At the same time, I am also happy that I am not back in the high school with its raging hormones and misunderstandings. I can only think of a couple of people with whom I can share everything with. I think what triggered these thoughts was the fact that some people haven't been returning my e-mails. Its rather annoying actually. Back in high school I probably would have taken it personally. Now not so much, although it did cross my mind that they might be mad at me.

I'm not even sure what I have been writing at this point, but I guess I hate to admit the next thing I am going to admit. I'm lonely, plain and simple. I hate admiting this to myself because I want to be okay by myself, independent. I am okay by myself, happy even. But I still can't shake the feeling that I'd like something more. Is that so wrong? Does it make me a bad person to not want to be alone? I'm not sure... I'm really not sure about many things. At the same time I feel suspended in time. The summer is passing so quickly, I can't believe we are almost half way through June. It's insane.

And now for something completely different: I was looking at the Vote Anders Out site and it has given me more reasons NOT to vote conservative. What an idiot! Thanks for the link, Daley. I'm now searching for which canidate I will bestow my vote. It will be for any one of the other canidates running. I didn't know we had a Marxist-Leninist Party in Canada. Our very own communist party. I'm sure I'm that left-wing though. I also discovered The Canadian Action Party. They have a fairly interesting message, the site is worth checking out anyhow, if only for the sake of learning about one of the political parties of Canada.

I'm not sure if I want to vote for the Liberal canidate in my riding, Justin Thompson. I might have been the clichés in his website that turned me off. Who knows? I am still undecided. Apparently Justin takes the road less travelled... WTF? He is a Aberhart Alumnus though...

Anyhow, I think I have done enough babbling for one evening and hope that tomorrow night will be more eventful. Oh yeah I saw The Stepford Wives with my mom tonight. I thought it was pretty funny, but the audience didn't seem to get many of the jokes. Oh well it was amusing anyhow...

Until next time...

State: Lonely/happy (yes, I think you can be both)
Book: None
Song: Deliver Me- Sarah Brightman

I didn't realize that I haven't posted since last Sunday. Wow. My week had been fairly uneventful since then except for Monday when I went to RIcki's house and played Sequence with Ricki, Dave, Micki, Jane and Eric. Then we all said good bye to Jane and Eric. I was sad to see them go; we had some good times together.

Also on Monday I got to watch the end of the hockey game. It was sad to see the Flames lose, but at the same time I am so happy for how well they did. I mean it is pretty amazing for the 6th place team to become the western conference champions.

Work was pretty busy this week. We had a grade 9 grad pretty much every day this week. I'm very tired. for the first time in my life I suspect iron deficiency. We'll see though...

And the biggest news of all: I have my own vehicle for the next little while. The summer anyhow... so I think I am going to spruce it up tomorrow... It needs washing inside and out. It is definately a fixer-upper! But it does run... and once I get the brakes adjusted it will be ready to be my transportation to and from work!

State: tired,but good
Book: While I Was Gone by- Sue Miller

I was really hoping I'd get to see the Flames win the Cup tonight but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I had fun tonight. I went to Kilkenny's to watch the game and that was pretty good. The atmosphere was great, everyone cheering the Flames on loudly.

What was also interesting is that I met my long lost friend Janel's brother David at the bar. He came over and talked to us in between periods. He was very very drunk!!! And him and Jane got into this argument about tapwater, but her arguments made a lot more sense because she was sober. He was funny and said to me at one point after he's been hitting on me for awhile, "Don't be offended, I'd hit on you more if you weren't my sister's friend." I think I would have been more creeped out by him had I not known him since I was like 7 years old. It was entertaining anyhow...

After the flames lost :( , we went to play pool. It was fun, but I found the pool hall had the same sort of atmosphere as the bowling alley I used to go to in Cochrane. And that was kind of creepy or something. It kind of seems wrong to play pool anywhere other than Caitlin's Rec center.

State: Content
Song: Escape- Rupert Holmes
Book: Same as last post...

Okay... so I added Trackbacks for Daley's amusement... and yeah I don't have much else to say at this point! I went to see Harry Potter last night. It was very good, but I think I enjoyed the last two better... I found this one skimmed the surface too much. I was prepared for the fact that I might not like this movie as the third book was my favourite and as I expected I was disappointed.

Anyhow... I should go now.

State: Still tired...
Song: Will we rock you- Queen ( or whatever that song is called!)
Book: Same as last post...

So work today was like Murphy's Law. The SHIT HIT THE FAN in a big way. I'm playing with the layout of my blog and well it's still a work in progess. You'll notice I've added some pictures to the sidebar and I have been trying to get it to look better in IE but it just ain't happening for the time being. In the meantime, I did manage to get it to not cover up the blogger ad. As good as that looked when I use Safari, I didn't like seeing it all covered up when I was elsewhere using IE.

Anyhow... so work sucked today and I am going to try and forget about it because there is nothing I can do right now and what I really need right now is sleep.

Goodnight everyone!!!

State: Dead Tired... somewhat concerned about being fired
Song: Where is My Mind?- The Pixies
Book: Same as previous post.

So the hockey game was just a little disappointing. It probably would have been more disappointing if I had actually heard most of the game. 4-1 for Tampa this time. They are even now and this series far from over. I have faith the flames can still hurt the Lighting... but really I didn't start writing this post at 3:00 am to talk hockey.

Why I started writing this post is right now, beyond me. I had all of these thoughts running through my head and now I can't think of any of them.

Thought #1: I think I was more responsible as a teenager than I am now.
Thought #2: I think that the summer makes me stupid.
Thought #3: Maybe the summer doesn't make me stupid, but I am too busy studying during the school year to realize my stupidity and therefore have no time to act stupid, making the summer my outlet for my craziness/stupidity.
Thought #4: I could just be very very tried.
Thought #5: I work too much.
Thought #6: I like work.
Thought #7: I wish money didn't exist.
Thought #8: *smiles to self* This is the first time in a long time :)
Thought #9: ~sigh~
Thought #10: I should go to bed because I can no longer type the word "thought"

Buenas Noches mi amigos!

State: Sleepdrunken
Song: I can't get enough of you baby- Smashmouth
Book: Fall On Your Knees- Ann-Marie MacDonald

You see, if you wait long enough to post- the flames winning 4-1 isn't old news! Except this time they won 4-1 against Tampa Bay in the Stanley Cup Finals!!!! GO FLAMES GO!

It had been brought to my attention that May 11 was a long time ago. Well, indeed it was. Although, to me it seems like it was yesterday.

What have I been up to lately? Well I work all the time and then I get these days off. What do I do on these so-called days off? I spend time with my friends. I saw Shrek 2 on friday. It was most excellent!!!

I think I am losing brain cells rapidily.... perhaps even forgetting the basics such as reading and writing and typing.

AHHHHH.....!!!! Help me!!! I think I have lost my mind!

State: Slowly going crazy
Song: what song?
Book: Uther- by Jack Whyte

So I am sitting here....thinking, " Wow I sure did have a lot of things to say earlier!" Unfourtunately, all of these thoughts have slipped out of my head.

I went to Jane's house for some Hot tubbing and ended up spending the night. It's surprising how well two people can sleep in a single bed.

