For some reason, I always wake up feeling more like writting than when I go to sleep. It is quite weird. Maybe because I'm more refreshed and have less cluttering my mind at that point.

I have decided I am inept with boys (or men or whatever you want to call guys around my age). For some reason, I am unable to break the ice with them randomly (I am well aware of how this might sound and I am talking about talking to them- nothing more) and usually need someone to introduce me to someone before I feel confortable talking to them. I think this is some sort of defence mechanism thing. I've been hurt a few times and I guess I'm "protecting" myself. Well, I'm sick of protecting myself. It's easy to just say stop doing it... I've actually lived like this for much longer than even I might think. I mean, I was picked on in all through elementary and jr. high and I think this led to me closing up to the opposite sex. Granted, once I know a guy for awhile and I guess after I have made sure they won't completely emotionally-rape me I can open up quite easily (well relative to before).

I don't know... this is something I am working on and probably will be working for awhile. I guess I should head off to my lab... I really don't want to go, but alas it must be done.

State: pensive