My job is going well although I am not sure how I am going to handle this being the assistant lead hand thing. My name is now on the big sheet as being the lead hand on Sunday and Monday... scary. I guess I should try to not come into work hungover on those days. (lol j/k)

Anyhow... not much to say. Hope all is well with everyone... For now, I am going to hit the hay because I have to drive my mom to work tomorrow.

State: Falling asleep sitting up
Song: Inaudible Melodies- Jack Johnson
Book: To Be Someone -Louise Voss

P.S.- This snow thing is kind of getting a little old...
P.P.S- YAY! THE FLAMES WON 4-1

Okay, okay... I'll post. I think I have a little bit more to say now that a few weeks have passed. I mean, last week mainly consisted of me getting up at 5:45 am every morning except thursday so I could get to work for 7 and working until 3:30. I'd get home and basically only have enough energy to read because I wouldn't have gone to bed early enough for the time I have to get up in the morning. Needless to say this put a damper on my social life.

Since I have last posted, I have read three books: The Double Helix, by James Watson, Happiness TM, by Will Ferguson, and The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing by Melissa Bank. All of them were really good.

So yesterday was my first day off in six days. I really enjoyed it. I didn't really mind that I didn't get two days off because I'm not sure... I get more money and I can always use the money.

Okay, okay- back to yesterday. So I went out with Wei, Byron, Craig, Jessie, Marcus, Keith and Greg for ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI! It was really good- but I was so stuffed afterwards. After spending 3 hours stuffing our bodies with SUSHI we made our way to Wei's house where we watched select scenes from Chicago and I had my first taste of Sake. The Sake was quite enjoyable. So we finished the one bottle of Sake, and cracked open the bottle Craig had brought over- but it was turning into rice vinegar so we decided it wouldn't be safe to drink and proceeded to go out and purchase more Sake.

When we got back, I think Byron was already tipsy and was raving about how we should go Kareokeing... so after we watched most of Chicago and everyone (except the drivers) had more Sake, Craig took Byron down to Schooners while the rest of us- except our trusty DD, drank some Bailey's and chatted. By then it was 11:30 so we decided we should head over to the Kareokee place...

There was hardly anyone at the Kareokee place (Schooners) and it was mostly us getting up to sing, which let me tell you is probably not a good thing. We also played pool. I've discovered that I must have improved since the beginning of last summer because I was a lot better at playing than I thought I was.

After sitting and chatting for awhile, we decided it was almost time to go. Craig wanted to smoke a cigar, and I said I would smoke one with him. We went to 7-11 and bought a really cheap, disgusting cigar. We had some challenge with the wind lighting it. And I realized why I only ever smoke anything like once a year- it was so disgusting. I got a nice buzz, but it wasn't worth it for the after taste.

So we waited in front of Wei's house while he drove Jessie home... And then I was going to stay over, but I decided that I should probably go home at 3:30 am.. so Wei drove me home.

So that was my wild and exciting evening. And I wasn't even that tired today- nor did I get sick. Maybe it was because I actually got drunk this time- who knows?

Anyhow- today at work they would announce on the radios: This is a call to all radios- the Flames have scored a goal, the scored is now 1-0. It cracked me up... and I didn't miss any of the goals considering I didn't get to watch the game. And I am very happy that they won... it was quite exciting :)

I hope that has pleased those of you (Daley) that have been asking for an update. As for myself, I am going to sign off until next time I have a WILD and CRAZY adventures... which hopefully happens sooner rather than later.

State: getting tired...
Song:Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen

So all of my exams are done and that feels great. If only the profs would hurry up with the grades, I would be a happy.

Yesterday, I got up around 10:30 am- did nothing until about noon. Then my mom and I went to Sam's in Kensington for lunch. Great food... it usually is there though. Then we browsed the books in the books stores, went to a used bookstore, where I bought Harry Potter 1 and 2 to complete my collection.

Then we went to the registry where I paid lots of money to get my license renewed and sent off to wherever they make the new licenses. Eventually, we made it to the Health food store, where my mom bought some seeds and some other things. Just before supper we headed off to the library where I picked up two books: "Eleven Minutes"- by Paulo Coelho and the highly recommended (by some) "The Double Helix"- by James D. Watson. I finished reading "Eleven Minutes" last night. It was very good... I want to read it again already. True to Paulo Coehlo's style there were many quotable passages with deep philosophical messages which I am not sure I absorbed the first time. The book really touched me. I related to the main character of the story quite a bit, and the story restored my hope in love and its existence and necessity.

I think next on my reading list will be "The Double Helix". I'm kind of excited as I have heard great things about the book. Well great as in James Watson is really high on himself and that makes the book really funny.

Anyhow... I want to go for a run. I feel gross right now, and I am hoping that will help. Until next time...

State: Totally relaxed
Song:-
Book: Eleven Minutes-by Paulo Coelho (so I am already done reading it... big deal)

YAY!.... in 3 and half more hours I start my Genetics 275 exam which means I am 6 and half hours away from being done school!!!

I'm so excited... I think this is a record number of exam for me to have written in three days... and it might have cost me in Ecology... I walked out of that exam feeling very, powerless and like I almost certainly failed.

But I am over that now... and happy that it's all going to be over soon and that means that it is summer!

State: Happy... lalala
Song: La la la... something happy

So I haven't really taken the time to post lately, but since I have decided that my brain might explode I decided a long-ish break couldn't hurt. So I started by watching the overtime win of Ottawa over Toronto... which was nice, but has resulted in another game 7. One I won't be watching.

Then I searched the internet to find the genetics jokes I really liked from my first University genetics course. They aren't really funny though, if you don't know the background... anyhow they can be found here. This is one of my favourites: "My RNA, I'm sorry I misread your UAAUAAUAA and inserted three tyrosines when you repeatedly asked me to stop. Something got lost in the translation. Please forgive me."

But I think I am going to go back to reviewing stuff now, as I have been breaking for two hours. Not that I want to study anymore... but I feel like I might have found some vacancy. I can always hope...

State: No vacancy... well not really
Song: Moonlight Serenade- Klaus Badelt (Pirates of the Caribbean)

So I had a fairly uneventful birthday... as was to be expected. And I am sick of studying... and it is gross out. It always seems to snow around this time of year. hmmm....

Calgary won the game last night though, so that was cool. But Montreal lost... and that sucked because they should have won that game.

I have an exam tomorrow, and I have no idea if I am ready or not. I think I am, I mean it is mutiple guess- how hard can it really be? I think I have done a good job preparing... so yeah.

Anyhow I should get back to work...

State: Bored
Song: Random Classical- at this moment:some sort of mozart

Directly above is my mini-mized self. I made many but this was the one that best represented my geeky self. You too can be mini-mized.Just click here!

State: sick of studying
Song: random classical

Okay... Lindsay is turning me into a hockey fan. Calgary lost 2-1 to the Canucks. I think I need to get out of the house. Maybe I will.

State: Cabin fever
Song: Bulletproof- Blue Rodeo

Okay... so I had this big long post all ready and then safari quit and I lost everything. So I am going to write the abridged version...

Yesterday was my pseudo-birthday. All and all- a great day. Too bad now I have to study.

Anyone looking for a chick flick should check out: The Prince and Me! It was one of the best movies of this genre that I have seen in awhile. Probably because I could totally relate to the main character and how many movies nowdays depict the horridness of organic chem labs? Not very many.

Dinner at Julio's was great although I ate too much. My fishbowl margarita also was exellent. Pretty good deal considering its size... but not as good a deal of the fishbowl cocktails at the Cocktail club probably because those are triple the size of the one I had last night.

After dinner, we met Princess. We all went to timmy's and then Daley and Heather left. Princess, lindsay and I went to Scholar's a pub that boast a large collection of books. It used to be called the library... it was quite nice except for the drunken dude that tried to pick us up. Guys like that make me so uncomfortable. So I had a good time last night...
So I took this book quiz... I quite enjoyed this book quiz although I'm not sure I am really this book. I don't really care though because it is one of my favorite books of all time.

You're Ender's Game!

by Orson Scott Card

To you, most everything is a game. It's summertime, and the living's
easy. Even when there's a war on, it's just a game to you. But even though you've
historically been able to meet every challenge, there are some doubts about what lies
ahead. Are you sure you're up to the next test? Don't forget to pay attention to your
siblings.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

That's all for now folks...

State: good...
Song: Random Classical Music
Book: Molecular Genetics of Bacteria haha j/k

I'm having one of those rare moments of calm. Calm before the storm you might say. I had a wonderful pseudo-birthday with my mom today. She drove up to Edmonton to spend a day with me as my birthday present. It was really nice. Nice not to talk about school. Nice not to think about school for a WHOLE DAY! We went shopping at west ed. I don't usually like west ed, but this time I took a map at the begining, found all the stores I wanted to go to, circled them on the map did them in a sequence that made sense. Instead of my usual wandering that leaves me frustrated at the end of it all because I didn't get to go to a store I wanted to go to.

I bought a super sweet outfit for my interview tomorrow... a dress that I really need a hot date now to wear too. I finally have my very own little black dress. I was thinking of wearing it to the dress as your favourite era safewalk party... I could be the 1920's in my dress if only I have feather boa. I also got another pair of sweet ass flood pants... and TWO pairs of shoes. I love them both. I LOVE SANDAL SEASON! The one pair is from old navy and are so pretty and actually half decently confortable for flip flops... and the other are some cheap black sandals that go really well with the job interview outfit.

Oh and I got in for being an orientation leader! sigh... I think I am going to end this now. I was going to talk about something deep and philosophical but shopping and doing my nails has distracted me now so I think I will sign off of the night!

State: Pretty good...
Song: none

So I'm not getting much done on my lab report... so I'm going to kick myself later for wasting so much time and getting so little sleep.

So I decided to procrastinate and take the following quiz:

Take the Dead German Composer Test!

Wow... I didn't know my perfectionism would shine through in the Dead Composer test but apparently it does.

BTW... Stats can kiss my ass. Fucking P values, t-tests and ANOVA. Fuck them all. And what sucks even more is I am the only person in my stupid group that seems to understand anything about stats. So I almost have all of my results written out... and my materials and methods. Argh...

So off to Safewalk I go... at least that will get my mind off school for a bit.

Hope everyone else is doing well :)

State: Stat-urated with work
Song: Anxiety- Black Eyed Peas

I guess I haven't updated in awhile. I really don't know what to say. I think I have decided to stay in my program, but I might do my degree in 5 years instead of four.

I have a hellish month of school ahead of me. It least it looks horrible. hmmm...

I think I am going home for the summer, and I'll just work at Heritage Park for the summer. It's far easier to do that instead of trying to find a job in Edmonton and paying rent and the lot.

I baked cookies last night. skor bar cookies... they are so good.

anyhow... I'm tired. I wish I didn't have any assignments left. They take away from doing actual work. mind you that is kind of a backward thought seeing as most people find assignments to be the "real" work. Not me... assignments just get in the way of me studying for the subject.

Okay... that's enough for now.

State: Bleh...
Song: Anxiety - Black Eyed Peas

Okay, so I said I'd update this with the story from last night. I will start from the begining.

As some of you know, I have been questioning remaining in my chosen program. Not because I don't enjoy genetics. It's not that. I feel the program is too narrowly focused. Which is to be expected from an Honors program. I still feel capable of doing it, but the question is whether I want to or not.

So my Safewalk evening begins and I meet my partner. Really nice guy- 4th year Biological Sciences major with a minor in psych. Another hopeful med student, which is fairly typical at the U of A. He then tells me he used to be in Honors physiology. I'm intrigued... not so typical anymore. So I asked him why he switched out. And he said he saw it coming from the end of second year. He wasn't enjoying the program much but he thought he'd give third year a try. He, like me, was stubborn and didn't really want to leave the program. So third year comes along, and he said it was like living hell. The hardest most detailed courses he's ever taken. And although he was doing well, he hated it. Not because he didn't like physiology... no because the program had become so focused that the big picture was gone. And you learn so much about ONE thing that you are like, "don't want to know any more...make it stop" So he switched out after third year and decided to do the major/minor thing.

I also liked what he said about the focus in the honors programs isn't really the material, but more the marks and although you may be smart, no fail you end up feeling like the stupid person amongst all the smart people.

Listening to him, I thought- that could end up being me. Just a couple of days ago I mentioned to Daley, that maybe I should stay in the program just to finish it. Which has to be the stupidest reason I have EVER heard to stay in a program. Mostly that stems from me not wanting to give up. He called that the science student stubborness. Which again is stupid. Because it really isn't giving up. I still have to convince myself of that though... The honors programs here, and probably a lot of other places, are so rigid. And I think that if I continue, I will end up hating something that I love.

Walking around, talking, thinking, laughing, just being last night gave me a chance to reflect. I had completely lost track of my ultimate goal when I went into genetics. Getting caught up in the program, in getting good grades to stay in the program, I lost my focus. I still want to be a genetic counsellor. So I am going to go for it. But in a different way. I think I basically decided to switch out of my program last night. Do a major in biosci, minor in psych. I think I like psych enough to get a minor in it. It also allows me to take a lot of the biosci courses I really wanted to take but couldn't with my honors degree and not take the ones I didn't want to take. And I'll decide what I am doing next if I don't get into genetic counselling. Pretty much everything I want to do requires some sort of degree before I can do it anyhow.... but it doesn't have to be an honors degree.

It was simply a great night. One of my best shifts ever. We soon got on to other more interesting topics such as playing pranks on people and I have to say, I was in the company of quite the master mind. When we got back to the office, we filled out the incident report sad we missed the Northern light everybody had talked about but happy that we saw 6 bunnies in Quad. Just as we walk outside though- there they are- the most beautiful Northern Lights I have ever seen.

So yeah... I'm a horrible story teller...

So that was my night. My happy elated feeling has been ruined by the prospect of trying to find a summer job. stupid working. bah.

Anyhow seeing as I was so excited last night, I only got 3 hours of sleep I am going to go to bed now. Goodnight Everyone!

State: tired... anxious
Song: Globes and Maps -Something Coporate

Okay... I can't write much right now because I am going to class in like 5 minutes.... well leaving for school. But I think I may have had a HUGE HUGE HUGE revelation last night. Thanks to my wonderful safewalk partner.

It was one of those magical sort of nights. Northern Lights dancing above, six bunnies, hanging out in Quad.

Lets just say a huge light bulb went off in my head and I think I will be happier from now on. Light bulbs can be kind of annoying, as I didn't really sleep last night. My revelation indiced a sort of insomnia. Hopefully, I am able to sleep tonight!

I will tell the WHOLE story... when I get home.

For now you will just have to wait :)

State: Still excited... sort of annoyed I couldn't sleep
Song:I'm too excited for a song...

I'm wondering if I should listen to the wise advice of Aimee Mann...
hmmmm....
This is my song of the moment:

Wise Up
by: Aimee Mann
It's not
what you thought
when you first
began it
You got
what you want
Now you can hardly stand it, though
but now you know
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

You're sure
there's a cure
And you have finally found it
You think
one drink
will shrink you 'til you're underground
and living down
But it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

Prepare a list
of what you need
before you sign
away the deed
'Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
No, it's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
No it's not going to stop
So just give up

I better get back to work... although I am kind of enjoying it. It happens now and again... which makes me question myself even more.

State: confused...
Song: See above :)

So, it has been a long time since I have written anything on here. Not because I haven't had anything to say, but more because I haven't really felt like typing stuff out. I'm been letting the thoughts stew in my head. I might continue to let them stew.

I'm not sure I want to sell my soul to the gods of genetics. As my roommate always says... "You are supposed to like it." Yeah... I know... but the more I learn the less I seem to want to. I do like my eukaryotic genetics course although it is kinda weird and I never know quite what I need to know... but it is interesting. I don't really like bacterial genetics that much. Or at least it doesn't feel like I like it. I'm not even sure anymore. Oh well... I hate talking about this stuff it's stupid and I wish I could just make up my mind.

I saw the Barbarian Invasions last night. It was really good but very very sad. the kind of movie where you have to hold back the sobbing. And it was educational- I now know what a blowjob is in french.

Right now I am working on my lab report that is due in a little less than two weeks. Yes, that's right it isn't due tomorrow and I am working on it. And it is coming along quite well. I'm planning on finishing it today. Or at least the rough draft.

I had more to talk about but I can't remember what it is anymore. I was feeling very philosophical earlier today. But I guess that passed. Darn.

State: Off...
Song: No Sleep - Sam Roberts

So I just got back from my Safewalk shift and I have to say this one went much better than the one before. I just don't think that me and the conservative guy, who likes american history really hit it off. My partner was really nice tonight and we actually never ran out of things to talk about, and I think he actually listened to me. The guy I walked with on Sunday would ask me questions at the begining of the night and then he asked me the same questions about an hour later.

We got off early though because he was sick. The shift mostly comprised of riding the bus from the school to the Fac and then back. We took our break in the safewalk office and the dispatcher told us we could go home. I've decided I really like the 10-1 shift. It's nice and peaceful out and there are more walks I think so you keep busier. I don't know it just seemed like it went by a lot faster.

Anyhow so far so good on the homework doing schedule although it is exhausting. My safewalk shift helped me forget I spent all that time studying though. It broke the evening up a little.

Anyhow... off to bed. Although I still do get to sleep in tomorrow. Yay for 12 o'clock classes!

State: Content but EXHAUSTED
Song: Completely random.... I have one line of a Dido song going around in my head... "be careful what you wish for" so something like that....

Hmmm... I just watched American Beauty. That movie never ceases to amaze me. Every time I watch it, I see something that I didn't see the last time. I always feel better about life after watching that movie.

I'm half-way caught up on my Wall of Work... which was, of course, cause for celebration. Lindsay and I walked to Safeway and picked ourself up some ice cream. Some Hagen Daaz ice cream to be precise. And you know what I found out tonight that really shocked me? There is no GST on ice cream. So I guess the canadian government deams ice cream to be a necessity. Well good on them. Too bad they don't consider feminine products necessary.

I don't really have much to say other than, I was pretty happy today. For the first time in a long time, I was happy sitting down reading my boring textbooks. And you know what, they weren't even that boring. For the first time in a long time, things feel right in my life. And that feel good.

State: Contented
Song: Dancing Bag Song- American Beauty

Okay... I just posted my post from last night because the internet wasn't working last night. Now I am going to do what I said I'd so last night:
The wall of work, by popular (well maybe not popular) demand:

Now I am going to go shopping for supper food and other food so I must be off!

State: Much better

Has anyone seen the movie Beyond the Valley of the Dolls? So Lindsay and I were watching Sex and the City and we kinda just kept watching and we ended up watching one of the weirdest, almost porn movies - well knowing Bravo it probably was porn.

It was weird because it wasn't quite graphic, it didn't quite have a story line, and yeah. And at the end- there were MORALS! Lindsay and I killed ourselves laughing. It was great. Ashley- this really whorish/porn star girl never knew the true meaning of love because she took advantage of boys and didn't have any regard for their feelings. The commentator guy went through all the "bad" characters and said what went wrong in their lives and what the "moral" of the story was.

I kind of think Austin Powers was loosely based on the movie.... or movies like it.

And you know the begining of "Smoke Two Joints" by Sublime- with the talking at the begining? The talking bit is from this movie. Lindsay looked at me funny when I started reciting the lines...

A memorable line : "I'd like to strap you on."- Whorish Ashley

Oh and, I can't forget :
Dirty old man: "Would you like something stronger than that?"( refering to non-alcoholic drink)
Kelly: "Yes, I would but they don't serve that at bars"

Okay I am going to sleep... hard to believe I am still awake.

Goodnight everyone... hope everyone had a groovy Friday night!

State: Exhausted but happy
Song: Incenses and Peppermints by ? it is on the Austin Power 1 soundtrack and this movie as well

Well, seeing as I am still awake I figured I would write something in here. I just finnished my lab report and while I think it is okay- I don't feel I'll get much higher than 60 something on it. I don't know. It just seems like a 60 something paper. Or maybe expectations are too high? Although I've never gotten 60 something on any lab report before this. Wow... I've blabbed on and on about nothing. But the evil that is my ecology lab report is over. sigh. That is until about two weeks from now, when I have another due. I'd like to think I'll start that one sooner and avoid pulling all nighter to finish them but I don't know. Pulling all nighters and lab reports seem to go hand in hand for me. Maybe I've conditioned myself into doing it this way. But that really isn't true. I didn't stay up nearly this late for my micro labs, probably because I found them more interesting to write. Sigh... I think that was my problem tonight. That and stupid excel.

I guess I should go to sleep for the half-hour fourty-five minutes I'll get. yay for morning labs.

okay I have said nothing of use, but I'm sure i probably entertained a few... if not at least people won't bug me about updating.

State: Sleepdrunken
Song: none

Okay some people want me to update so I guess I will. I want to implement a reward system for doing my homework.

I've been wondering about stuff lately. Psych sure puts a lot of ideas into my head. I wish I wasn't so tired so I could actually write everything that is blazing through my head right now. Self-perception is a powerful thing. I'm wondering if what we perceive ourselves as is what we really are? Or do we become what we perceive of ourselves? Would altering one's self-perception alter how other people see the person or would the world's perception remain the same?

Anyhow that is all for now. Sorry it isn't longer.

State: Pensive
Song: Song off of Lindsay's CD that I can't remember the name of

Time for an update... well at least a short one. It is late and I am tired. I had a great reading break. I think it topped Christmas break by far. Because I saw everyone(almost- sorry Dietrie) I wanted to see and it wasn't long enough for me to get depressed about anything.

I went out to laser quest with Wei and Craig tonight. Then we decided to meet Jen P. and her boyfriend at Ducky's for a night a Kareokee. Man, that was fun. I am definately checking out the kareokee again. Good times. I even danced a bit with Craig- and I would have got up to sing but they wouldn't let craig go again so I didn't. Maybe next time. And there will be another time.

Okay off to bed. I'm super tired and I am leaving on the 11 am bus tomorrow so I have to be up in like 6 hours. Goodnight everyone and hopefully your reading breaks were as good as mine. I am hoping I am not going to regret all this fun when I have to work super hard next week to catch up :)

State: Happy... tired and I smell like an ashtray
Song: Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen

Now that I am done stuff I should have done before going out, I will go to bed.

Saw Ricki and Micki today and met Dave.

Heard lots of news tonight, but I don't feel like putting it up for all to see, I think I will just go to bed.

Goodnight!

Okay, here is my update as I haven't really written anything here for awhile. I had a wonderful time out at Caitlin's cabin. It was very relaxing and I really didn't want to leave. Thanks again to Caitlin for having us our there!

I have mostly recovered from the soreness that comes after one has not skied/snowbladed for awhile so that is good.

I have changed the look of my blog. Most of the design is mine, although I used another template and modified it a bunch to get this. So it really doesn't look anything like the orignal. The top picture of the sidebar is University Ave in Edmonton, the second obviously the Eiffle tower and the last one is one of the Iles Medes in spain. I took all three pictures, although I might not have taken the bottom one. It might be Lindsay, Jane or Michael who took that one.

Okay I've blabbled on enough about nothing... I think I am going to go read my book for awhile before my mom gets home.

State: Hungry, but happy.
Song: Nothing right now....

Hmm I'm tired and yet I still am awake. It doesn't make any sense. I've been awake since 6:30 this morning. In fact I was awake until 2:30 this morning.

Bus to Calgary packed.

It's reading week. yay.

Ecology still sucks.

But life goes on...

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

Hope everyone gets all the cinnimon hearts they can eat, because thats the most important thing about St. Val's day.

Okay. I'm going to sleep. Right now.

Goodnight World!

State: Beyond tired... or maybe even tired represented in the multidimention hyperspace (and yes that hoopla about hyperspace was on my Ecology midterm)
Song: Bubble Toes- Jack Johnson

I just had my Genetics 275 midterm and I think it went well. I didn't get the same horrible feeling I got prior to my genet 270 exam so lets hope that is a good sign.

I really should go eat lunch now. And study for 208. Goodness knows that I won't do well on that one if I don't study my ass off for it.

I'm stuck at school for the night... Safewalking at 7 I think... although I should go check on that to make sure.

Wow those three sentences all start with I.

Until next time...
State: Still buzzed from my exam...
Song: Rainy Days- Guster

Today was going well until I got my 270 midterm back. Granted, I knew I hadn't done so hot right after having wrote it so I wasn't really surprised.

I got this e-mail yesterday from Daley and I thought I would immortalize it in my blog for all to see. And then perhaps I will comment. I think a lot of it applies more to one living in rez... and also more after first year... but I've felt pretty much everything in this e-mail at some point in the past two years. Okay, here it is:

Are we ready?

A year has past and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything, and yet nothing being the same.

In two months we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say goodbye to people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left. We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends.

We will go back to the places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before that. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday. As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand. The memories and the stories from school won't mean anything to anyone at home and yet you resent them for that, that they can't share that happiness with you. Who will you call first? What will you do your frist weekend home with your friends? How long before you actually start missing people barging in without calling or knocking? Who will get pizza at three in the morning with you now? How long until you adjust to sleeping alone in a room again?

Then you start to realize how much things have changed, and you realize the hardest part of university is blancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind. In the matter of one day's travelling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8:30am classes, and the perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we lived in it for eightteen years.

But it is different now. We now know the meaning of true friendship. We know who we have kept in touch with over the past year and who we hold dearest in our hearts. We've left our high school world to deal with the real world. We've had our hearts broken, we've fallen in love, we've helped our best friends overcome depresison, stress and death, and we've stayed up all night on the phone just to talk to a friend in need. There have been times when we've felt so helpless being hours away form home when we know our families needed us, and there are times we know we have made a difference.

Two months from now we will leave. Two months form now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave our friends whose random email and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer. We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world. Two months from now we will arrive. We will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's house and do nothing for hours on end. We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us to laughter and tears over the year. We will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year.

In two months we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in some way, we will find our place between these two completely different worlds.

Are you ready?

I don't know, I just found it very moving and I guess so honest and true to what you actually go through when you move home after being away for awhile. I find that its weird to live with my mom again, which is odd because I've pretty much always got along with her. But living with parents is so much different from living on your own. For the first little while last year, I felt so out of place being home again- it was so normal and yet at the same time I think I had changed so maybe the way I perceived home was different. I mean, I changed between high school and university- but the change was gradual and I was in the same environment. Hmm... I'm not sure what I am getting at... anyhow it doesn't matter. I know how I feel and even if I can't quite express it here, as long as I know it doesn't matter.

I need to go study for my genetics 275 exam, lest I repeat my awful performance. Maybe I'll post more later... maybe, maybe not.

State: Disappointed in myself
Song: none

Okay so my post for tonight... I didn't get much done this weekend and that sucks a lot. Especially because other than theater sports, i didn't really do anything fun. And both Lindsay and I are in the most HORRIBLE PMS-y moods ever, and really I don't think most people would want to be around us right now.

I've honestly not felt this crappy due to PMS in awhile. It's almost frightening how all consuming it is. I broke down into tears earlier for no reason. And for some reason taking some silly quiz on geekyness made me feel better.

I've been listening to four songs on repeat for the past few hours. At first they made me sad, but now they are almost comforting and I don't want to turn it off. But I should... and go to bed.

State: Still in this major PMS rut...
Songs: Deliver Me- Sarah Brightman, Globes and Maps- Something Corporate, Sick Cycle Carousel- Lifehouse, and Prayer of St Francis- Sarah McLaughlan

You are 48% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Apparently I am less of a geek than I thought I was....

I went to theater sports last night and that was pretty fun, although not nearly as entertaining as the pants, no pants night.

I'm mad at myself. I didn't get nearly as much done today as thought I would. Oh well, there is always tomorrow. Or today really. I haven't posted since "thursday" night or friday morning you might say. Well, I guess PMS hit me harder this month than it has in awhile. It was pretty bad today too. I was an emotional wreck. And it didn't help that I couldn't get my computer to work when I wanted it too. It was working all fine this morning.... even read this acticle on the BBC :
BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Mice produce sperm from monkeysBut around 2:30 it stopped working. Lindsay's computer wasn't connecting at first too, but then we got hers back online and mine still wasn't biting. I "repaired" the connection vis Lindsay's computer and then checked for a connection and apparently I was connected, but I couldn't use anything that involved the connection. So I fucked around trying to get it to work until about 5 pm, when I said fuck it and decided to watch Sex and The City. I turned my computer off and left it there. I came back after watching Sex and The City, turned it on and presto internet was working again. Who knows why it is working now but wasn't before.

This completely wrecked my "homework" flow and I have proceed to do almost nothing tonight, despite being advised to do otherwise. I really shouldn't blame my lack of working on an inanimate object suck as my dear computer, but it is far easier than feeling guilty about it myself and it's not like shaw or my computer can feel the guilt trip I am giving them. I'm totally against guilt trips, unless they are directed toward inanimate objects. Yeah, the last thing I need is to feel guilty about something. That would completely zap my homework mojo I plan on having tomorrow.

I'm also starting to think I am a boring person. Although I know this isn't true... but I think my initial personality when I meet someone is rather dull as I am uncomfortable and show no personality around them. And if I continue to feel unconfortable, I continue to be boring...

I have no idea where this is going only that I know I am really tired and that I probably should sleep so that I don't start saying even crazier things.

Oh right- one more thing. I figured out why I hate PMS'ing so much. Okay- so you feel really bitchy and you know that if you don't think about what you are going to say next you'll probably say something you regret. So you have to think about what you are going to say, which frankly, stresses me out because I never think before I speak.

Okay... so maybe not one more thing: I did this quiz and here is my result:



Goodnight all! Hope everyone's weekend is going well or at least better than mine.

State: Bitchy- PMS'ing hardcore
Song: Globes and Maps- Something Corporate (what can I say,Daley, it got stuck in my head)

So today was... meh. good for the first half although I was really tired and it went downhill from about half way through my genetics 270 seminar. I'm not sure why I started to feel so crappy at that point, but I did. And I still feel crappy. Maybe I'm hungry. But I don't think it is that. It's like the sick feeling you get when you feel guilty about something. I have no clue what I'd be feeling guilty about right now though. Usually I know. hmmm I feel like I was such a bitch for the last half of this day. Well from about when I got home until now. Maybe that's it. I feel mean, and yet I have talked to very few people and probably said very few mean things. It is that irritable feeling. That feeling that the next words out of your mouth will be snappy and mean and you feel like you have no way of stopping it.

Fuck, I hate feeling this way. I think it may be partially due to not getting enough sleep last night, so to any of those who encounter me tomorrow.... beware. Lisa is not pleasant on the amount of sleep she will have had by tomorrow. But if you want to have lunch with me, Daley, I think I'm be hanging out in front of my lecture theater in Education or I'll be in CAB. Education if I feel this irritable after my lab. But you don't have to come if you don't want to be around me.

Oh and I think I may have said yes to going to see Sarah McLaughlin in concert on September 10 in Vancouver. I really must be in a funny mood because I said yes to Lindsay (not roommate) almost instantly and I usually like to resist with her even though I almost always end up giving in. I think its because it's Sarah McLaughlin and I like crazy plans that will cost me lots of money. Besides, I probably won't see them all summer as they will probably be staying in Victoria in their new condo. So it will be nice to visit. I'm not sure where I am going to be for the summer. If I didn't have to rent here or secure a place to live here for next year, I'd probably go back to Calgary. But it is such a bother to find a place to live. I just as soon stay. Especially if Lindsay is coming back next year. Then I'll just charge her for storage and pay my half of the rent. And maybe find someone to sublet with me...who knows. It's to late to be thinking about such things when I should be sleeping.

Oh yeah... I might be going to Theater Sports tomorrow, or I guess technically today. That should be fun. I think I'll only go if I get enough work done tomorrow though.

Okay... I really should go sleep. goodnight.

State: Fucking tired/irritated/crappy
Song: none

I had a pretty good day today. I enjoyed ALL of my classes today. Even ecology. we looked a parasites today in Ecology. This is the URL to the site we looked at:BBC NEWS | Health | Invasion of the Bodysnatchers. I think parasites are soooo cool. I think I want to take a course on them.

Anyways then I had my Safewalk shift and that was a lot of fun too. And I should go to bed... but I can't seem to stop reading articles on BBC and thus am not ready for bed.

Don't feel like sharing anything personal tonight....so I won't.

State: happy for no apparent reason
Song: Sick Cycle Carousel

Another day, another exam. Biochem went well, but I'm fooling myself if I think I actually care about the subject. I don't, and I am only studying it because I have to. The only thing I really care about is my mark in that course so that it doesn't ruin my good GPA.

I have my genetics 270 exam today. I feel prepared and yet underprepared. I think I've studied as much as I can for it so I guess we will just have to see what see asks. The practice exam was relatively easy, but I never look at those as being a good representation anymore. I've been burned by having false expectations and not studying enough. Anyhow, I'm more nervous for this one because I actually care about genetics. Which is good.

Crazy dreams last night. I'd go into detail... but I don't feel like it.

I've had some thoughts I don't have time to express right now on here, but I think I will come back later and do that.

State: Nervous
Song: Hey Ya- Outkast

This is our wall to try and motivate us not to cram... lets see if it works...

State: Sick of cramming

Okay I said I'd put a picture of my cookies up because I am cruel... so here it is:

and now I'm going to go study...

Okay... so I've crammed all day and once again I say I'll never do this to myself again... but I will. But no... I can't. Fuck, I'm soooo tired, I can't even think straight.

Here's a link to a forensic science program that looks kinda cool. Maybe I'll do this after I get my first degree. BCIT ~ Forensic Investigation (Forensic Science Option): Part-time, Bachelor of Technology

Lindsay and I made oatmeal cookies today and they were awesome. I promise I'll post a picture of them tomorrow. I took such a pretty picture.

Okay... i'm cram-drunken right now so I think I'll go to sleep.

goodnight world...

State: Cram-drunken
Song: Piano Man- Billy Joel

So I didn't end up going to bed until midnight last night because I wanted to get my stuff ready for school so that I could get to school early and sign up for gym equipment. So now I am here early feeling like I should still be sleeping... I guess on the plus side, I get to go to my Ecology lab? Hmmm I really don't see any pluses to that.

Okay here is my bit on Ecology... a lot of the time it is actually interesting. And I think the class would be enjoyable if my prof wasn't a self-righteous ass. But whe he started talking about the multi-dimention hyperspace of niche breath, that's where I lost all respect I had for the guy. Who uses words like that to talk about Ecology? I think the guy honestly chose the wrong field. Or maybe I did... Maybe Daley's right, Physics would be more useful for the type of biology I am going into. Ecology, while I see it's importance on a global scale, just isn't important to me. I understand why I have to take it.... that doesn't mean I have to like it. I did try and like it. I gave it a month and I don't really like it anymore than I did before. I think I was just pretending to like it before. Kinda like biochem. I pretend to like that course to give myself the illusion that I actually care about it.

Okay, well enough ranting about ecology and school in general. I guess I should get to my lab where we will be studying interspecies competition. Ooooh I can't wait. Really.

State: Sleepy and cynical
Song: Kill me now- Adam Sandler

Wow... this is the lastest I have gone to bed all week. I don't have to get up early tomorrow so I thought I'd stay up and finish my stats assignment for ecology. It's pretty much finished now, minus me printing it off.

I was really hyper tonight. And now I am ready to sleep. mmm sleep....

State: good- I think I'm on the brink of a breakdown though (hence the hyperness)
Song: random iTunes (and ,yes I was actually letting all the songs play)

I felt all motivated to work when I was at school and the feeling promptly left when I came home. Darn. I am determined to get that feeling back!!!

I really need to study biochem, but it really doesn't interest me to know much of anything about it other than to hear it once and say - well that is nice, moving on now. Genetics on the otherhand is not nearly as painful to study, but I still need to study it. I think I will devote tonight to biochem and maybe the latter part of this evening to finishing my stats assignment for my Ecology lab.

My first Safewalk shift was spent putting posters up inside and we walked one person to their car. This resulted in us being boiling hot as we were dressed to be outside. Oh well, such is life. I'm feeling better today, but I wish the furnace in my house wouldn't be so testy. It goes on all the time regardless of what temperature the thermostat is set at. I mean we have the thermostat set to 16 right now and it is boiling in my room... and I can't sleep in a hot room.

There is a mouse living in the hole place beside my window!!! He/she is sooo cute! Lindsay and I named him/her Legolas because it is a fairly gender neutral name and we gave the mouse some peanuts and a "blanket" a face cloth thing. He's come out for food a few times. Anyhow, as long as he isn't in our house I don't mind him living there.

As I haven't really delved deep in this entry it seems almost pointless to start now... I kinda wanted to. We were talking about stages of development in psych today, and I was kinda wondering where I fall as far as stages according to Ericson. I think I know who I am, but for all I know I still might be trying to figure that out. Apparently, in order to form meaningful relationship (which is the stage after finding out who you are) involves finding out who you are. I'm wondering if I have done that... hmmm I'm kinda thinking I have, but now the question is: Will I be able to form meaningful relationships? I'm not sure I believe the whole stage theory, but it certainly makes sense and also got me thinking at the early hour of 10 in the morning (I'm aware that isn't that early). Sigh... only time will tell :)

Anyhow, I'm really only avoiding the pain that is biochem. And it is a pain. So I think I will go and try to tackle the beast!

State: Tackling the BEAST! (I hope...)
Song: It's all understood- Jack Johnson

So today was one of those days where you always feel like you are forgetting something and you actually are but you can't put your finger on what you are missing. Kind of like Neville and the Rememberall- it's glowing red but you can't remember what you are forgetting.

Today it so happens that I forgot to count my Daphnia. If you are wondering what those are they are essentially water flees that live in ponds. I ended up skipping my Ecology class to go count them. And of course there were quite a few as they hadn't been counted since Friday.

To make matters worse, I have the feeling that I am getting sick and at one of the worst possible times. I feel very much like I have the flu. I'd go home, but I really wouldn't want to have an excused absence on my first shift of Safewalk. I'll just go home right after and eat some of our chicken soup and go to bed. Hopefully I can stop myself from getting sick.

Other than that, I guess I am starting to feel stressed about my midterms that are coming up next week. At least I get them over with in the begining of the week.

I wish I had some deeper thoughts right now,but my headache/body ache is rendering it very hard for me to actually think about anything so I'm not even going to try.

State: I feel like I've been run over by a Truck
Song: Where Is My Mind?- the pixies

I had my Safewalk training today. It was actually quite fun. We played some games and mingled and such. I think it will be a good group to volunteer for. I like that it is structured, which means I am more likely to keep doing it.

On the school front, I am not doing much better. I'm sure I'll wake up once midterms hit, but I hope that I smarten up before then so I can actually do okay on them.

Hmmm I was thinking about high school last night. I was just thinking about how holding on to feelings you have for someone that doesn't have feelings for you only blinds you to all the other fish in the sea. I think I missed some fish in high school for precisely that reason. It is really too bad actually. Oh well, one cannot dwell on what is done and should only really try to live for today. So yeah... I guess that is my deepish thought for the day. Not really that deep.

Oh well I am going to get ready for bed right so that I won't go to bed too late tonight. Goodnight everyone!

State: exhausted
Song: Aside- the weakerthans

Ahhh... I just had a great nap. I have actually discovered that while I sleep mostly on my right side it's more distributed equally between the two sides. This has resulted in my being unfulfilled in my sleep. I wake up somewhate stiff wish I could sleep on my other side. So just now I took a nap on the side that I got pierced. And it didn't really hurt. But I think that the contact with my conforter has made it bleed a little. Oh well.

Homework once again not going so hot. I just wonder where all my motivation has gone. I guess I have read over all my notes for my genetics class which is okay. But one always hopes to be more productive than one is.

Slightly more motivated after the nap, so I guess I will start the reading that I need to do for next week.

I'm kinda excited for tonight Lindsay and I are making crèpes!!! yum...When she wakes up I'll suggest going to the store.

My ecology book/ genetics articles call....

State: Unmotivated, but less so than before.
Song: Aside and Everything Must Go - The Weakerthans

I had I great time tonight at Theater Sports. I had been invited before but I figured I would take my school buddies up on the offer finally. Wow... improv is great.

The best was when I didn't realize how far they would go with this pants no pants thing. I mean, I totally wasn't expecting to see four guys drop their pants tonight. It was awesome. Not to mention they were talking about fire hoses and such when they dropped them for the first time.

When I got home, Lindsay and Daynika were still up and there were still warm cookies on the table. Mmmm chocolate chip cookies.

I am already not looking forward to the later part of today. Yuck homework and biochem. I sound like I am treating biochem as a seperate entity. Well it is.... a seperate evil entity.

And as I have Safewalk training on Sunday, I need to get as much homework done tomorrow as possible. Which basically means I should go to bed and sleep. And so I will.... to infinity and beyond!!!!!

State: Very Happy- Laughter is the best medicine!
Song: Theater Sports mix... which kinda sounds like music from about 3 years ago, music I recall listening to in Ricki's convertable.

For some reason, I always wake up feeling more like writting than when I go to sleep. It is quite weird. Maybe because I'm more refreshed and have less cluttering my mind at that point.

I have decided I am inept with boys (or men or whatever you want to call guys around my age). For some reason, I am unable to break the ice with them randomly (I am well aware of how this might sound and I am talking about talking to them- nothing more) and usually need someone to introduce me to someone before I feel confortable talking to them. I think this is some sort of defence mechanism thing. I've been hurt a few times and I guess I'm "protecting" myself. Well, I'm sick of protecting myself. It's easy to just say stop doing it... I've actually lived like this for much longer than even I might think. I mean, I was picked on in all through elementary and jr. high and I think this led to me closing up to the opposite sex. Granted, once I know a guy for awhile and I guess after I have made sure they won't completely emotionally-rape me I can open up quite easily (well relative to before).

I don't know... this is something I am working on and probably will be working for awhile. I guess I should head off to my lab... I really don't want to go, but alas it must be done.

State: pensive

Okay... not much to say. I got the top part of my ear pierced yeterday and I am quite happy with it.

I have been rather unproductive as of late and this bothers me.

Anyhow... I have a morning lab tomorrow. Sleep calls.

State: tired, zombie like
Song:Brother Down- Sam Roberts

Well it's early this morning and I'm already not making sense. I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting day. Instead of going to bed at midnight when I hould have, I proceeded to have a lenghty three hour discussion with Lindsay and Daynika about sex. It was highly entertaining as this is one of out favourite topics to talk about. I apparently I'm willing to sacrifice my precious sleep in order to engage in such interesting conversation.

So if I am a grouch today, it is my own damn fault. I'll probably still complain though. OR just find some random bench to sleep on and miss my classes. I'm feeling surprisingly awake considering my 4 and half hours sleep.

I guess I should get my ass into gear as I need to be leaving for school soon.

State: Bright eyed, all things considered.
Song: Bubble Toes-Jack Johnson

Okay, I was just looking at the layout of my last blog with all the pictures... and it looks horrible, but I really don't care.

Anyhow, on to more important things. I woke up this morning at 4:00 am. That's right... 4. I fell asleep again until about 5:15 and then never really fell sleep again. I felt like I might have been on the verge of sleep right when my alarm woke me up. If I didn't have a group meeting for my Ecology lab, I wouldn't have gotten up. And I still feel like doing very little. I should go make my lunch right now so that I can justify money spent on food this weekend, and the money I will be spending later this week. I just don't feel like it though.

I woke up feeling very frustrated and that feeling has grown over the two hours that I couldn't sleep. Frustrated on many different levels. And I feel like swearing a lot. In the words of my dear roommate when she is frustrated, "Fuck, shit, fuck!". That sums it up quite well.

State: A rainbow of frustration.
Song: This is Everything- Tegan and Sara

Seeing as I haven't done any real posting for awhile I think I'll do one now. I think I can still justify not doing homework right now.

I think I'll start with the pictures of my places and work into the more boring um I mean equally exciting world of school.

Okay so this first picture is of my bed where I do most of my sleeping. Sometimes the bed is used for doing other things such as reading for classes but generally I try and stay away from that as it usually result in me sleeping on the textbook. Sometimes people come in and sit on my bed and talk to me, so I guess you could say that it is a pseudo-couch. I really just wanted to use the work "pseudo".Okay enough about my bed.

This next picture is my desk. I'd like to say that I do a lot of studying here, but I really don't. The only time I got a lot of studying done on that desk was during final exams and frankly I think the desk is tired. I eat breakfast there and do my computer stuff, print off notes for classes and do assignment there but real studying gets done else where. In fact, I don' t think I've studied at this desk all weekend. Man, I'm getting myself far behind. It is so funny how one resolves not to procrastinate during final exams and then that all goes to shit once the new term starts.

The four above pictures are of our living room. Nothing too exciting, very funtional. I mean when you have a big screened tv and numerous DVD's what more could you want?

Okay, this is basically our kitchen. It isn't much but it certainly does the job. I mean our stove works, we have running water and a decent sized fridge. We spend quite a bit of time in here. Sometimes I do homework on the table. For the longest time we only had one kitchen chair. That was quite annoying, but I quickly changed that when I came home from thanksgiving with a chair.

These three pictures are from the area around my house. The first on is of the house behind or in front of ours depending on the direction you come from. The second one is the house on the corner near my house. I walk by it if I ever take the bus to school. The third is a picture of University Ave. Sometimes I walk down this street to go to school. It is much prettier than the main road and I like to look at the houses.

This is the Whyte ave. Before the end of exams last term I had been inside relatively few of the shops that line this street. Mostly, Daley and I just walk up and down and go into Chapters. I mean there isn't much to do here in Edmonton. Really... other than drinking, watching movies and walking there isn't much to do.

So that is about it. This really isn't that exciting of a post but I guess I'll give some recent happening. This weekend has gone by so fast. Really. It feels like yesterday that it was Friday. I had fun on Friday. I have to admit I was very antisocial, but I guess I didn't feel like meeting people and being all fake nice and such. Especially when the people are so drunk they probably won't remember me. It's just not worth the effort. I was entertained by Daley... I'm not sure if he was drunk or not, but he was funny. Or maybe that is just because I was drinking... hmm I don't know. We went to BP's and ordered some food and that was good. Then I came home and watched the end of Dirty Dancing with Lindsay. They we talked for awhile and I went to bed at 3:00 am.

Saturday was rather uneventful. I had no desire to do anything and thus did practically nothing. I hate that. Lindsay's friend Daynika came and I cooked them dinner. It was quite good. Today we went to the Sugarbowl for Brunch and it was good as always.

I have once again done practically no homework. I'm hoping to get more done tomorrow as I am going to school early to meet my group for Ecology. yuck. I'm going to a potluck tonight and that should be fun.

I had a whole bunch of thoughts about how I am feeling and such right now, but this post is already really long and I talk about it later. I'm too tired now.

State: Tired, motivationless, among other feelings
Song: Shut up!- Black Eyed Peas

My plan was... well my plan was to do a lot of thing, but such plans don't always workout. Anyhow, What I wanted to do on here is post some pictures of my place that I have taken in the past little while but I guess that will have to wait for a time where I am less tired and actually want to post.

Wow, I still don't really have anything to say...

State: Where have all my thoughts gone?
Song: Gandalf- Johann De Meij

Wow... look at the ugly colours I got. If you want to take the test it's kinda interesting,
click here to go.

You're an Investor
By focusing on what others need, you learn the exact value and potential of each person in different situations. You instinctively know how motivated others are in supporting you. This helps you surround yourself with the right people.


The passionate you is a fast-thinking, logical self-starter. You ask pertinent questions with a no-nonsense style. Then, you tend to blurt out the obvious. You make sure that essential needs are met and you invent better ways.


The centered you contemplates how to better direct your life. You know the advantages and consequences of taking an action. When all is quiet within, you decide where to make positive changes.


The emotional you needs to feel grounded. Reality can be disappointing. Accept each situation's truth and each person's motivation before you act. Ensure that your empowering determination is focused on agendas that can be accomplished.

I'm going to go make supper now... perhaps I will actually post later today.

State: Hungry

It's weird. I really haven't felt like posting anything for awhile. I have no idea why. I just haven't. My head hurts right now and I think it is because I am dehydrated.

It's so hard to get back into posting when one has been negligent for so long.

So this is it for now.

Song: Extraordinary- Liz Phair
State: My head is pounding and thus I am off to bed...

Okay, I just spent the past few hours looking at job postings mainly for the summer. It's insane how many jobs for the summer must be applied for right now in order to get them. I applied for a few government jobs and that's it for now. I think I shall contact my reference people to make sure they still remember me and are willing to give a reference.

Today, rather, yesterday was fun. I got to see Rachel for the first time since Christmas and that was really fun. I also studied with Daley for awhile and probably got more done than I normally would have.

Anyhow I'm tired and have no real insights to anything right now so I am going to bed.

State: Tired... and it's my own fault
Song: California- Phantom Planet

Well I'm going to post only because I haven't. I have not much to say right now. Bought all of my books. There weren't very many but they were expensive.

Lindsay lands today. Actually, she's probably landed right about now. I'm going to go shower so I don't look completely horrible when she comes.

Until next time when I have more to say....